It's crazy...

how certain days are just burned in your brain. I remember every second of April 18th 1996. I watched Braveheart... I can smell the grass that was being mowed... pansies and impatiens were planted... my grandmother hung up on me... finally I was told to put my shoes on we were going to the hospital.

I remember the car ride. The path we took, I could map out where I had to grip the door handle 'cause the pain had crept up again. I remember the nurse, she was awesome ~ and I forgot to thank her when it was all over and I never have seen her again. She changed my gown several times and dried the tears of frustration... mothered me into motherhood that's what she did.

I called my sister and my best girlfriend today. The two people that I have most depended on in this quest, that's the best word isn't it ~ it just gives it the proper trials and tribulations that parenthood entails. Not one of the three of us can believe that its been 9 years ~ I cried with Tina not with Jenn, she's pregnant ~ she and I will cry together in 9 years for her child.

Anyway every year this day is one of reminicing. It's like I feel my heart today more than I do any other day of the year. I think probably in a way, it's like my heart was truly born on this day 9 years ago.

Lyrics today are for my baby girl as corny as this may be it is soo simple and true from A Natural Woman by Carole King ~

Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for
Cause if I make you happy I don't need to do more...