Friday, August 09, 2013

coming to the end of this journey...

in exactly 17 wake ups my beautiful Jordan will start her final year of high school. How did THAT happen? It's so cliche all the where does the time go... they grow so quickly... don't blink... but it's not at all cliche its truth. This will be the hardest thing I've ever done watching her go out on her own. Trusting that I have done the job well that I was given when blessed with this remarkable child. I believe in her with all of my soul, that doesn't mean I wouldn't rather just keep her with me. Always. So many around me tell me oh it'll be so great to have your house back and won't it be nice when and all I can think is I have a house to give them a home. If I can, I'd rather do something with Jordan than just about anyone. I never dreamed in a million years that watching the world through my children's eyes would not only be so incredibly magical but so completely different from one to the next. So many of my dear ones are having or have had babies... Rylie, Avery and Zoey came together the mighty 3 in May and I'm completely in love with them and in awe of her parents because triplets please you think you know ~ You DON'T. Taisa is the latest little Russian citizen and she made my Katya a big sister. How intersting it's been learning all the cultural differences from my Russian. Having a baby in Russia is a lonely business but I've started wondering and I think I would have treasured that time with just me and my babies... figuring out who each other is in the very beginning. Hank arrived on Sunday and I've never been more excited for two people to become parents as I am for my dear friend Holly and Drew. That family is special and will be one that people are awed by and admire. My Becca Jay and Ryan will give make their Rylie a big sister in January, I predict that I'll be spending a lot of time in Virginia Beach in 2014!! I'm very thankful for these new babies that will allow me to focus on something other than the pain in my heart watching mine go where I am not allowed to follow. If I'm really lucky I will get to play a small part in each of their little lives. I really look forward to that.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Emmylou Harris has a song called The Road…

I’ve been obsessed with it for about a month now.
“I wandered in the wilderness
For a while, I was so lost
To everything there is a season
And every blessing has its cost…”

Until this weekend, that was the part that tugged at my soul and screamed you get that. This is where you once were. And it absolutely is the truth… I was oh so very lost and in a sad season stuck counting blessings feeling like there weren’t very many and TERRIFIED of what my future looked like.

Then on the 8th of December 2003 I did something quite out of character… I was new to this world of the internet and being raised by skeptics, very WARY of it as well. There was a little voice that kept saying, this is safe, it’s music after all. Music has never steered you wrong, it’s been you constant, sober companion, your light in the dark. Go ahead and so I entered this whole new world and found people very much like me. I was welcomed by one in particular.

“You have a PG hitch cover, on your truck and you live in California?”
“Yup, I sure do!”
“You need to check out this, you’ll fit in well over there.”

I kind of blew off that last statement, I was fascinated to read the conversations about music that were happening and see the passion that everyone obviously had and it matched mine. It was really exciting for me as up until this point, I’d not really known anyone that heard the music they listened to. They were just taken what was being fed to them and not really paying attention to whether or not it was any good.

“You’re making me look stupid will you go over and say ‘hi’ “

And with that… my world as I knew it completely changed. Cope introduced me that evening to the music that would save me and to the people that would hold my hand and put back together all my broken pieces.

There are people we meet along this journey of ours and at some point in our reflecting we realize that they are instrumental in our life being what it is today. I will forever be grateful to Cope for being a person like that for me.

So the whole song is wonderful… but since hearing of Cope’s passing this in particular has been singing in my heart…

“And if it's only all about the journey in the end
On that road I'm glad I came to know you, my old friend”

Godspeed my dear friend and thank you for my life.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Wow... look what I found. I've not been here in awhile. Twitter is where i spend my time mostly but lately... I can feel something brewin... down deep... that's going to require more than 140 characters so I thought I'd check in here and try this on, see if it still fits.

It's Halloween... I'm looking forward to seeing what all the young ones will dress as but it makes me a teensy sad as mine really aren't young one any more. But they are super fun!!! One J is going for the driving test next month... I'm not sure how I'm supposed to ever sleep again after we get that done. The other j is just too much. He is smarter than I ever thought about being and he's really kind. I hope that sticks as he is presently a pre teen and could easily go either way.

I'll be back... this is just a quick check in... like sticking your toe in the pool before you jump in. I can already tell the water's going to be perfect!

Friday, March 12, 2010

maybe someday I'll learn...

well actually I have learned more than I realized 15 minutes ago ~ ADD much... ugh sorry!

...we only want to feel as close as we can be
use hands for holding onto your precious family
just believe in all who shine the light to help you see
'cause if I believe in you, will you believe in me ~ Blue October

Thursday, March 11, 2010

If you read my silly little blog...

but haven't checked out ~ well trust me she has A LOT more going on than I do. She has inspired me to cook... which you may or may not know I don't do and well now I'm attempting and doing better (pictures help ~ pictures help A LOT!)

The point is yesterday she posted a contest in which we were to answer the question, 'Are you where you thought you would be 10 years ago?'

ummmmm hmmmm let me think.... 10 years ago, I was pregnant... living in Vermont... telecommuting to California... Jordan was 4 and still didn't think I was the dumbest person on the planet... in fact ~ at 4 I was IT for my girl. In March specificially 10 years ago... I had JUST found out that I was expecting and I was STILL very Very VERY unhappy about it ~ only one person 'Got That' and it was not someone that I even thought paid attention to me when I spoke. I was NOT a fan of snow and we got A LOT that winter so I rarely left my house.

10 years ago... I had never heard a Pat Green song... I had NO idea who Blue October was... I was ridiculously overweight... I hadn't fallen in love with Spiderman... I drove a mini-van and well looking back ~ happy isn't a word that I would have used to describe that person in that life.

10 years ago, if you had asked me what I thought about Texas, I would have said NOT MUCH, I'd only seen Amarillo at that point and to say I was less than impressed doesn't adequately cover the feelings I had.

If you had asked me about friendships, I would have said that there were some. Two in particular that I treasured. I had many acquaintances back then but not a lot of full on... drive me to the airport... take care of my kids without a thought... ones I laughed too much with or would cry in front of friends.

I hadn't felt REAL loss yet in my life... I hadn't lost my mind yet... I had juggling down to a perfect science ~ but no 10 years ago... I NEVER saw anything that looked like my life today.

and that's OK

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

March... already ~ how is that possible???

I'm glad because there are many things I'm looking forward to this month, but good grief can we slow the pace on life in general WAY down!!!

I'm going to get back to really blogging this year... for those that read this, sometimes you'll get it ~ sometimes you won't. My apologies in advance.

Are you looking for something new to listen to? Check out needtobreathe... they are my present love Love LOVE...


Thursday, February 04, 2010

Funniest ever... in my opinon

so we get jokes ALL DAY long at work... but this one ~ this one is my most favorite ever!!!

Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard