it's probably a good thing...

i moved to Texas when i did... 'cause otherwise i'd be movin' to the Happi Inn ~ next door to Taquita and Kaui... and hangin' with Rita 'cause i love Love LOVE these three girls...

i think MTV should follow joc and i around... it'd be like Taquita and Kaui meet Thelma and Louise!

it's a practice...

of mine to not say anything ~ when i have nothing nice to say... i call it hiding on occasion... these days are better than most 'cause i don't completely clam up... but i have found that when i'm hurting... to heal... it's really best for me to just be in my head... sort it out... and well get a puppy...



that's my Juno... and the beautiful thing... she loves me... and she just wants to love me... and she snuggles... like the best snuggler ever... while new people are exciting... not so much that she isn't still happiest when she sees me... she listens to me... she loves makin' me happy... we have a few bumps in the road... no question... for example she needs to understand that she will be close to 150lbs... so walking over the back of the recliner is NOT going to be a good idea... so anyway... my Kailey is still the most perfect dog ever... and still loves me THE most... after 10 years STILL... so here's to adding TO the love... oh tonight... they were both drinkin' out of the same bowl... it was the cutest thing ever...

i'm almost through my little phase... and they BOTH help... i'll be back to regular blogs... with all kinds of stuff... but for now... it's just truly all best kept where it is... well except for all THAT 'cause if you read it... there was actually a lot there!!!

i'm supposed to update this...

and i will soon... just everything i have to say... right now... ok... i will say this ~ i think one of the reasons there are supposed to be two parents is so that on days like today ~ when the fact that it's been eleven amazing years... you don't look around and feel so alone in all the emotion that comes along with that 'cause it's OVERWHELMING me this year... again ~ as it does every year...

she is beautiful... she is intelligent... she is stubborn... she is truly an individual... she is kind... she is loving... and today she is 11!

'mama... Morgan La Fay...'

'she's the hottest... most beautiful EVER... well she is kinda old... but still...' ~ Jake my six year old regarding the Medieval Witch that his latest book craze The Magic Tree House series is written about... her treehouse... her library full of stories that she collected while travelling for time ~ for those that don't know... anyway... it was hilarious

My new favorite movie…

and much like Spanglish ~ when i fell in love with that movie… i picked it up ‘cause i needed some fluff in my life and figured i could stare blankly at the movie… not have to think too much… if i’m lucky i’ll giggle occasionally but it would very much balance out the other flick that i rented that is much more the kind that I LOVE… which was also amazing Children of Men… see it SOOO very good ~ terrifying ~ but good

Anyway ~ yeah i was wrong… Jack Black proved to be endearin’ in much the same way that Adam did in Spanglish not typically two actors that make flicks i have to see… Kate Winslet is always lovely ~ when she isn’t flyin’ off the front of a ship… sorry for you Titanic lovers not a fan… and Cameron Diaz was not over the top funny but just enough with the right mix of angst to make you not hate her for claiming to have issues with men… lol

i sat and watched this movie… in utter amazement ~ they took four very different but distinct aspects of my personality and ‘characterized’ them in each of the main player ~ oh yeah forgot Jude Law is pretty amazing in it as well as a single dad with two small children who well just feels like the package deal he has to offer is probably more than anyone would really want to be a part of…

i’m sure those that know me really well will TOTALLY see what i’m talkin’ about ~ regardless… i don’t much watch ‘chick flicks’ ~ i like suspense… indie flicks that give my too many thoughts something to focus on for a bit so i’m not as scattered all about ~ but on the very rare occasion… when i pick one up… well it’s nice to be surprised and not bored.. The Holiday ~ if you are on the fence… don’t be ~ it really is a good movie… not award winnin’ life changin’ good or anything like that… but real without being depressing i guess… lol ~ i’ll leave you with a few of my favorite quotes…

Arthur to Iris ‘…in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend.’

Iris ~ ‘You are absolutely right. You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for God's sake!’

Miles to Iris ~ ‘… i wrote a melody for you too… i only used the good notes.’

so the dust is settlin'...

but damn... at 4:11pm ~ my sister called to tell me that my grandmother was rushed to the hospital ~ she had lost consciousness at some point and where she was at in all that was unclear... the next five hours SUK'D A LOT... i'm not even gonna lie

so this woman... good Lord... to have her strength... we should all be so lucky...

the rest of this story is not for the feign of heart...

when my father (she's his mother) was sixteen... there was a tragic car wreck in which two fatalities occured... my grandmother was the driver... my father's father was one that was killed... my grandmother has never driven a car since that fateful night... i've always known that but fate stepped in when i was in high school... and i heard the complete story of that night... all that happened would have made most that i know... give up on any kind of happiness and just dislike life... not this woman however... not at all

she later found a man ~ the one i know as my grandfather ~ that has spent his life completely devoted to and loving this woman like we all hope to find one day... and her spunk... strength... spirit... faith... has never failed her

she taught me to love music... George Jones... Willie... Charley Pride... Conway Twitty... the ones by which i still measure all i listen to today... she hoped i'd dance... i prefer to sing... but in her living room we would move the coffee table and try ~ GOOD LORD would she try to get me to dance... i still do ~ dance that is... just in my own way... on the inside... where i don't embarrass myself... or with my babies... where i just don't care

just before i moved... i looked this woman in the eye ~ understand something about me... i doubt every person that tells me they love me... to the point it FRUSTRATES many... i have NEVER doubted her love... not for a second ever.. IN FACT... she knows all... she knows that i don't understand the most basic love you should never question... the ones i have ~ questions that is... i've always brought to my gram and her answers are Socratic... and perfect every time ~ anyway i looked her in the eye and said i 'need' to do this ~ for me to live my best life... i need to go ~ but if you want me to stay for you... if you need me to stay and be with you... i will

'Lori, i love you ~ i want you to be happy and know you understand that living life is most important... i will never be the one to hold you back and i will shine with pride in your happiness. i will miss you don't get me wrong i don't want you to go the selfish part of me will miss you and my great grandbabies but do what you need to ~ i always have.'

so realizing that she will be 80 this summer ~ i understand that i somehow have to come to terms with that which i can't even consider... i was a MESS this evening... A. MESS.

she is home now tucked safely away... her crazy freakin' dog bouncin' off her bed i'm sure... and i'll feel much more at ease after she gets a clean check from her own doctor on Monday... but i was truly spared a pain that i can NOT comprehend this evening...

in a moment of false strength...

i said to Joc... 'hey ~ i'll be fine... i'm THE Lori ~ i bounce i don't break'

OK to the powers that be that have now ~ in what may truly prove to be my darkest hour... chosen to test that statement... i was SOOO kidding... please hear this prayer right now and KNOW that losing her would in fact break me...

'won't you please...'

'... come to Texas to live forever
a California life alone (or Vermont or Boston ;) is just too hard to bear'

GOOD DECISION my meg... don't you think... we are so lucky to be here!!!

The Event…

Safe to say it did not disappoint ~ the line up ~ Drew Kennedy, Peter Dawson and Josh Grider started the night off with an amazing song swap set ~ the highlight for me being Drew bustin’ out Dublin Blues… it’s also been a REALLY long time since I’ve gotten to see Peter so that was pretty great as well! I get so torn about these kinds of things as EVERYONE should be listening to these guys ~ the selfish part of me knows however that if everyone was… well then nights like that would be few and FAR between

Then my favorite Adam… seriously ~ ADAM HOOD… not only is he a truly gifted songwriter… he and his drummer put on a show that gives everyone a run for their money and it’s only the two of them… but they have got it all figured out when it comes to stage presence… and that thing I was talkin’ about before with Stoney that light in their eyes when they are watching people as they react to their art ~ he absolutely has it too… he sang my Coffee Song and such a FABULOUS version of Purple Rain… it was Jocelyn and Maureen’s first show… and well yeah they of course LOVED him as well ~ DUH I wasn’t even a little worried

Walt Wilkins whose praises I have sung here before was up next… I have to say it was not at all what I expected which is why I need to take a second look since I now have a better understanding… he is one of my favorites… yet it seems he is going in different direction which may be fabulous… however I was looking forward to a full band show… drawing from the catalog of songs that I know as Walt that wasn’t quite what I got… so for me… I spent this time catchin’ up with old friends… meetin’ new ones… enjoyin’ my $2 beer ~ lol… LAUGHING TOO MUCH… chatting with those that I normally don’t and really just shouldn’t ‘cause I just end up sounding foolish… mostly just truly being in the moment because it’s one I’ve hoped for… for so very long

I walked around this world of ours for way too long feeling lost… wondering if any place would ever truly feel home… would I ever find people who would hear the first few guitar riffs in a song and just get it ~ that tingle up your spine… that feeling that for at least the next oh 3-4 minutes everything is going to be perfect… and on an evening like this… well that happens with every single song and the best is when it’s a surprise when the artist knows that as an audience we appreciate truly appreciate the music so sure go ahead play your favorite song ‘cause we believe in you enough to know that you are gonna ‘own’ it… ANYWAY my point… I’m not lost anymore… and to be there with the ones who became the family that I always wanted to be a part of whether you were there physically… via text or via koozie… it was truly priceless for me ~ so thank you all… for nothing more than just loving me… unconditionally… and totally not in spite of my imperfections but because of them…

Wade Bowen took the stage for the final performance of the evening… and I’ve seen him a few times before… but I became a fan Saturday night… seriously and being there with the ones who love him the most… Danny… Jesse… Renee… Jen and Maureen ‘cause when I think of those who love Wade… it’s THEM… it was pretty amazing… he sang Meg’s and my song… and it was so good to once again be huggin’ her and singin’ along instead of being on a phone with tear stained cheeks… he played ATLANTIC CITY… oh my lord… did he play Atlantic City… and for me… it was the most special because the first time I ever came to Texas… he came on stage to sing that song with someone else that I love… so standing there in that moment ~ I had truly come full circle…

The rest of the night is a bit hazy… between being on emotional overload… completely exhausted… and maybe just one or two too many $2 beers… we found our way home… and the pillow was welcomed… safe to say the memories will continue to pop up… and there will for a long time be moments of ‘oh I FORGOT about that’ ~ and that is the best part of it all!!

At the end of it all….

well just about the end ~ we were sitting there my fellow roadtrippers and i watching our favorite Adam and Drew doing a live radio show… Drew Kennedy played my song… Goodbye

well after a weekend that began with too much rain… a tour of DFW ‘cause well Maureen hadn’t seen just exactly HOW big it is… more man love than should really be allowed at a show ~ although i did enjoy my first Mickey and the Motocars show… i will see them again… it was truly a perfect ending to hear him sing… to the ones who do in fact ‘…deserve much better than tryin’ to hold me together’ ~ but in the words of Mr. Kennedy the song is in fact more fiction than truth ‘cause i am also not that big of a person…

seriously ~ i spent the weekend… with most of the ones who either literally or musically helped me keep things together and gave me hope for the better during what has been the worst period of time in my almost 35 years here on this earth ~ the number of people missing from this weekend is the smallest for me ever… when talking about being in a place with the ones i love the most… it’s the closest i’ve ever been to having them ALL there… that dawned on me at the airport waiting for Maureen and brought the first tear

the roadtrip… ‘cause really that’s almost as much fun as the destination if done right ~ was filled with so much laughter that the fact that i didn’t wreck even though Joc was certain i would SEVERAL times… is borderline miraculous… we got cute boys to call meg’s cell phone ~ which i call BS… i get well you know what i got… and you get cute boys… ~ we found the sweaty roadside porn ummm yeah trailer… no we didn’t stop no matter how hard she tried to convince me that Maureen wanted to… OH WAIT… five minutes into the ride down 75… Maureen asked if we had ever watched Oprah and Gayle’s Roadtrip… apparently Joc and i resemble those two ladies… Joc is Oprah… there were blue bonnets… kolaches… potty breaks… potty breaks in stinky nasty roadside stations that want to charge 2.59 for Chapstick… more blue bonnets… ok yes i’m happy now i see them ~ i really did think they would be bigger… the exception to the rule everything is bigger in Texas ~ except the flowers

we arrived for lunch and Hugs… ‘cause you know ~ ‘if they love us they will hug you…’

we are so fortunate… and the best part is that this day was all about celebrating just exactly that… not sure if that restaurant understood what was going on… we had people that had come from… Seattle; Springfield,MA; Tampa, FL; Las Vegas, NV; Houston via Boston, Allen via Vermont, and so many from this great state we all love including a couple of surprises ~ yay for Joc and Stu… it wouldn’t have worked without you ~ and to watch us… people must wonder… you can’t help but see the love radiating from all of us ‘cause we are part of something so amazing and we are a family… even though we don’t share a drop of blood… our tie that binds is much stronger than that… we love ‘a little piece of music soooo much’ to quote a movie that many of us agree even to be our favorite

k… that’s all I can do for right now… there will be more ‘cause well I’m starting to spill over

so i LOVE my life...

i can't even make this shit up if i tried... Frankie called today... and YES she is in fact happily married to Johnny... they are hoping to retire to Florida so they requested that brochure today... and no i didn't even have to ask she offered that she is married to Johnny ~ BRILLIANCE... to rival diamonds right there

ANNNNNDDDD... Joe Ely's cousin requested to be put on our mailing list and well yeah I did ask... lol

i do have a bunch to sort through with the weekend that we just had... and i will in the next day or so but for today....

'so they say that... Frankie and Johnny were lovers.. just like Romeo and Juliet
time never listens to fairy tales... so love had met the bitter end
he went back to his city life... pennsylvania called his name...
keep on living tryin' to find someone with the time to say...
thank you for the coffee... the simple conversation... thank you for the light shining in your eyes...'

k... Mr. Adam Hood and Mr. Drew Kennedy provided the soundtrack for this weekend for me...

thank you