with a lot of things... and i'm not sure that i'm handling it all very well... i know i'm praying a lot... and i know i'm taking it out on people... i can feel it... i feel like i'm living in peanut butter... like everything takes a crazy amount of effort including just taking air in and out of your lungs... one foot in front of the other... tripping over nothing... can't get out of my own way...
i need a sunrise... soon please and thank you!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Jamie's blog...
for those of you that don't check it out regularly... Jamie Tworkowski writes a blog for To Write Love on Her Arms... today's is especially relevant and I want to share it with you all as I love you more than you know...
As For Today / A Christmas Blog.
Hey Guys.
Sorry it's been a few days. i hope this finds you warm and with people you love.
At the heart of today is this idea that we've been given a gift, and the gift suggests that we are part of a bigger story. Gifts and stories are the same in that we get to choose what we do with them.
Someone hands you a present and then you get to choose:
Should i unwrap it?
Should i take it home?
Should i make it part of my life?
Someone tells you a story and you get to take it in and you get to reflect:
Do i believe this story to be true?
Is this story supposed to change me?
Should i carry this with me or should i let it go?
A new friend was asking me some questions about TWLOHA this week, and she asked what's surprised me the most over the last couple years. i thought for a minute because it's a good question, and because there's been a lot of surprises. i told her that the most surprising part has been to see the way people respond to things that are true. We didn't invent hope or help or community, or the idea that every person has a story and every story matters, but it's been amazing to see people respond to those ideas. It's been amazing to see those ideas begin to touch and move and change people.
So here's the thing with today:
There's a story and perhaps there's also a gift. The enormous bold claim of Christmas suggests that God loves us, and that he wants to know us. To say it a different way, it suggests that perhaps we were created to be loved, and created to be known. And the flip-side is that maybe we were made to love and to know as well. It's a wild mysterious story and if it's remotely true, then we're far-less alone and far-more loved than we could ever know.
In this life, we get to make a lot of choices. We don't get to choose the things that break or haunt or hurt us, but maybe we get to choose how we respond and what we choose to believe in the face of those things. We get to choose to go alone or to let people in. We choose our response to pain.
i was gonna write some other stuff, about redemption and the bigger story, but i think i'll keep it short instead.
In the face of today, this Christmas, wherever you are and whatever you see, things missing or perfect or broken, take a moment to look through a different lens: God loves you. And if that's too weird or too much, then i'll say it how we normally say it: Perhaps you're more loved than you'll ever know. And perhaps you are part of a bigger story.
In all of it, our hope is that you might feel encouraged today, that you might feel alive and less alone.
Merry Christmas.
jamie
PS: Go see Slumdog Millionaire. It's a beautiful film set in India, a love story in the midst of pain. It is an undeniable picture of someone driven by love, and someone refusing to give up on their story, no matter what happens. Go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button as well. i saw it a couple weeks ago and you would never believe me if i told you who i sat next to : )
PS2: Came across a great quote in the trailer for Synecdoche, New York: "There are millions of people in the world, and none of those people is an extra. They're all the leads in their own stories."
and again
Merry Christmas ~ laa
As For Today / A Christmas Blog.
Hey Guys.
Sorry it's been a few days. i hope this finds you warm and with people you love.
At the heart of today is this idea that we've been given a gift, and the gift suggests that we are part of a bigger story. Gifts and stories are the same in that we get to choose what we do with them.
Someone hands you a present and then you get to choose:
Should i unwrap it?
Should i take it home?
Should i make it part of my life?
Someone tells you a story and you get to take it in and you get to reflect:
Do i believe this story to be true?
Is this story supposed to change me?
Should i carry this with me or should i let it go?
A new friend was asking me some questions about TWLOHA this week, and she asked what's surprised me the most over the last couple years. i thought for a minute because it's a good question, and because there's been a lot of surprises. i told her that the most surprising part has been to see the way people respond to things that are true. We didn't invent hope or help or community, or the idea that every person has a story and every story matters, but it's been amazing to see people respond to those ideas. It's been amazing to see those ideas begin to touch and move and change people.
So here's the thing with today:
There's a story and perhaps there's also a gift. The enormous bold claim of Christmas suggests that God loves us, and that he wants to know us. To say it a different way, it suggests that perhaps we were created to be loved, and created to be known. And the flip-side is that maybe we were made to love and to know as well. It's a wild mysterious story and if it's remotely true, then we're far-less alone and far-more loved than we could ever know.
In this life, we get to make a lot of choices. We don't get to choose the things that break or haunt or hurt us, but maybe we get to choose how we respond and what we choose to believe in the face of those things. We get to choose to go alone or to let people in. We choose our response to pain.
i was gonna write some other stuff, about redemption and the bigger story, but i think i'll keep it short instead.
In the face of today, this Christmas, wherever you are and whatever you see, things missing or perfect or broken, take a moment to look through a different lens: God loves you. And if that's too weird or too much, then i'll say it how we normally say it: Perhaps you're more loved than you'll ever know. And perhaps you are part of a bigger story.
In all of it, our hope is that you might feel encouraged today, that you might feel alive and less alone.
Merry Christmas.
jamie
PS: Go see Slumdog Millionaire. It's a beautiful film set in India, a love story in the midst of pain. It is an undeniable picture of someone driven by love, and someone refusing to give up on their story, no matter what happens. Go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button as well. i saw it a couple weeks ago and you would never believe me if i told you who i sat next to : )
PS2: Came across a great quote in the trailer for Synecdoche, New York: "There are millions of people in the world, and none of those people is an extra. They're all the leads in their own stories."
and again
Merry Christmas ~ laa
Monday, December 22, 2008
my holiday wish for all of you...
is that someone asks you about something you fear the most... or that you are least proud of... or that you feel shame about ~ that someone asks you to tell them that story... you tell them and they look at you with the same love... or maybe even more... than they did before they knew... it will truly set you free i PROMISE!!!
Merry Christmas... Happy Hanukkah... Good Kwanzaa... Hope its the best Thursday of the year... whatever you are celebrating... or not if you don't.... if you read this i probably love you a lot... and am grateful that you love me back!!!
Merry Christmas... Happy Hanukkah... Good Kwanzaa... Hope its the best Thursday of the year... whatever you are celebrating... or not if you don't.... if you read this i probably love you a lot... and am grateful that you love me back!!!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
'Saint Theresa don't you worry...'
Saint Theresa's Prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
dance, praise and love.It is there for each and every one of us.
ha... who knew... ok well I didn't... but I do now...
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
dance, praise and love.It is there for each and every one of us.
ha... who knew... ok well I didn't... but I do now...
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
i truly want to believe in people...
but damn it... it's HARD some days!!
the saving grace here is that many are already hard at work trying to help right some wrongs that were done... you know i've said it here before... the thing is i want to help fix the things that are really hard to repair...
take away the fear of leaving your home again because well you don't know what will happen while you are away... ease his mind that he can still protect his family without doing what he once thought he would never do... mostly just help heal the part of the soul that has been damaged
again i'll say... it's been a crappy year.. ugh
the saving grace here is that many are already hard at work trying to help right some wrongs that were done... you know i've said it here before... the thing is i want to help fix the things that are really hard to repair...
take away the fear of leaving your home again because well you don't know what will happen while you are away... ease his mind that he can still protect his family without doing what he once thought he would never do... mostly just help heal the part of the soul that has been damaged
again i'll say... it's been a crappy year.. ugh
Monday, December 08, 2008
Five years ago today...
i stepped WAY out of my comfort zone and responded to some chatter that was going on in a 'Chat Room' on a website... i was so excited that they were actually talking about Pat Green and his music... shows they had just been to and ones they were looking forward to... i don't remember what specifically made me chime in but i did and after a small amount of sharing a very dear friend suggested that i check out another website... www.galleywinter.com and well that brought me a home... a family of the most amazing friends anyone could ever hope for!
Friday, December 05, 2008
'Your so pretty...your all so pretty'
and when Justin says that i know exactly what he means... and i LOVE being in that place most of all... at a Blue October show... don't get me wrong Stoney acoustic is right up there as being one of my most favorite places...
i realized something last night though... at a Blue October show... EVERYONE is equally paying attention... singing along... jumping around... just truly being present in the event at hand... all grateful for the honesty that they display with how they write... not afraid to be brutal or sensitive or angry or sad or joyful...
Justin smiled a dozen smiles last night... and the grace that he displays on stage is awe inspiring...
you know... so many of us live a broken life ~ and i don't mean that we are walking around feeling sorry for ourselves for the trials that we've endured... but that we wear our scars without shame from where they came from... last night we all just celebrated where we have been... delighted in where we are... and got excited about where we are going...
the setlist was impeccable... so much of what I love the most... and just enough of what's to come that we can't wait for March... and with the new album is the promise of many more nights like last night... and that makes me VERY happy
i have decided that for now... for ALWAYS... my favorite...
...an ounce of peace is all I want for you ~ will you never call again
and will you never say that you love me ~ just to put it in my face
and will you never try to reach me... it is I who wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
i realized something last night though... at a Blue October show... EVERYONE is equally paying attention... singing along... jumping around... just truly being present in the event at hand... all grateful for the honesty that they display with how they write... not afraid to be brutal or sensitive or angry or sad or joyful...
Justin smiled a dozen smiles last night... and the grace that he displays on stage is awe inspiring...
you know... so many of us live a broken life ~ and i don't mean that we are walking around feeling sorry for ourselves for the trials that we've endured... but that we wear our scars without shame from where they came from... last night we all just celebrated where we have been... delighted in where we are... and got excited about where we are going...
the setlist was impeccable... so much of what I love the most... and just enough of what's to come that we can't wait for March... and with the new album is the promise of many more nights like last night... and that makes me VERY happy
i have decided that for now... for ALWAYS... my favorite...
...an ounce of peace is all I want for you ~ will you never call again
and will you never say that you love me ~ just to put it in my face
and will you never try to reach me... it is I who wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
Thursday, December 04, 2008
2008 in review...
well i've successfully stayed smoke-free... for the most part the kids are really happy and doing well in school this year... Secondhand Serenade and Thriving Ivory woke me up in the middle of the night so that I could fall in love with their greatness... Edward came into my life... let's see i'm scraping the bottom and there isn't much... for the most part 2008 was a bust... i feel like i spent most of it counting my breaths... reminding myself how to put one foot in front of the other... head down... move forward... get through it...
i've made some solid decisions in the last six weeks... hopefully they will help turn the tide for 2009
i continue to be more than grateful for the love in my life... i get tired of my crap so i don't know how so many of you are able to have the patience to deal with it and still be by my side... i have learned what unconditional love is this year and i can't express how it feels to know that i'm loved like that!
I wish you all Peace and Love during the Holidays and always... I plan to actually SEE you all so much more in 2009!!!
i've made some solid decisions in the last six weeks... hopefully they will help turn the tide for 2009
i continue to be more than grateful for the love in my life... i get tired of my crap so i don't know how so many of you are able to have the patience to deal with it and still be by my side... i have learned what unconditional love is this year and i can't express how it feels to know that i'm loved like that!
I wish you all Peace and Love during the Holidays and always... I plan to actually SEE you all so much more in 2009!!!
Monday, December 01, 2008
A little piece of heaven…
Came down to visit here on earth last night in the form of Micky Braun, Willy Braun, Stoney Larue and Jeremy Watkins… for most that read this… I just typed a GINORMOUS mouthful.
As great as I knew it could be… it was better!!! First of all if you missed it somewhere ~ Stoney acoustic pretty much sets my world straight in about every way possible. So when he broke out into… 'I am a lineman from the county…' *sigh* ~ see THAT’s what I love about Stoney acoustic… sure we get Solid Gone… One Chord Song…Down in Flames… all the songs from Stoney that we love ~ but he never fails to throw in a little gem or two that he loves and wants to share with us… or remind us of the greatness that came before…. And for the second time in four days… ‘will you miss me in Carolina… will I miss you in Tennessee..’ brought just this overwhelming sense of peace… see I had put my iTunes on shuffle on Thanksgiving and it came on first ~ well the best part of that is it’s from a cd that I thought I had ‘lost’ so that was GREAT news!
Micky and Willie ~ where do I start… well okay first of all… they are my newest favorites… so many of you had said to me over the years… really why don’t you like Reckless Kelly or what do you mean you don’t get Micky and the Motorcars… I am pretty sure at this point it was just timing, see I’m still relatively new to all of this… I’ve only just been listening to Pat for well almost 6 years ~ so I just needed time to take it all in
Watching them last night… well ok they are brothers and you can just see that they are from the same cloth… it was during Oasis… Micky singing along… turned over his guitar to add a bit of percussion to the song… there was something going on during that song that was just awesome in the most real sense of the word.
I don’t get to nearly the number of shows that I would like too… life sometimes gets in my way but I believe… and I think many will agree… it’s hard to find someone that has a better time than I do truly enjoying the music that is giving to us during the show.
So the four hours of sleep that I didn’t get last night… the red eyes that I have today... it’s all worth it for the permagrin that I’m wearing. It was the beginning of a month of shows that well truly it’s like the music powers that be have said… you’ve had enough… leave it to us for awhile… Blue October this Thursday… Bleu on Saturday… 12 Man Jam Sunday… Josh Grider & Drew Kennedy on the 13th… PAT GREEN on the 20th…
And she’ll exhale… for real
As great as I knew it could be… it was better!!! First of all if you missed it somewhere ~ Stoney acoustic pretty much sets my world straight in about every way possible. So when he broke out into… 'I am a lineman from the county…' *sigh* ~ see THAT’s what I love about Stoney acoustic… sure we get Solid Gone… One Chord Song…Down in Flames… all the songs from Stoney that we love ~ but he never fails to throw in a little gem or two that he loves and wants to share with us… or remind us of the greatness that came before…. And for the second time in four days… ‘will you miss me in Carolina… will I miss you in Tennessee..’ brought just this overwhelming sense of peace… see I had put my iTunes on shuffle on Thanksgiving and it came on first ~ well the best part of that is it’s from a cd that I thought I had ‘lost’ so that was GREAT news!
Micky and Willie ~ where do I start… well okay first of all… they are my newest favorites… so many of you had said to me over the years… really why don’t you like Reckless Kelly or what do you mean you don’t get Micky and the Motorcars… I am pretty sure at this point it was just timing, see I’m still relatively new to all of this… I’ve only just been listening to Pat for well almost 6 years ~ so I just needed time to take it all in
Watching them last night… well ok they are brothers and you can just see that they are from the same cloth… it was during Oasis… Micky singing along… turned over his guitar to add a bit of percussion to the song… there was something going on during that song that was just awesome in the most real sense of the word.
I don’t get to nearly the number of shows that I would like too… life sometimes gets in my way but I believe… and I think many will agree… it’s hard to find someone that has a better time than I do truly enjoying the music that is giving to us during the show.
So the four hours of sleep that I didn’t get last night… the red eyes that I have today... it’s all worth it for the permagrin that I’m wearing. It was the beginning of a month of shows that well truly it’s like the music powers that be have said… you’ve had enough… leave it to us for awhile… Blue October this Thursday… Bleu on Saturday… 12 Man Jam Sunday… Josh Grider & Drew Kennedy on the 13th… PAT GREEN on the 20th…
And she’ll exhale… for real
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Perfection...
my idea of perfection involves a dining room table and every chair has one of my most favorites in it... i had that last night and we laughed... had really great conversations about life... politics... where we came from... where we hope to go... the things we trip over... the things that make us soar...
it's exactly what i came to Houston for... to fuel the fire that drives me... to feel loved by these people that know the good, the bad, the ugly, the goofy and still call me friend...
THANK YOU.
it's exactly what i came to Houston for... to fuel the fire that drives me... to feel loved by these people that know the good, the bad, the ugly, the goofy and still call me friend...
THANK YOU.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
a confession...
I like cake... I REALLY like frosting... and I'm really just done being ashamed of that. I don't need to eat the whole cake... in fact usually I can only eat a few bites but I think it's ok if I do decide to eat the whole piece.
I struggle always with the mirror... if anyone knew what I see when I look they would probably worry a lot... and the thing is I know I'm the healthiest I've probably ever been... but there is that part of my head.... that says it's not enough...
this is the my least favorite part of me
I struggle always with the mirror... if anyone knew what I see when I look they would probably worry a lot... and the thing is I know I'm the healthiest I've probably ever been... but there is that part of my head.... that says it's not enough...
this is the my least favorite part of me
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
My Jake
so... he turned 8. I've got 10 more years to get it all in, even though he claims he will never leave me... well I'm not holding him to that.
I'm gonna share something here 'cause it's where I do that. This will maybe shock those of you that read this and are aware of how close my boy and I are...
I was SO mad when I found out I was pregnant with him... I was only going to parent one child... there were many rational reasons for that decision... I'm not going to get into the medical reasons as to why I found myself with child... but I wasn't thrilled.
To the point that I refused to talk about it... got irritated with others when they did... finally asked for permission to grieve the life I thought I was going to have and please PLEASE contain your enthusiasm.
Thinking about all those feelings today... well let's just say I can't imagine life without my boy... he has brought so much joy and a fresh perspective to every thing in life... he truly is a special little guy with the way that he thinks... I'm taking him to meet some of my friends that... well quite frankly the fact that he hasn't met them is shameful...
I hope they like him too!
I'm gonna share something here 'cause it's where I do that. This will maybe shock those of you that read this and are aware of how close my boy and I are...
I was SO mad when I found out I was pregnant with him... I was only going to parent one child... there were many rational reasons for that decision... I'm not going to get into the medical reasons as to why I found myself with child... but I wasn't thrilled.
To the point that I refused to talk about it... got irritated with others when they did... finally asked for permission to grieve the life I thought I was going to have and please PLEASE contain your enthusiasm.
Thinking about all those feelings today... well let's just say I can't imagine life without my boy... he has brought so much joy and a fresh perspective to every thing in life... he truly is a special little guy with the way that he thinks... I'm taking him to meet some of my friends that... well quite frankly the fact that he hasn't met them is shameful...
I hope they like him too!
Sunday, November 09, 2008
so its over...
that which i believed would not end... i did all i could and still never enough... well its all i got... and i truly am sorry
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
to the president elect...
a thought... the opposite of war isn't peace it's creation
we are currently CREATING a safe environment for the Iraqi people to start anew after too many years under the govern of a tyrannical dictator
we are currently CREATING a barrier of protection for those people from many that would like to inflict further terror on a people that have already endured more than their fair share
we are currently CREATING a sense of hope where once there was only fear
please don't be hasty in using the new power you are about to have to destroy all that has been CREATED...
there are many that have a very real prospective of the situation... heed what they have to say... choose your advisors wisely let them be knowledgeable and not just people that agree with you...
above all else... do NOT let all that has been sacrificed already be in vain...
this is my prayer this evening
we are currently CREATING a safe environment for the Iraqi people to start anew after too many years under the govern of a tyrannical dictator
we are currently CREATING a barrier of protection for those people from many that would like to inflict further terror on a people that have already endured more than their fair share
we are currently CREATING a sense of hope where once there was only fear
please don't be hasty in using the new power you are about to have to destroy all that has been CREATED...
there are many that have a very real prospective of the situation... heed what they have to say... choose your advisors wisely let them be knowledgeable and not just people that agree with you...
above all else... do NOT let all that has been sacrificed already be in vain...
this is my prayer this evening
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
so here we go...
i'm not going to lie... i'm very fearful of this 'change' that has been promised... all historic significance aside... i don't support a lot of the ideas that he has said he will bring to fruition... and the fear i have in my heart right now... well its why i choose my bubble...
i feel a great sadness for the one that i have for so long admired and believe in... he will forever be in my mind the purest of patriots and i believe it should have been his time...
i also am sad for the families out there that had hoped their voices would be heard... too long now families of children with special needs have been not even on the stove let alone the back burner... there was a very clear beckon of hope for a moment... my heart hurts for them too...
i feel a great sadness for the one that i have for so long admired and believe in... he will forever be in my mind the purest of patriots and i believe it should have been his time...
i also am sad for the families out there that had hoped their voices would be heard... too long now families of children with special needs have been not even on the stove let alone the back burner... there was a very clear beckon of hope for a moment... my heart hurts for them too...
Sunday, November 02, 2008
I have the best friends in the world.
Period... I've had a lot of reflection the last few days... trying to make the right choices... wallowing in self pity for a minute. You know whatever... I'm blessed.
So I missed Bleu and Adam on Thursday night... that sux but they will be back and I will still be here!!!
I think because I brought my life to Texas I forgot what a minute what all that would mean exactly. So every once in awhile I get down when I miss a show. That's just silly and I need to not do that anymore because you know what... I still get to have lunch with Deidre and see her everyday... I have a roadtrip to Houston in two weeks... I'll be in OK at somepoint over Thanksgiving to play with my favorites...
I'm really thankful that I got a reminder!!!
So I missed Bleu and Adam on Thursday night... that sux but they will be back and I will still be here!!!
I think because I brought my life to Texas I forgot what a minute what all that would mean exactly. So every once in awhile I get down when I miss a show. That's just silly and I need to not do that anymore because you know what... I still get to have lunch with Deidre and see her everyday... I have a roadtrip to Houston in two weeks... I'll be in OK at somepoint over Thanksgiving to play with my favorites...
I'm really thankful that I got a reminder!!!
Monday, October 27, 2008
day 6...
of no anti-depressant...
my joke is i take an anti-depressant because everyone around me is crazy... the cost of that is i never like the way i feel... i understand that there is a very large population of people for which these medications are crucial and life essential
i'm just not one of them... about six months ago... i was having anxiety... panic attacks... not sleeping... a touch of paranoia... angry outbursts... well just about three weeks ago ~ i changed some things about my life... six days ago i didn't take my pill... and today i feel pretty good... a clear head for the first time in MONTHS... (this cold aside) ~ i believe for me... generally it's an external change that i need to make... not adjusting my chemistry...
i'm putting this here as a future reminder... if i ever think again that maybe i need to be on something... maybe i need to evaluate the outside influences and see if they are really good for me or not so much!!
my joke is i take an anti-depressant because everyone around me is crazy... the cost of that is i never like the way i feel... i understand that there is a very large population of people for which these medications are crucial and life essential
i'm just not one of them... about six months ago... i was having anxiety... panic attacks... not sleeping... a touch of paranoia... angry outbursts... well just about three weeks ago ~ i changed some things about my life... six days ago i didn't take my pill... and today i feel pretty good... a clear head for the first time in MONTHS... (this cold aside) ~ i believe for me... generally it's an external change that i need to make... not adjusting my chemistry...
i'm putting this here as a future reminder... if i ever think again that maybe i need to be on something... maybe i need to evaluate the outside influences and see if they are really good for me or not so much!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Fall is my least favorite season...
Probably comes from being raised in New England... I always felt like it was all a big hoax because sure it can be BEAUTIFUL in Vermont with the changing of foliage... but all that does is reel you in for the horror of the winter that is to come... i don't like winter... and fall is just a reminder that it's coming... the cold... the dreary... the gray... the damp... it really brings me down and the thing is that even here in Texas... although it's not at all as big of a change as it once was... its enough... and quite frankly more than i thought it would be... both winters here thus far have included more snow and ice than i had imagined there would be...
I've made some changes in my life recently... it's early still and the sting has almost completely left and I know in the long run I will be better off... but the timing sucked 'cause well it's Fall...
My house is almost done... and I look around my apt and it's bittersweet...
ok... so i'm wondering... is this what a caterpilar feels just before the final turn... the fear of what the next step mean... the anxiety of the unknown... the anticipation of all the exciting things that are about to be.... i believe it's got to be close...
My point in all this... even though at this moment with everything... i'm COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone... at the most inconvenient time... I'm pretty sure it's about to be the beginning of something FABULOUS...
I've made some changes in my life recently... it's early still and the sting has almost completely left and I know in the long run I will be better off... but the timing sucked 'cause well it's Fall...
My house is almost done... and I look around my apt and it's bittersweet...
ok... so i'm wondering... is this what a caterpilar feels just before the final turn... the fear of what the next step mean... the anxiety of the unknown... the anticipation of all the exciting things that are about to be.... i believe it's got to be close...
My point in all this... even though at this moment with everything... i'm COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone... at the most inconvenient time... I'm pretty sure it's about to be the beginning of something FABULOUS...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
no knows what they would do...
but i'm so sad tonight as one of my friends lost the father of her child and her future husband last evening because he decided a life where he couldn't use his arms and legs was not worth living...
so i say again... none of us know what we would do
and to paint the best picture his spinal injury was the same as Christopher Reeves... he required a breathing machine and was told that given all that current medicine could provide... he would never walk again... he chose after two months that this was not the life for him and requested the doctor to shut off the machines that were breathing for him...
he didn't want this life... he didn't want to be a burden to his mother... his future wife.... his daughter...
but i have to wonder... is it more of a burden that the 18 month old grows up without the benefit of her father's wisdom... advice... discipline
i think we sometimes put too much on what the body is able to do... and don't give nearly enough credit to all that we have to offer as just people... thoughts... ideas... experiences...
i'm in the midst of many medical tests... (and if i need you i'll let you know this is the topic of another blog)... but the point currently is no matter the outcome... i will choose to fight for my children because i want to watch them grow... i want to hear their opinions... i want to share my thoughts on what they want to wear for their first dance... graduation... i want to meet the people that they love... i want to kiss away their tears when their hearts break... there will always be things i can provide with so much more than my arms and legs...
does that make sense... for my friend... i will hold her hand through this hell she is in... and pray everyday for her to find peace in his decision... if you are a person that prays... send one up for them... they will need all they can get
so i say again... none of us know what we would do
and to paint the best picture his spinal injury was the same as Christopher Reeves... he required a breathing machine and was told that given all that current medicine could provide... he would never walk again... he chose after two months that this was not the life for him and requested the doctor to shut off the machines that were breathing for him...
he didn't want this life... he didn't want to be a burden to his mother... his future wife.... his daughter...
but i have to wonder... is it more of a burden that the 18 month old grows up without the benefit of her father's wisdom... advice... discipline
i think we sometimes put too much on what the body is able to do... and don't give nearly enough credit to all that we have to offer as just people... thoughts... ideas... experiences...
i'm in the midst of many medical tests... (and if i need you i'll let you know this is the topic of another blog)... but the point currently is no matter the outcome... i will choose to fight for my children because i want to watch them grow... i want to hear their opinions... i want to share my thoughts on what they want to wear for their first dance... graduation... i want to meet the people that they love... i want to kiss away their tears when their hearts break... there will always be things i can provide with so much more than my arms and legs...
does that make sense... for my friend... i will hold her hand through this hell she is in... and pray everyday for her to find peace in his decision... if you are a person that prays... send one up for them... they will need all they can get
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
ok...
so something i've believed to be true... well many will think it took her long enough... some will get it... right now... i'm tryin' to get ok with everything...
thank you all for loving me enough... i love you more than i've shown...
*sigh*
thank you all for loving me enough... i love you more than i've shown...
*sigh*
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Road Trip...
my new three favorite things....
Chapel Dulcinea
Hamilton Pool
Salt Lick BBQ
*sigh*
so at the end of it all... i said to my boy... 'Jake... good day or bad day?'
'Well mama... Thriving Ivory and Secondhand Serenade are now my bestfriends... it was the best day ever!'
we went on a roadtrip to Maxwell, TX to see the two mentioned bands... they signed pretty much anything my kids asked them too... including my sons bicep which he promptly asked if we could tatoo... yeah you'll thank me in about five years when i remind you that you wanted to do such a thing...
Deidre is TOO much fun to roadtrip with...
If you are in the area... SERIOUSLY... see the above three places... Salt Lick is not really an 'unknown' to those familiar with Texas cuisine... but i don't know how well known the other two are... but they are WELL worth a look...
Chapel Dulcinea
Hamilton Pool
Salt Lick BBQ
*sigh*
so at the end of it all... i said to my boy... 'Jake... good day or bad day?'
'Well mama... Thriving Ivory and Secondhand Serenade are now my bestfriends... it was the best day ever!'
we went on a roadtrip to Maxwell, TX to see the two mentioned bands... they signed pretty much anything my kids asked them too... including my sons bicep which he promptly asked if we could tatoo... yeah you'll thank me in about five years when i remind you that you wanted to do such a thing...
Deidre is TOO much fun to roadtrip with...
If you are in the area... SERIOUSLY... see the above three places... Salt Lick is not really an 'unknown' to those familiar with Texas cuisine... but i don't know how well known the other two are... but they are WELL worth a look...
Monday, September 08, 2008
stolen from my HayJay
I AM … refreshed.
I WANT… to go back to Austin.
I HAVE… to go on vacation soon.
I KEEP… the paper wristbands from shows.
I WISH I COULD… write songs.
I HATE… that word...
I FEAR… my children being in pain.
I HEAR… that little voice in my head telling me to go slow.
I DON’T THINK… clearly before 10am.
I REGRET… nothing.
I LOVE… music.
I AM NOT… ready for cold weather.
I DANCE… only when drunk.
I SING… all the time.
I NEVER… say never.
I RARELY… take a day off.
I CRY WHEN I WATCH… The Notebook or Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.
I AM NOT ALWAYS… at peace.
I HATE THAT… I can't seem to be stronger.
I’M CONFUSED ABOUT… a hundred different things.
I NEED… relax... take one thing at a time... then I'll get it right.
I SHOULD… stop shoulding on myself...
I WANT… to go back to Austin.
I HAVE… to go on vacation soon.
I KEEP… the paper wristbands from shows.
I WISH I COULD… write songs.
I HATE… that word...
I FEAR… my children being in pain.
I HEAR… that little voice in my head telling me to go slow.
I DON’T THINK… clearly before 10am.
I REGRET… nothing.
I LOVE… music.
I AM NOT… ready for cold weather.
I DANCE… only when drunk.
I SING… all the time.
I NEVER… say never.
I RARELY… take a day off.
I CRY WHEN I WATCH… The Notebook or Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.
I AM NOT ALWAYS… at peace.
I HATE THAT… I can't seem to be stronger.
I’M CONFUSED ABOUT… a hundred different things.
I NEED… relax... take one thing at a time... then I'll get it right.
I SHOULD… stop shoulding on myself...
Thursday, August 28, 2008
"it all started... naturally with hate me..."
safe to say... if you have seen the tattoo... i'm MORE than passionate about this song... and now this too...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
The Thorn Birds
"There is a legend about a bird which sings just once in its life, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. From the moment it leaves the nest it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it has found one. Then, singing among the savage branches, it impales itself upon the longest, sharpest spine. And, dying, it rises above its own agony to out-carol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative song, existence the price. But the whole world stills to listen, and God in His heaven smiles. For the best is only bought at the price of great pain... or so says the legend..." by Colleen McCollough
ok... i have read this book every year... at least once a year since I was about 11... yes that young for such a mature story...
it's my favorite novel... or it was...
until now... Twilight the Series by Stephenie Meyer
oh My HECK... it's amazing...
"Do you think any of us want to look him in the eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?" Alice
i don't want to give anything away... but I'm on team Edward... I hear these are labled young adult novels... wtf ever... just sayin' they are well written and as a mid adult... well H.O.T. for me... but i have this crazy vampire thing anyway... I love them... LOVE them...
ok... i have read this book every year... at least once a year since I was about 11... yes that young for such a mature story...
it's my favorite novel... or it was...
until now... Twilight the Series by Stephenie Meyer
oh My HECK... it's amazing...
"Do you think any of us want to look him in the eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?" Alice
i don't want to give anything away... but I'm on team Edward... I hear these are labled young adult novels... wtf ever... just sayin' they are well written and as a mid adult... well H.O.T. for me... but i have this crazy vampire thing anyway... I love them... LOVE them...
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Lowest of lows…
The thing about me is that when I’m happy, excited or passionate about something it takes me to this almost magical place where everything looks better, smells better, tastes better, feels better… a friend recently said to me that she never gets terribly excited about anything… but she is ok with that because the converse is that she never gets the opposite which is feeling just utterly shattered.
That’s pretty much where I have been lately… feeling like I can’t get out of my own way… feeling sad… lonely… confused… empty…
I’m not bi-polar ~ I’ve been on enough couches… it would have been diagnosed by now if I was. But I’ll say that it feels that way sometime. I can very much point at all the factors that have me feeling this way and I’m trying to sort them all out… it’s just none of it is a quick fix… it’s all things that take time and patience and you just have to muddle through…
So I’m not in Idaho ~ I need to be… but I had to make one of those awful grown up decisions… I need badly a vacation… not necessarily to go anywhere other than to just shut down my mind for a brief period of time and rejuvenate. I’m working on that.
For those that check in here… I do miss you all a lot. I’m just not a whole lot of fun right now so I’ve kept to myself… I’ll come back around to the happy side of life again soon… I feel confident of that!
That’s pretty much where I have been lately… feeling like I can’t get out of my own way… feeling sad… lonely… confused… empty…
I’m not bi-polar ~ I’ve been on enough couches… it would have been diagnosed by now if I was. But I’ll say that it feels that way sometime. I can very much point at all the factors that have me feeling this way and I’m trying to sort them all out… it’s just none of it is a quick fix… it’s all things that take time and patience and you just have to muddle through…
So I’m not in Idaho ~ I need to be… but I had to make one of those awful grown up decisions… I need badly a vacation… not necessarily to go anywhere other than to just shut down my mind for a brief period of time and rejuvenate. I’m working on that.
For those that check in here… I do miss you all a lot. I’m just not a whole lot of fun right now so I’ve kept to myself… I’ll come back around to the happy side of life again soon… I feel confident of that!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
'...you are beautiful.'
Who doesn't want to hear that... right... and people tell me all the time... and mostly i know they are referring to what they see on the inside... and that's THE most important part to me anyway...
however... someone lately started telling me that they think i'm beautiful.... to look at... and they aren't legally required to think so...
it's nice.... it's very nice
however... someone lately started telling me that they think i'm beautiful.... to look at... and they aren't legally required to think so...
it's nice.... it's very nice
Monday, May 05, 2008
for my friends who read...
Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
“Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.” (Blue Like Jazz)
i love this book... take the time... you won't regret it
“Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.” (Blue Like Jazz)
i love this book... take the time... you won't regret it
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
down to 2...
and i keep trying to find the word...
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN...
did NOT disappoint... and you know i was four rows from the ceiling and with the exception of the 12 year olds that were up front... i don't believe there was a person having more fun in the arena... the person that got the tix told me today he was sorry he couldn't get better seats... but you know what... i was a fan with other fans... having THE TIME OF OUR LIVES...
Jon Bon Jovi showing up to hang out and sing one with Bruce didn't suk either!!!
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN...
did NOT disappoint... and you know i was four rows from the ceiling and with the exception of the 12 year olds that were up front... i don't believe there was a person having more fun in the arena... the person that got the tix told me today he was sorry he couldn't get better seats... but you know what... i was a fan with other fans... having THE TIME OF OUR LIVES...
Jon Bon Jovi showing up to hang out and sing one with Bruce didn't suk either!!!
Sunday, April 06, 2008
'i just wanted you to know i had a lot of fun with you last night...'
and thing about that comment is i think i've come a long way in a year... the first time i went to a show when i moved to Texas... i was talking to my gage on the phone on the way back to my apartment... and i remember saying 'i'm not sure how this is going to work... they want to talk and play too much... i REALLY want to listen to the guy on the stage'... my friend assured me that night that after a certain amount of time i'd relax and realize they aren't going to be few and far between... i won't always need to be front and center... or everyone will think i'm a freak... LOL
of course because my gage IS NEVER right... i assured him that if that happened i would lose something special that i treasure so NO that won't happen...
ok ammending that now 'cause he was right... and it's ok... because i think i've found the balance and i don't feel the urgency like i used to which is a blessing 'cause that was heartbreaking sometimes...
and i get to enjoy my friends too and THAT is the best part!!!
of course because my gage IS NEVER right... i assured him that if that happened i would lose something special that i treasure so NO that won't happen...
ok ammending that now 'cause he was right... and it's ok... because i think i've found the balance and i don't feel the urgency like i used to which is a blessing 'cause that was heartbreaking sometimes...
and i get to enjoy my friends too and THAT is the best part!!!
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
can i just say again...
O.A.R. this band makes me HAPPY... ok... i just got Live At Madison Square Garden on DVD... sooo very good... if you like say... Dave Matthews... Reggae... good music... give it a try
and then... ok... seriously
Secondhand Serenade... i can NOT stress enough how much I LOVE THE WRITING... so if you are looking for something new... you won't be disappointed
and then... ok... seriously
Secondhand Serenade... i can NOT stress enough how much I LOVE THE WRITING... so if you are looking for something new... you won't be disappointed
Monday, March 31, 2008
'You look so rested!'
that's what i was told today... okay... let's give you just a little background... first of all there is the whole MESS that has been my life since January (which if you read my blog you know already)... then last week was Michigan... four auctions a day... 900 properties... ugh
at 5:10pm on Friday... the president of a brokerage in IN called to talk to the president of my company... bottomline... this lady is trying to buy a house... she is havin' a mental issue... tried to kill herself... blah blah blah... (for the record doesn't sound like a good risk for a mortgage if you ask me) anyway... i'm SO not the person in my office to handle this kind of stuff yet it fell on me 'cause well it's who i am... after that however... i was completely SPENT
so it was Greenfest this weekend... friends... music... road trip... we head out on Saturday morning... and all of a sudden four hours later... we chatted our way to San Antonio and it felt like five minutes...
i just have to say... i needed a place... a safe place to just cut loose and know that i would be taken care of... i found it... and i'll tell you what i say it all the time... i am blessed with the best friends in the world... i drank a beer or two... i laughed... i hugged... i listened to my favorite music... there were tears... but the happiest ones!!! i made a fool of myself in front of dktx but i believe he'll forgive me... in fact that's why it was ok because they ALL will forgive me and understand that it was just necessary.
Sunday home was PERFECT, at least i thought so, we took our time... we stopped and sat by the pool... had a beer... listened to Dave Mason... again perfect
i missed some of my favorites and i wish they were there... but can i just say... this weekend did so much to heal what was broken... and so yes today i felt whole... and rested... and LOVED
THANK. YOU.
at 5:10pm on Friday... the president of a brokerage in IN called to talk to the president of my company... bottomline... this lady is trying to buy a house... she is havin' a mental issue... tried to kill herself... blah blah blah... (for the record doesn't sound like a good risk for a mortgage if you ask me) anyway... i'm SO not the person in my office to handle this kind of stuff yet it fell on me 'cause well it's who i am... after that however... i was completely SPENT
so it was Greenfest this weekend... friends... music... road trip... we head out on Saturday morning... and all of a sudden four hours later... we chatted our way to San Antonio and it felt like five minutes...
i just have to say... i needed a place... a safe place to just cut loose and know that i would be taken care of... i found it... and i'll tell you what i say it all the time... i am blessed with the best friends in the world... i drank a beer or two... i laughed... i hugged... i listened to my favorite music... there were tears... but the happiest ones!!! i made a fool of myself in front of dktx but i believe he'll forgive me... in fact that's why it was ok because they ALL will forgive me and understand that it was just necessary.
Sunday home was PERFECT, at least i thought so, we took our time... we stopped and sat by the pool... had a beer... listened to Dave Mason... again perfect
i missed some of my favorites and i wish they were there... but can i just say... this weekend did so much to heal what was broken... and so yes today i felt whole... and rested... and LOVED
THANK. YOU.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Our Horoscope
i say our 'cause A LOT of Geminis read my blog...
Is something just not working out in one of your newer relationships? Miscommunication, misunderstandings, and inconsiderate actions have helped build up quite a wall between you two, and you need to address the situation today. Do not dwell on what has happened -- focus more on the reason you have chosen to be in each other's lives to begin with. Has that reason changed? If so, it might be time for you to move on. Friendships don't always have to last forever.
very interesting... we'll see how this works out.
Is something just not working out in one of your newer relationships? Miscommunication, misunderstandings, and inconsiderate actions have helped build up quite a wall between you two, and you need to address the situation today. Do not dwell on what has happened -- focus more on the reason you have chosen to be in each other's lives to begin with. Has that reason changed? If so, it might be time for you to move on. Friendships don't always have to last forever.
very interesting... we'll see how this works out.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
The reality of swaddling…
they teach you in the hospital when you have a baby… ok at least they did 12 years ago… anyway they teach you how to swaddle you baby. They explain that when you do this they feel safe… the idea being it resembles the confinement they felt in the womb and that’s familiar to them.
So what they don’t teach you is that you will always be trying to recreate that feeling… the rest of your life… you’ll go through phases as to what you use… when I was really little it was this pillow that I literally just relinquished about five years ago… it got so threadbare at one point that I sewed a pillowcase shut to keep it together a bit longer… then it was my grandfather’s army jacket from Korea… I wore that big ‘ol jacket daily with everything… and it was FUGLY no question… but I felt both safe from and ready for battle in it ~ you know during those angst filled teen years when the ENTIRE world is against you and yours for the conquering all at the same time…it still hangs in the closet at my parents home… I pull it out every now and again when I’m there just ‘cause
In the most recent years it’s my light blue old navy hoodie… nothing special about it really but i wear it when I’m just in need of feeling safe… protected… comfortable ~ it’s also my charms… i am not often without them… it’s funny because when I share them with people who are curious they tend to comment (faith ~ you do have a lot of faith… courage ~ oh I agree I’ve known few with the kind of courage you have…) what they are missing is that I wear the charms I wear because they are things I feel I am lacking and need…
Finally it’s always music… l will drive with it as loud as I can trying to bathe myself in the peacekeeper of the moment (Secondhand Serenade…OAR… that’s what’s doing it for me right now)… I walk around with my iPod in my pocket and an earbud in one ear the other left for the world…
So the lesson learned here is this… if you see me… in my light blue old navy hoodie… iPod in one ear… it’s probably not a good day
Shiny Moment of the Day ~
Jake ~ ‘mama… what’s this?’
Me ~ ‘it’s mascara’
Jake ~ ‘what’s that for?’
Me ~ ‘your eyelashes…’
Jake ~ ‘ok… where’s the stuff that makes your lips sparkly… I like it when you sparkle’
So what they don’t teach you is that you will always be trying to recreate that feeling… the rest of your life… you’ll go through phases as to what you use… when I was really little it was this pillow that I literally just relinquished about five years ago… it got so threadbare at one point that I sewed a pillowcase shut to keep it together a bit longer… then it was my grandfather’s army jacket from Korea… I wore that big ‘ol jacket daily with everything… and it was FUGLY no question… but I felt both safe from and ready for battle in it ~ you know during those angst filled teen years when the ENTIRE world is against you and yours for the conquering all at the same time…it still hangs in the closet at my parents home… I pull it out every now and again when I’m there just ‘cause
In the most recent years it’s my light blue old navy hoodie… nothing special about it really but i wear it when I’m just in need of feeling safe… protected… comfortable ~ it’s also my charms… i am not often without them… it’s funny because when I share them with people who are curious they tend to comment (faith ~ you do have a lot of faith… courage ~ oh I agree I’ve known few with the kind of courage you have…) what they are missing is that I wear the charms I wear because they are things I feel I am lacking and need…
Finally it’s always music… l will drive with it as loud as I can trying to bathe myself in the peacekeeper of the moment (Secondhand Serenade…OAR… that’s what’s doing it for me right now)… I walk around with my iPod in my pocket and an earbud in one ear the other left for the world…
So the lesson learned here is this… if you see me… in my light blue old navy hoodie… iPod in one ear… it’s probably not a good day
Shiny Moment of the Day ~
Jake ~ ‘mama… what’s this?’
Me ~ ‘it’s mascara’
Jake ~ ‘what’s that for?’
Me ~ ‘your eyelashes…’
Jake ~ ‘ok… where’s the stuff that makes your lips sparkly… I like it when you sparkle’
Sunday, March 23, 2008
i have so many thoughts these days...
depending on the minute and name in my last call list...
so i'm going to try and put some of them here in the hopes that i can start to sort through them...
first of all... i'm fearful that too much time with something that brings out the worst in me... is going to devour who i am until i become that person that i don't like even a little again
however... the one that loves me... i mean truly loves me... says it and i believe it... says it first even and if he forgets calls me back to say i'm sorry i forgot something... that one... my completely perfect imperfect love... he promises that it won't ever happen and i believe that he won't let it happen... how great is that feeling...
ok so many of you will be wondering about that... the thing is i choose to keep this for me... with very few exceptions... i know it won't ever be more than what it is right now... and right now it's exactly what i need... someone who knows EVERY detail of my life... and i mean everything... and still loves me not in spite of my weaknesses but accepting them and holding my hand when they are exposed
so the weeks since i've last posted have been filled these two things... too much time and then not nearly enough... i think one balances out the other... that's what i'm hoping anyway
so i'm going to try and put some of them here in the hopes that i can start to sort through them...
first of all... i'm fearful that too much time with something that brings out the worst in me... is going to devour who i am until i become that person that i don't like even a little again
however... the one that loves me... i mean truly loves me... says it and i believe it... says it first even and if he forgets calls me back to say i'm sorry i forgot something... that one... my completely perfect imperfect love... he promises that it won't ever happen and i believe that he won't let it happen... how great is that feeling...
ok so many of you will be wondering about that... the thing is i choose to keep this for me... with very few exceptions... i know it won't ever be more than what it is right now... and right now it's exactly what i need... someone who knows EVERY detail of my life... and i mean everything... and still loves me not in spite of my weaknesses but accepting them and holding my hand when they are exposed
so the weeks since i've last posted have been filled these two things... too much time and then not nearly enough... i think one balances out the other... that's what i'm hoping anyway
Sunday, March 02, 2008
week 2...
so there are two songs... that regardless of everything... will always bring the tears... and today in church the choir beautifully sang one of them... the other is Ave Maria...
amazing grace... how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me....
i once was lost but now am found...
was blind but now i see...
t'was grace that taught...
my heart to fear...
and Grace my fears relieved...
how precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed
through many dangers toils and snares
we have already come
t'was grace that brought us safe thus far
and grace will lead us home.
the Lord has promised good to me...
his word my hope secures
he will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures
when we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun
we've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun
amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me....
i once was lost but now am found,
was blind but now I see...
the tears were happy... peaceful ones
amazing grace... how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me....
i once was lost but now am found...
was blind but now i see...
t'was grace that taught...
my heart to fear...
and Grace my fears relieved...
how precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed
through many dangers toils and snares
we have already come
t'was grace that brought us safe thus far
and grace will lead us home.
the Lord has promised good to me...
his word my hope secures
he will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures
when we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun
we've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun
amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me....
i once was lost but now am found,
was blind but now I see...
the tears were happy... peaceful ones
Thursday, February 28, 2008
movies
i'm on a kick right now...
Once, Waitress, Across the Universe, The Namesake, The Fountain
i recommend them all but remember i'm pretty out there in my taste so you may like them... you may not... but each one is worth a look
next in my que... Martian Boy and We Own the Night
i'll get back to you...
Once, Waitress, Across the Universe, The Namesake, The Fountain
i recommend them all but remember i'm pretty out there in my taste so you may like them... you may not... but each one is worth a look
next in my que... Martian Boy and We Own the Night
i'll get back to you...
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thirst Quenchers
you know i'm a big believer in signs... i like having some kind of guidance that i'm on the right path...
so yesterday we went to church.
Jordan has been wanting to go for some time now... she went with my dear friend Lisa, however Lisa is Catholic ~ i was not raised Catholic and that's all i'm going to say about that 'cause see one of the biggest reasons i don't go every Sunday is because while i have a very good relationship with Our Father... i have not always left houses built in his honor feeling his presence there ~ and again... enough said about that
yesterday was not one of those situations... and when we pulled in and Jordan said 'You can go to church in jeans?' as we watched some of the others there walking in i knew i had chosen the right place for us ~ my response to her 'You absolutely should be able to ~ God doesn't care what you wear he's looking into your heart.'
the sermon yesterday was based on Exodus 17 ~ where Moses got water from the rock... and the Pastor talked about being alone in the desert and feeling thirsty ~ metaphorically of course referring to that feeling i've mentioned here all too much lately about whether God is paying attention or not... so yeah it could not have been a more perfect day for us to go
Jordan loved it... it was the right mixture of worship... song... devotions... just a beautiful service with the right focus in every aspect of the day... so we will be going back...
so yesterday we went to church.
Jordan has been wanting to go for some time now... she went with my dear friend Lisa, however Lisa is Catholic ~ i was not raised Catholic and that's all i'm going to say about that 'cause see one of the biggest reasons i don't go every Sunday is because while i have a very good relationship with Our Father... i have not always left houses built in his honor feeling his presence there ~ and again... enough said about that
yesterday was not one of those situations... and when we pulled in and Jordan said 'You can go to church in jeans?' as we watched some of the others there walking in i knew i had chosen the right place for us ~ my response to her 'You absolutely should be able to ~ God doesn't care what you wear he's looking into your heart.'
the sermon yesterday was based on Exodus 17 ~ where Moses got water from the rock... and the Pastor talked about being alone in the desert and feeling thirsty ~ metaphorically of course referring to that feeling i've mentioned here all too much lately about whether God is paying attention or not... so yeah it could not have been a more perfect day for us to go
Jordan loved it... it was the right mixture of worship... song... devotions... just a beautiful service with the right focus in every aspect of the day... so we will be going back...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
‘The truth hurts’
right… that’s what they say ~ and it can… so my advice to you today my dearest friends
be VERY careful who you share your truths with… be certain they are worthy and will carry it safely… that they will not turn your truths on you to hurt you… because that hurt… well it’s just numbing
so go to wherever you go to hear music and listen to this… every once in awhile I’ll hear a song and TRULY wonder… was this written about me…
- James Blunt Lyrics
be VERY careful who you share your truths with… be certain they are worthy and will carry it safely… that they will not turn your truths on you to hurt you… because that hurt… well it’s just numbing
so go to wherever you go to hear music and listen to this… every once in awhile I’ll hear a song and TRULY wonder… was this written about me…
- James Blunt Lyrics
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
i have an email...
that says 'Your Bob Dylan ticket is attached'
OH. MY. HECK.
better than 100 Christmas mornings for me in my world!!!
OH. MY. HECK.
better than 100 Christmas mornings for me in my world!!!
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
i'm just broken...
and havin' a hard time matchin' the pieces back up to glue them all together again... and when i start to ~ i get shaken... so i think i'm just sittin' in the mess for a minute and prayin'
it's all i got... i just hope that i find a fire to warm this sadness soon 'cause i don't want this to be me...
it's all i got... i just hope that i find a fire to warm this sadness soon 'cause i don't want this to be me...
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Junior High
ugh... so we registered... and i cried... nuff said ~ they are growing too fast... my folks always said that... i never got it... 'til now... and mostly it's just 'cause i love them... and i love being with them... and i don't want them to leave me... selfish i know... ugh
Super Bowl... seriously ~ 18-1 ~ AWESOME... my daddy is SOO happy... POETIC JUSTICE i say
note to self... next super bowl monday... take a personal day...
jordan apparently can shoot dice... which made her smile... and that is a good thing... already lost mother of the year award for this one... it was like 11pm on a school night... OOPS
i'm not sure when it became ok to have video games in my house... but not only are they here... they are starting to take over... that's gonna change
there is the possiblity that i may talk to the one that keeps me sane soon... to tell or not to tell... damn it...
U23D ~ GO SEE IT... if you even like one song they have ever sang you will enjoy it... if you consider yourself a fan... you'll be BLOWN. AWAY.
One Lyrics
i'm going again... this weekend even
Super Bowl... seriously ~ 18-1 ~ AWESOME... my daddy is SOO happy... POETIC JUSTICE i say
note to self... next super bowl monday... take a personal day...
jordan apparently can shoot dice... which made her smile... and that is a good thing... already lost mother of the year award for this one... it was like 11pm on a school night... OOPS
i'm not sure when it became ok to have video games in my house... but not only are they here... they are starting to take over... that's gonna change
there is the possiblity that i may talk to the one that keeps me sane soon... to tell or not to tell... damn it...
U23D ~ GO SEE IT... if you even like one song they have ever sang you will enjoy it... if you consider yourself a fan... you'll be BLOWN. AWAY.
One Lyrics
i'm going again... this weekend even
Sunday, January 27, 2008
so much to say...
but i'm gonna start with a very serious truth that i am strugglin' with today...
i truly have what's it called dysmorphia or something... yeah i could google it but sometimes i just like being you know how we were before the internet where we kind of knew what we were talkin' about... enough anyway so that the conversation could be had and that was always enough... shoot now does anyone really talk about anything real to anyone anymore... i warned ya' i got a lot on my mind...
anyway ~ you know that thing where you don't really see yourself as you are... in the mirror AND i'm not talkin' 'Man in the Mirror' kind of stuff... i mean... really ~ physically... 'cause well for any of my male friends that read this ~ i apologize in advance and you may want to stop reading here... but lately when i have PMS which lasts for about 10 days it seems... not that i'm bitchy or whatever... just well don't touch my chest... and for about five of those 10 days i swear the girls triple in size... and i am honestly in shock that my clothes fit me... and fit me easily even 'cause i feel HUGE and that's what I see in the mirror... now a few of you have seen the picture ~ seriously that is the girl i still see when i look at myself...
so the point here... i probably need more therapy or a labotamy (i don't care if that's not how you spell it...) 'cause it's really starting to just bother me too much... and i know i take good care of myself.... i work out ~ well hello I LOVE my Eliptical... nuff said... i could eat better... but ugh ~ i hate food...
k... i just had to get that out...
i truly have what's it called dysmorphia or something... yeah i could google it but sometimes i just like being you know how we were before the internet where we kind of knew what we were talkin' about... enough anyway so that the conversation could be had and that was always enough... shoot now does anyone really talk about anything real to anyone anymore... i warned ya' i got a lot on my mind...
anyway ~ you know that thing where you don't really see yourself as you are... in the mirror AND i'm not talkin' 'Man in the Mirror' kind of stuff... i mean... really ~ physically... 'cause well for any of my male friends that read this ~ i apologize in advance and you may want to stop reading here... but lately when i have PMS which lasts for about 10 days it seems... not that i'm bitchy or whatever... just well don't touch my chest... and for about five of those 10 days i swear the girls triple in size... and i am honestly in shock that my clothes fit me... and fit me easily even 'cause i feel HUGE and that's what I see in the mirror... now a few of you have seen the picture ~ seriously that is the girl i still see when i look at myself...
so the point here... i probably need more therapy or a labotamy (i don't care if that's not how you spell it...) 'cause it's really starting to just bother me too much... and i know i take good care of myself.... i work out ~ well hello I LOVE my Eliptical... nuff said... i could eat better... but ugh ~ i hate food...
k... i just had to get that out...
Saturday, January 26, 2008
In the Land of Women...
great movie... well i enjoyed it anyway... and the reason i left... was so that my daughter would never say to someone ~
"i can't end up like her... she's cold and superficial... i mean she's obsessed with making her life look like a crate and barrell catalog... i don't understand how she doesn't scream every time she looks in a mirror" ~ Lucy
'cause i was headin' THERE... bullet dodged
so... i sat on my couch and watched a movie... might be the first time since i've lived here that i've done this... i typically sit on the coffee table... odd i realize but i can't explain it... it keeps me on my toes
Jordan has... Bronchitis... Toncilitis... Asthma... and Strep.... just YUK is all i have to say about that...
i heart my new dining room set... and my new tv ~ A LOT
i hired a housekeeper... and i am NOT ashamed of that... twice a month... and i get to play with my kids on the weekends i'm not workin' instead of trying to do it all ~ MUCH better plan
ok... that's all for now... OH WAIT... Adam Brody ~ my latest crush... *sigh*
"i can't end up like her... she's cold and superficial... i mean she's obsessed with making her life look like a crate and barrell catalog... i don't understand how she doesn't scream every time she looks in a mirror" ~ Lucy
'cause i was headin' THERE... bullet dodged
so... i sat on my couch and watched a movie... might be the first time since i've lived here that i've done this... i typically sit on the coffee table... odd i realize but i can't explain it... it keeps me on my toes
Jordan has... Bronchitis... Toncilitis... Asthma... and Strep.... just YUK is all i have to say about that...
i heart my new dining room set... and my new tv ~ A LOT
i hired a housekeeper... and i am NOT ashamed of that... twice a month... and i get to play with my kids on the weekends i'm not workin' instead of trying to do it all ~ MUCH better plan
ok... that's all for now... OH WAIT... Adam Brody ~ my latest crush... *sigh*
Monday, January 21, 2008
'one man come in the name of love' ~ U2
so every year i re-read it... this year i found something even more special... but i ask you my friends... you know 'the' part but have you ever listened to or read the entire speech... it'll take your breath away....
and i give you the beauty of Mr. King... GOD rest his soul...
I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."
But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.
We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.
But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.
We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.
We cannot turn back.
There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. *We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by a sign stating: "For Whites Only."* We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."²
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:
My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania. Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.But not only that Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia. Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee. Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:
Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!!"
and if that wasn't enough...
'... free at last
they took your life
they COULD NOT take your PRIDE...' ~ U2... Pride
and i give you the beauty of Mr. King... GOD rest his soul...
I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."
But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.
We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.
But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.
We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.
We cannot turn back.
There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. *We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by a sign stating: "For Whites Only."* We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."²
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:
My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania. Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.But not only that Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia. Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee. Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:
Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!!"
and if that wasn't enough...
'... free at last
they took your life
they COULD NOT take your PRIDE...' ~ U2... Pride
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Stay
by Sugarland... go watch the video on YouTube or their myspace... really listen to that song...
Sugarland Lyrics
Sugarland Lyrics
Sunday, January 13, 2008
so i had a NYE do-over...
and it was PERFECT.... well almost perfect
i love Love LOVE Bleu Edmondson Band as I've mentioned here a time or two... the setlist couldn't have been more perfect as they placed 'The Band Played On' which is a favorite and one i haven't heard a lot during the shows i've been to this year...
i'm in a quasi funk these days... which given everything is probably to be expected but i am starting to worry that i'm not gonna get that sparkle back that i was feeling a few weeks ago... i know its a time thing ~ it has to be a time thing...
i am fully entrenched in my new position at work... but the jury is out on how much i love it... i'm going to Atlanta next weekend and hoping to see a dear friend while there...
i still love my elliptical.... i still miss my bwj ~ not decided if i'm going to tell him about the recent events or not... although Jordan talks about it a lot so i guess i'm going to have to... i'm looking forward to Greenfest... Bleu and Drew that doesn't suk at all!!!
that's all i got for now... i'm sure i'll be more inspired soon...
i love Love LOVE Bleu Edmondson Band as I've mentioned here a time or two... the setlist couldn't have been more perfect as they placed 'The Band Played On' which is a favorite and one i haven't heard a lot during the shows i've been to this year...
i'm in a quasi funk these days... which given everything is probably to be expected but i am starting to worry that i'm not gonna get that sparkle back that i was feeling a few weeks ago... i know its a time thing ~ it has to be a time thing...
i am fully entrenched in my new position at work... but the jury is out on how much i love it... i'm going to Atlanta next weekend and hoping to see a dear friend while there...
i still love my elliptical.... i still miss my bwj ~ not decided if i'm going to tell him about the recent events or not... although Jordan talks about it a lot so i guess i'm going to have to... i'm looking forward to Greenfest... Bleu and Drew that doesn't suk at all!!!
that's all i got for now... i'm sure i'll be more inspired soon...
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Some Randomness...
* because some have asked ~ we are all physically ok... Jake slept through everything... Jordan is getting the help she'll need to sort out the ugliness... and well i went from numb to pissed off... now i'm just mildly irritated...
* text msgs at 2am make me smile
* bowling rox... especially when there are REALLY large screens projecting football games so that you can bowl, watch football and drink beer all at once ~ ok i put the beer down to actually bowl but you get my point ~ we had A BLAST and it was necessary!!!
* the elliptical is the BEST investment ever HANDS down... i LOVE it.. not only do i love it... but Jake ~ well safe to say at this rate he will be the most in shape seven year old around... and he takes it so seriously 'Mom... give me a minute i'm workin' out here!'
* while the new tv is pretty great... the fact that i was forced into is... takes away some of the shiny
* again i have THE BEST friends a person could ask for... it was a HARD week... but it's over
* Jordan believes Finger on the Trigger is the best song ever written... listening to it this mornin' ~ you know... i don't disagree with that today
Lord sometimes I wonder
if your even there
Cause my burden's backbreakin
it's more than I can bear ~ Brandon Jenkins
of course my faith is still strong... but there are those moments when i'm in the middle of the storm that for a brief moment i wonder if he blinked or something...
* text msgs at 2am make me smile
* bowling rox... especially when there are REALLY large screens projecting football games so that you can bowl, watch football and drink beer all at once ~ ok i put the beer down to actually bowl but you get my point ~ we had A BLAST and it was necessary!!!
* the elliptical is the BEST investment ever HANDS down... i LOVE it.. not only do i love it... but Jake ~ well safe to say at this rate he will be the most in shape seven year old around... and he takes it so seriously 'Mom... give me a minute i'm workin' out here!'
* while the new tv is pretty great... the fact that i was forced into is... takes away some of the shiny
* again i have THE BEST friends a person could ask for... it was a HARD week... but it's over
* Jordan believes Finger on the Trigger is the best song ever written... listening to it this mornin' ~ you know... i don't disagree with that today
Lord sometimes I wonder
if your even there
Cause my burden's backbreakin
it's more than I can bear ~ Brandon Jenkins
of course my faith is still strong... but there are those moments when i'm in the middle of the storm that for a brief moment i wonder if he blinked or something...
Friday, January 04, 2008
2008
You can patch holes in the walls… you can replace broken picture frames… you can buy new tvs… vacuums…. Clean up the shattered glass…
And you can do all of that in a very short amount of time…
The damage that you do to a young heart… and the trust that is broken… the respect that is lost… the confidence that is shattered… the nightmares that follow… FIXING ALL that… well it takes a lot more time… patience…understanding… strong arms to hug her… and LOVE
So the year has not started off with the kind of bang I had hoped for… but once again after pickin’ up the pieces… I’m still standing strong… and good LORD that is something.
And you can do all of that in a very short amount of time…
The damage that you do to a young heart… and the trust that is broken… the respect that is lost… the confidence that is shattered… the nightmares that follow… FIXING ALL that… well it takes a lot more time… patience…understanding… strong arms to hug her… and LOVE
So the year has not started off with the kind of bang I had hoped for… but once again after pickin’ up the pieces… I’m still standing strong… and good LORD that is something.
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