i have so many thoughts these days...

depending on the minute and name in my last call list...

so i'm going to try and put some of them here in the hopes that i can start to sort through them...

first of all... i'm fearful that too much time with something that brings out the worst in me... is going to devour who i am until i become that person that i don't like even a little again

however... the one that loves me... i mean truly loves me... says it and i believe it... says it first even and if he forgets calls me back to say i'm sorry i forgot something... that one... my completely perfect imperfect love... he promises that it won't ever happen and i believe that he won't let it happen... how great is that feeling...

ok so many of you will be wondering about that... the thing is i choose to keep this for me... with very few exceptions... i know it won't ever be more than what it is right now... and right now it's exactly what i need... someone who knows EVERY detail of my life... and i mean everything... and still loves me not in spite of my weaknesses but accepting them and holding my hand when they are exposed

so the weeks since i've last posted have been filled these two things... too much time and then not nearly enough... i think one balances out the other... that's what i'm hoping anyway