i don't look forward at all to the day that they are too cool to go for pizza and ice cream with me ~ to the day when i look in the rear view mirror and instead of singing with me they each have their own set of head phones on and have that vacant stare out the window plotting their next teen angst filled adventure ~ and 'double gulp' to the day when i am forced to walk out of their college dorm and get into an empty car and go to an empty... quiet... clean house ~ nope not having any of it...
hmmm maybe then i'll be inspired myself to finally go to college ~ lol
the song of choice to sing over and over tonight...
I'd Rather Be ~ Brandon Jones
'and I'd rather be in Tennessee
a star on music row
cause maybe then
you'd like my songs
if they were played on the radio...'
currently Jordan's favorite song in the world i was informed this evening...;)
Friday, July 29, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
see Coach Carter...
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same….” by Marianne Williamson ~ recited by Timo Cruz to Coach Carter... awesome... that's all... carry on...
i want to move...
to the parallel universe in which Dub Miller is actually the biggest headliner of the summer and Toby Keith is actually getting his law degree 'cause he's decided music isn't working out the way he had hoped...Brandon Jones just released his sophomore album to huge accolades not Dierks Bentley (sorry to the Dierks fans who read this... i don't happen to be one) and i actually have more face time with the ones i love most
A Better Place to Be ~ Harry Chapin
'cause i know i'm going nowhere
and anywhere is a better place to be...'
A Better Place to Be ~ Harry Chapin
'cause i know i'm going nowhere
and anywhere is a better place to be...'
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
whether a pearl or a pea...
it's the same thing... an irritation ~ you know the deal... a grain of sand one day a pearl the next... a tiny pea under a thousand mattresses and she can't sleep 'cause she can feel the irritation ~ well to me they are very similar in their significance i guess ~ and i have this 'irritation' that i force deep down inside... it has potential (pearl) but mostly i ignore it... tossing and turning... but while i'm awake and while i'm sleeping ~ it makes me restless and wanna keep moving trying to get away from it and mostly i'm fine until someone mentions it... that it is there ~ so again the pearl part because others can see it ~ i prefer it to be a pea... 'cause i just want it to stay buried ~ i can't do anything with it... AND i don't want it to go away 'cause it's valuable to me so it's like i get used to it... anyway it irritated me all day today... that's all
i hope they do this song tomorrow... Where Are You Going ~ Dave Matthews Band
'where are you going,
where do you go
are you looking for answers
to questions under the stars
well if along the way
you are grown weary
you can rest with me
until a brighter day
when your ok...'
i hope they do this song tomorrow... Where Are You Going ~ Dave Matthews Band
'where are you going,
where do you go
are you looking for answers
to questions under the stars
well if along the way
you are grown weary
you can rest with me
until a brighter day
when your ok...'
Monday, July 25, 2005
i was going to write about addiction...
mostly 'cause i'm addicted to live music... and the adrenline rush lasts for days... it's the best thing ~ a friend is coming off of a 'heroin' addiction of sorts... i've promised to hold his hand this week and i will that's easy... i'll listen... that's easy too... i'll give my opinion and advice if he wants it even and if not... i'll just sit quietly 'cause sometimes silence says everything
so instead let me explain 'cause it occured to me that not everyone might get what i saw so clearly... my new favorite saying
'Use both hands... look both ways... love each other. ~ Pat Green'
he said that at the end of our show in Palms Springs ~ I have it in my sig line on a message board that a lot who read my blog post on and someone that doesn't post there saw it and was all ~ i don't get it... so here is how i take it...
those are the basic life lessons in my opinion ~ if you always choose to DO those three things... you will make fewer mistakes... you will find peace inside your self more often... you will smile more and get smiles in return... your choices will be better... your vision clearer... your love will be truer ~ everything in your life will be more real because you went back to using your the tools in your toolbox that were first given to you because they are 'fool proof' so to speak
that's what it means to me anyway...
just not ready to move on from Pat yet... so he wrote this with the one who keeps me sane... Rob Thomas... Baby Doll...
'and when you close your eyes, you hear the music playing
you can see her dancin' underneath the spotlight
and when she sleeps, she dreams she’s back in Hollywood
when she was a younger girl, a pretty heart in a tainted world,
not sure who you wanna be your Daddy’s little drama queen:
i hope that when you find yourself, you’re more than just a baby doll...'
so instead let me explain 'cause it occured to me that not everyone might get what i saw so clearly... my new favorite saying
'Use both hands... look both ways... love each other. ~ Pat Green'
he said that at the end of our show in Palms Springs ~ I have it in my sig line on a message board that a lot who read my blog post on and someone that doesn't post there saw it and was all ~ i don't get it... so here is how i take it...
those are the basic life lessons in my opinion ~ if you always choose to DO those three things... you will make fewer mistakes... you will find peace inside your self more often... you will smile more and get smiles in return... your choices will be better... your vision clearer... your love will be truer ~ everything in your life will be more real because you went back to using your the tools in your toolbox that were first given to you because they are 'fool proof' so to speak
that's what it means to me anyway...
just not ready to move on from Pat yet... so he wrote this with the one who keeps me sane... Rob Thomas... Baby Doll...
'and when you close your eyes, you hear the music playing
you can see her dancin' underneath the spotlight
and when she sleeps, she dreams she’s back in Hollywood
when she was a younger girl, a pretty heart in a tainted world,
not sure who you wanna be your Daddy’s little drama queen:
i hope that when you find yourself, you’re more than just a baby doll...'
Saturday, July 23, 2005
some people...
talk too much... cry too much... eat too much... whine too much... stress too much... yell too much... drink too much... smoke too much
apparently we giggle too much
that ROX... there are so many things that are negative that we could do too much
just had too much fun... giggled too much...laughed too much... sang too loud
we watched people 'get' what we love most... how BRILLIANT!!!
ok and Crazy by Pat Green ~ Acoustic ~ that is almost too much...
'if i am truly crazy... don't you know i like my life this way...'
apparently we giggle too much
that ROX... there are so many things that are negative that we could do too much
just had too much fun... giggled too much...laughed too much... sang too loud
we watched people 'get' what we love most... how BRILLIANT!!!
ok and Crazy by Pat Green ~ Acoustic ~ that is almost too much...
'if i am truly crazy... don't you know i like my life this way...'
Thursday, July 21, 2005
i'm quiet when i'm afraid...
i learned that about myself the last few days i think...
and i heard something today just exactly when i needed to hear it ~ 'We are not made of our mistakes but rather of our possibilities' ~ i'll credit Oprah with that not sure if she said it originally but she is who said it today when i most needed to hear it
i am in fact human and have made mistakes ~ MANY mistakes even and lately i have been concerned that they define me more than i might want them to...
i do believe i have learned some very valuable lessons... and i also believe that some of what others view as mistakes i view as choices
ok just random i know ~ but golden tidbits for me and a lot of what i put here is to keep myself on track so to speak
and again just can not stop this song from running around in my head
Soul Shine ~ written by The Allman Brothers
performed brilliantly by Bleu Edmondson
'...sometimes a man can feel this emptiness,
like a woman has robbed him of his very soul.
a woman too, God knows, she can feel like this.
and when your world seems cold
you got to let your spirit take control.
let your soul shine,
it’s better than sunshine,
it’s better than moonshine,
damn sure better than rain.
Lord now people don’t mind,
we all get this way sometimes,
gotta let your soul shine,
shine till the break of day....'
and i heard something today just exactly when i needed to hear it ~ 'We are not made of our mistakes but rather of our possibilities' ~ i'll credit Oprah with that not sure if she said it originally but she is who said it today when i most needed to hear it
i am in fact human and have made mistakes ~ MANY mistakes even and lately i have been concerned that they define me more than i might want them to...
i do believe i have learned some very valuable lessons... and i also believe that some of what others view as mistakes i view as choices
ok just random i know ~ but golden tidbits for me and a lot of what i put here is to keep myself on track so to speak
and again just can not stop this song from running around in my head
Soul Shine ~ written by The Allman Brothers
performed brilliantly by Bleu Edmondson
'...sometimes a man can feel this emptiness,
like a woman has robbed him of his very soul.
a woman too, God knows, she can feel like this.
and when your world seems cold
you got to let your spirit take control.
let your soul shine,
it’s better than sunshine,
it’s better than moonshine,
damn sure better than rain.
Lord now people don’t mind,
we all get this way sometimes,
gotta let your soul shine,
shine till the break of day....'
old made new again...
both for real and through the eyes of my babies ~ a Drive In to see the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... the kids loved the drive in... whoever thought it was a better idea to move films inside... has forgotten what it was like to be 9 in your pj's with a corn dog ~ and Tim Burton and Johnny Depp did what i thought not possible and went into very skeptical... they changed enough to give it a life of its own and kept enough of the original to be true to the story
it was a great night to be a kid and a mom ~ AT THE SAME TIME even in my world tonight ;)
The Candyman... ok so this was missed a bit
'who can take a sunrise
sprinkle it in dew
cover it in chocolate
and a miracle or two?
the candyman
the candyman can
the candyman can cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good...'
it was a great night to be a kid and a mom ~ AT THE SAME TIME even in my world tonight ;)
The Candyman... ok so this was missed a bit
'who can take a sunrise
sprinkle it in dew
cover it in chocolate
and a miracle or two?
the candyman
the candyman can
the candyman can cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good...'
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Never have I thought...
that it is 'my world' and everyone else is lucky to live in it. i have had such sadness in my heart for this woman that i waited on last night because she does in fact believe that. i saw her tonight in the grocery store... she recognized me and looked away ~ i smiled... just in case she changed her mind... and i hope she understood that my smile was meant as a door for her to walk through where she could just give a little to those around her... a little patience... a little respect.. a little tolerance... a little concern... a little kindness... ~ the rewards she would reap ~ FANTABULOUS
so for her... from me... Teach Your Children ~ Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
'and you, of tender years,
can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
and so please help them with your youth,
they seek the truth before they can die...'
so for her... from me... Teach Your Children ~ Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
'and you, of tender years,
can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
and so please help them with your youth,
they seek the truth before they can die...'
Saturday, July 16, 2005
I'm going to take...
an acting class. 'Cause i suck at pretending to be any one other than me... and apparently i am not quite right and frustrate a few people so if i could just figure out how to act like they want me too... for the time that it's required... maybe things will be better for everyone ~ see i can be brilliant
He Went To Paris by Jimmy Buffet
'...some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life anyway'
i've decided i want that on my headstone ~ so someone take a note on that for me...
He Went To Paris by Jimmy Buffet
'...some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life anyway'
i've decided i want that on my headstone ~ so someone take a note on that for me...
Friday, July 15, 2005
apparently people wanna know...
so here we go ~ ;)
What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was getting ready to leave for a Vacation in Maine that resulted in the conception of my beautiful baby girl actually... ok that was a good memory already right out of the box.
5 years ago?
I was 6 months pregnant and grumpy.
1 year ago?
I was alone for the summer...babies were with their dad for eight weeks and between trips to Texas
Yesterday?
Went for lunch with a good friend and her two boys ~ it was good for all involved yet sad...
5 Snacks you enjoy?
1. Oranges
2. Strawberries
3. Grapes
4. Chips and Salsa
5. Pretzels
5 Songs You Know All the Word To
(i think 5 i don't know all the words to would be easier to come up with)
1. Little Bit Crazy ~ Bleu Edmondson
2. Calling You - Blue October
3. Carry On ~ Pat Green
4. Downtown ~ Stoney Larue
5. A Better Place to Be ~ Harry Chapin
5 Things You Would Do With 100 Million $
1. Move to Texas
2. Set up three college funds
3. Pay off my truck
4. Send anonymous money orders to ones i adore that I know wouldn't take a dime
5. Buy a GOOD tanning bed
5 Locations You Would Run Away To
1. Austin
2. Sherman
3. Boston
4. Houston
5. Switzerland
5 Things I Like Doing
1. Seeing Live Music
2. Driving in my truck
3. Walking on the beach
4. Playing with my friends
5. Making people smile
5 Things I Will Never Wear
1. a belly shirt
2. any kind of girlie hat
3. anything lacy
4. anything pink
5. a hospital gown
5 Biggest Joys at the Moment
1. My Babies
2. My Friends
3. SUMMER
4. My Music
5. My Job
5 Favorite Toys
1. iPod
sadly regardless of the comments to the contrary that will follow... it's the only toy i have
5 People You Tag
Gage
Meg
Joc
Christy
Brandon
What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was getting ready to leave for a Vacation in Maine that resulted in the conception of my beautiful baby girl actually... ok that was a good memory already right out of the box.
5 years ago?
I was 6 months pregnant and grumpy.
1 year ago?
I was alone for the summer...babies were with their dad for eight weeks and between trips to Texas
Yesterday?
Went for lunch with a good friend and her two boys ~ it was good for all involved yet sad...
5 Snacks you enjoy?
1. Oranges
2. Strawberries
3. Grapes
4. Chips and Salsa
5. Pretzels
5 Songs You Know All the Word To
(i think 5 i don't know all the words to would be easier to come up with)
1. Little Bit Crazy ~ Bleu Edmondson
2. Calling You - Blue October
3. Carry On ~ Pat Green
4. Downtown ~ Stoney Larue
5. A Better Place to Be ~ Harry Chapin
5 Things You Would Do With 100 Million $
1. Move to Texas
2. Set up three college funds
3. Pay off my truck
4. Send anonymous money orders to ones i adore that I know wouldn't take a dime
5. Buy a GOOD tanning bed
5 Locations You Would Run Away To
1. Austin
2. Sherman
3. Boston
4. Houston
5. Switzerland
5 Things I Like Doing
1. Seeing Live Music
2. Driving in my truck
3. Walking on the beach
4. Playing with my friends
5. Making people smile
5 Things I Will Never Wear
1. a belly shirt
2. any kind of girlie hat
3. anything lacy
4. anything pink
5. a hospital gown
5 Biggest Joys at the Moment
1. My Babies
2. My Friends
3. SUMMER
4. My Music
5. My Job
5 Favorite Toys
1. iPod
sadly regardless of the comments to the contrary that will follow... it's the only toy i have
5 People You Tag
Gage
Meg
Joc
Christy
Brandon
Thursday, July 14, 2005
'i gotta run...'
...i gotta be free
don't hold me down, no baby....
too much pain, too much hate
not enough fire
now it's way too late' ~ Pat Green
over and over in my head... the last two days, those parts of that song
don't hold me down, no baby....
too much pain, too much hate
not enough fire
now it's way too late' ~ Pat Green
over and over in my head... the last two days, those parts of that song
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
'mama i want to do...'
'... the wind in my hair with the leaf blower... ' Jake
sorry... had to 'cause that is just freakin' HILARIOUS
sorry... had to 'cause that is just freakin' HILARIOUS
they should make...
a reality show about the restaurant that i work in... but the hidden camera kind 'cause everyone would clean up their act if they knew a camera was on them i'm convinced... this is also WHY reality tv doesn't work ~ everyone KNOWS they are on camera... so none of it's real ~ DUH ~ anyway last night's episode would have gotten the Dr. Phil Dysfunctional Entertainment Award of the Decade i promise...
i've known this now for awhile but i just get amazed each and everyday ~ i am truly blessed with the most amazing circle of friends ~ granted it's a LARGE circle... not in number of people but in diameter of miles... which makes most days heartbreaking 'cause i want those friends in my everyday life, but for this summer i am fortunate to be closer to one and just blessed by her love and thoughtfulness... and another who i hope won't mind me saying this here ~ was in just not a great place when i first met her last year ~ is now happier than i think she even thought she would ever be... has truly found her soul mate and love of her life and about to start that forever life which i even believe for them (which doesn't happen often for me)
i believe in soulmates ~ i have found mine even no question ~ i believe in love ~ i have real, true, unconditional love in my life everyday ~ but do i believe that for me there is a forever love with one person ~ nope... i really don't think i'm built that way and i'm ok with that ~ it's not that i'm wanting to whore around for the next 60 years or however many more i'm blessed with that's not it at all... today's lyrics... this is where i am at... this is what best describes me...
'you don’t want me
try the real dancers
i’m busy right now
searching for answers'
Postcard from Paris ~ Dub Miller
i've known this now for awhile but i just get amazed each and everyday ~ i am truly blessed with the most amazing circle of friends ~ granted it's a LARGE circle... not in number of people but in diameter of miles... which makes most days heartbreaking 'cause i want those friends in my everyday life, but for this summer i am fortunate to be closer to one and just blessed by her love and thoughtfulness... and another who i hope won't mind me saying this here ~ was in just not a great place when i first met her last year ~ is now happier than i think she even thought she would ever be... has truly found her soul mate and love of her life and about to start that forever life which i even believe for them (which doesn't happen often for me)
i believe in soulmates ~ i have found mine even no question ~ i believe in love ~ i have real, true, unconditional love in my life everyday ~ but do i believe that for me there is a forever love with one person ~ nope... i really don't think i'm built that way and i'm ok with that ~ it's not that i'm wanting to whore around for the next 60 years or however many more i'm blessed with that's not it at all... today's lyrics... this is where i am at... this is what best describes me...
'you don’t want me
try the real dancers
i’m busy right now
searching for answers'
Postcard from Paris ~ Dub Miller
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
crazy freakin' dreams...
i DON'T enjoy them ~ i rarely remember my dreams which is a good thing cause in my head i have to figure them out so... ugh last night's was insane ~ or this morning's actually 'cause i do in fact know the time period of sleep that it happened in and while someone is not thrilled they fell on their face... i am thrilled to have been awakened out of that madness... what do you think ~ are dreams random or are they fears realized? ~ probably a combination of both i don't know...
my favorite 'dream song' ~ and I remember when this was released i could NOT hear it enough...
'hush now don’t cry
wipe away the teardrop from your eye
you’re lying safe in bed
it was all a bad dream
spinning in your head
your mind tricked you to feel the pain
of someone close to you leaving the game of life
so here it is, another chance
wide awake you face the day
your dream is over...or has it just begun? '
Silent Lucidity ~ Queensryche
my favorite 'dream song' ~ and I remember when this was released i could NOT hear it enough...
'hush now don’t cry
wipe away the teardrop from your eye
you’re lying safe in bed
it was all a bad dream
spinning in your head
your mind tricked you to feel the pain
of someone close to you leaving the game of life
so here it is, another chance
wide awake you face the day
your dream is over...or has it just begun? '
Silent Lucidity ~ Queensryche
Monday, July 11, 2005
again...
the little things ~ mean THE most! PERIOD...
THANK YOU for watching... Thank You for liking it... I know it was tough... 'cause I've been a brat about it ~ but truly made my year ~ 'Everything's gonna be okay... chugga chugga'
YOU HAVE NO IDEA what that quote did for me ~ especially 'cause I could just tell from the tone that you liked it too...
so after a day of disappointment after disappointment... once again you brought me back to right
and after hearing a song that I can NOT stand too many times over the past two days...
Randy Roger's cover of 'Come Pick Me Up' ~ was just what I needed and the Music God's saw fit to let me hear it in the randomness of my iPod
'when you’re walking downtown
do you wish I was there?
do you wish it was me?
with the windows clear and the mannequins eyes
do they all look like mine?
you know you could
I wish you would... come pick me up...'
THANK YOU for watching... Thank You for liking it... I know it was tough... 'cause I've been a brat about it ~ but truly made my year ~ 'Everything's gonna be okay... chugga chugga'
YOU HAVE NO IDEA what that quote did for me ~ especially 'cause I could just tell from the tone that you liked it too...
so after a day of disappointment after disappointment... once again you brought me back to right
and after hearing a song that I can NOT stand too many times over the past two days...
Randy Roger's cover of 'Come Pick Me Up' ~ was just what I needed and the Music God's saw fit to let me hear it in the randomness of my iPod
'when you’re walking downtown
do you wish I was there?
do you wish it was me?
with the windows clear and the mannequins eyes
do they all look like mine?
you know you could
I wish you would... come pick me up...'
Sunday, July 10, 2005
i'd go to wrigley field...
if you asked ~ 'cause i get it's what you love and because i do in fact love you both very much and want to be apart of what you love... do i want to go to wrigley field ~ NO not at all, however that is not the point
i guess i just want to be understood by you ~ its the basic relationship that all the rest are built on and it's why i walk this world feeling as i like to put it much like 'a Palestinian without a home' ~ so when i am excited... and say 'I would love for you two to go to The Stone Pony to see Pat with me.' it's not because i so much think it's something you would choose to do except to take the time as adult parents and child together... so that you can see me and my passion during what i consider to be a pinnacle moment
AND does anything cut me deeper or hurt more than you saying... 'I don't want to do that... I don't care anything about ponies or chickens or rock pigs for that matter.' WELL i don't care about fields or diamonds or chewing gum either... but i know how much YOU do and that is why I'd go for you...
i guess i just want to be understood by you ~ its the basic relationship that all the rest are built on and it's why i walk this world feeling as i like to put it much like 'a Palestinian without a home' ~ so when i am excited... and say 'I would love for you two to go to The Stone Pony to see Pat with me.' it's not because i so much think it's something you would choose to do except to take the time as adult parents and child together... so that you can see me and my passion during what i consider to be a pinnacle moment
AND does anything cut me deeper or hurt more than you saying... 'I don't want to do that... I don't care anything about ponies or chickens or rock pigs for that matter.' WELL i don't care about fields or diamonds or chewing gum either... but i know how much YOU do and that is why I'd go for you...
Saturday, July 09, 2005
i hide a lot...
in my life ~ both physically and just by keeping my mouth shut a lot and not saying what i really feel.... mostly just 'cause the people that should be listening wouldn't hear it anyway so i choose to keep that energy for a fight that is more worthy
however for some reason... i recently decided to not hide and to make known how i felt about a situation ~ in all honesty i was in fact disappointed with the initial reaction... but see that is another thing about my life ~ no one that i truly care about lives within 1500 miles of me... so it's not always easy to know what is going on with everyone no matter how many phone calls or emails or im time... nothing is like true face time
well i talked to my friend for the first time in weeks yesterday and i'm not at all disappointed in a thing ~ turns out their life went crazy for a bit and while i get slightly saddened that i wasn't able to hold a hand through it... i could hear the genuine relief in happiness in our conversation ~ the weight of the world has lifted a bit probably for the first time since we've known each other even
so this just reinforces my 'no regrets' policy ~ sometimes it just takes a little longer to see the lesson and understand why some things work the way that they do... i'm in this life for the long haul as much as i enjoy and crave instant gratification i have learned that the best rewards do in fact come over time and are savored with patience...
Held On True ~ O.A.R..... someone has ALWAYS said it better than me
'i said but lately i've been feeling mighty old
i said the sun has got me cracked
this wind has got me cold
and i'm so damn tired of losing my friends
every single time i go and lose my ends
i say but that's ok, i'm on my way
i don't appear here but maybe i'll end up that way
and in awhile when i realize there's something new
but until then i gotta hold on true
hold on true ah, hold on true, hold on true
i'd love to hold on to you...'
so from my favorite boys from Maryland for my favorite Maryland friend today... this was all for you
however for some reason... i recently decided to not hide and to make known how i felt about a situation ~ in all honesty i was in fact disappointed with the initial reaction... but see that is another thing about my life ~ no one that i truly care about lives within 1500 miles of me... so it's not always easy to know what is going on with everyone no matter how many phone calls or emails or im time... nothing is like true face time
well i talked to my friend for the first time in weeks yesterday and i'm not at all disappointed in a thing ~ turns out their life went crazy for a bit and while i get slightly saddened that i wasn't able to hold a hand through it... i could hear the genuine relief in happiness in our conversation ~ the weight of the world has lifted a bit probably for the first time since we've known each other even
so this just reinforces my 'no regrets' policy ~ sometimes it just takes a little longer to see the lesson and understand why some things work the way that they do... i'm in this life for the long haul as much as i enjoy and crave instant gratification i have learned that the best rewards do in fact come over time and are savored with patience...
Held On True ~ O.A.R..... someone has ALWAYS said it better than me
'i said but lately i've been feeling mighty old
i said the sun has got me cracked
this wind has got me cold
and i'm so damn tired of losing my friends
every single time i go and lose my ends
i say but that's ok, i'm on my way
i don't appear here but maybe i'll end up that way
and in awhile when i realize there's something new
but until then i gotta hold on true
hold on true ah, hold on true, hold on true
i'd love to hold on to you...'
so from my favorite boys from Maryland for my favorite Maryland friend today... this was all for you
Friday, July 08, 2005
'thank heaven...
for little boys' ~ umm ok then... the song goes something like that... well i'm just thankful my little boy ~ who thought following the dog into the forrest yesterday was a good idea ~ is climbing all over me and happy and singing and smiling ~ because without question it was the scariest half an hour in my 33 years wondering if i would ever find him in this crazy forest
two girls were raised in this house... they never thought about it ~ his sister never thought about it... what is it about boys that makes it so appealing to go off into the 'forest' as he keeps referring to it ~ oh this is the same boy that is terrified of all the crazy bugs that fly around all over these parts ~ he runs yelling from them as if he is being chased by an axe murderer yet the woods doesn't seem as threatening... WHATEVER DUDE... just don't do it again! insert every yelling nasty ranting smiley ever made on a computer site here!!!!!
Beautiful Boy ~ John Lennon
'...out on the ocean sailing away
i can hardly wait to see you come of age
but I guess we’ll both just have to be patient
’cause it’s a long way to go
a hard row to hoe
yes it’s a long way to go
but in the meantime
before you cross the street
take my hand
life is what happens to you
while you’re busy making other plans
beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
beautiful boy
beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
beautiful boy...'
two girls were raised in this house... they never thought about it ~ his sister never thought about it... what is it about boys that makes it so appealing to go off into the 'forest' as he keeps referring to it ~ oh this is the same boy that is terrified of all the crazy bugs that fly around all over these parts ~ he runs yelling from them as if he is being chased by an axe murderer yet the woods doesn't seem as threatening... WHATEVER DUDE... just don't do it again! insert every yelling nasty ranting smiley ever made on a computer site here!!!!!
Beautiful Boy ~ John Lennon
'...out on the ocean sailing away
i can hardly wait to see you come of age
but I guess we’ll both just have to be patient
’cause it’s a long way to go
a hard row to hoe
yes it’s a long way to go
but in the meantime
before you cross the street
take my hand
life is what happens to you
while you’re busy making other plans
beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
beautiful boy
beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
beautiful boy...'
Thursday, July 07, 2005
please not again...
i know i have no control over crazy people and comparatively 7/7 is not 9/11 but seriously... any bombings are just NOT ok with me ~ and warnings about being careful if you are taking mass transit today ~ i'm sure i'm overreacting... but i was emotionally crippled after the devastation of 9/11 for those that didn't know me during that time... it was a year before i stopped crying ~ literally everyday for a year and i cried for everyone... one day for the ones that were lost... the next for the fireman and rescue workers... the next for the survivors... a few even for those that caused it as i wish i could go to them on the day when they decided this was their life's calling and show them a better way.... now i just want everyone to be able to move forward and live together on this big earth that has been entrusted to us now to care for... and leave for others i'm terrified everyday that we are gonna screw that up
k... no more preachy... well except for ~
'...the most i can do while i'm here is not a thing leave it as i found...
so we're leaving friends of mine, brothers and sisters
hoping that in times of trouble
and that we can learn a bit more
but lately, I swear, nightmare dreams
are welling in me
and this ship is troubled
all because this ship we're on is sinking' ~ two different live intros from Dave Matthews ~
k... no more preachy... well except for ~
'...the most i can do while i'm here is not a thing leave it as i found...
so we're leaving friends of mine, brothers and sisters
hoping that in times of trouble
and that we can learn a bit more
but lately, I swear, nightmare dreams
are welling in me
and this ship is troubled
all because this ship we're on is sinking' ~ two different live intros from Dave Matthews ~
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
a good tired...
that's how i feel today... when i quit my job last October i was a bad tired ~ so spent that i couldn't put two thoughts together that i trusted... i doubted every thing i was doing... every decision got overthought, i found myself tripping over the air in the room more often than not
but today i feel clear headed... i worked hard the last four days but at the end of it last night the owner said 'Ok... i'm leaving Saturday for the week and you are in charge.' She was kidding but i understood and appreciated the sentiment behind it... i had worked very hard for her, in a position that i had only been trained for three days in before being 'thrown to the wolves' and i came out ahead and still smiling
for many years i had worked like that and then somehow a sort of cancer invaded my work ethic and i began to doubt that i knew how to do anything at all... so while i will never go back to my job defining who i am ~ the good thing to come out of all of this is that i have spent a great amount of time on myself and finding out that i can dream for myself and set goals for myself and that it is important to not give all of 'me' away to everyone else ~ it does feel good to really work again and feel like i've accomplished something that is appreciated...
and i'm gonna leave it there ~ 'cause for once i think that is a better thought than a lyric for those that may stumble here and read my ramblings...
but today i feel clear headed... i worked hard the last four days but at the end of it last night the owner said 'Ok... i'm leaving Saturday for the week and you are in charge.' She was kidding but i understood and appreciated the sentiment behind it... i had worked very hard for her, in a position that i had only been trained for three days in before being 'thrown to the wolves' and i came out ahead and still smiling
for many years i had worked like that and then somehow a sort of cancer invaded my work ethic and i began to doubt that i knew how to do anything at all... so while i will never go back to my job defining who i am ~ the good thing to come out of all of this is that i have spent a great amount of time on myself and finding out that i can dream for myself and set goals for myself and that it is important to not give all of 'me' away to everyone else ~ it does feel good to really work again and feel like i've accomplished something that is appreciated...
and i'm gonna leave it there ~ 'cause for once i think that is a better thought than a lyric for those that may stumble here and read my ramblings...
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
One of the things…
I pride myself in is that I don’t share other people’s stories ~ I will admit I’ve slipped up in that area once that I can think of in a way that was slightly hurtful but all involved ‘got out ok’ and apologies were made and accepted and the friendship endured…
I am trusted by a lot of my friends to keep confidences and I think that they trust me because I have proven that I don’t tell their stories, I let them do that and I will choose to share mine ~ this has worked really well for me and I know it’s appreciated ~ so a recent situation has been weighing too heavily on my mind and heart so I’m putting it here and hoping that I will be able to resolve it.
The whole point was to NOT betray anyone ~ information was made known to me… I shared it with someone that I was concerned would think I had betrayed them which would have translated to others that I would never EVER betray that maybe I couldn’t be trusted and that was not acceptable… I only gave enough information to fix a potential problem ~ the whole thing made me very uncomfortable and I have made that known to everyone…
Does that make sense as you are reading it… I know I have not explained it well in conversation ~ I would not… have not… will NOT ever betray you ~ it’s not who I am or what I do… especially not with you ok ~ good can we be done with it now?
ok... definetly forgot an important addition to my iPod...
Shower the People... James Taylor
'You can play the game and you can act out the part,
even though you know it wasn't written for you.
Tell me, how can you stand there with your broken heart ashamed of playing the fool?
One thing can lead to another; it doesn't take any sacrifice.
Oh, father and mother, sister and brother, if it feels nice, don't think twice,
just shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will do as I say, just
shower the people you love with love, show them the way you feel.
Things are gonna be much better if you only will.'
I am trusted by a lot of my friends to keep confidences and I think that they trust me because I have proven that I don’t tell their stories, I let them do that and I will choose to share mine ~ this has worked really well for me and I know it’s appreciated ~ so a recent situation has been weighing too heavily on my mind and heart so I’m putting it here and hoping that I will be able to resolve it.
The whole point was to NOT betray anyone ~ information was made known to me… I shared it with someone that I was concerned would think I had betrayed them which would have translated to others that I would never EVER betray that maybe I couldn’t be trusted and that was not acceptable… I only gave enough information to fix a potential problem ~ the whole thing made me very uncomfortable and I have made that known to everyone…
Does that make sense as you are reading it… I know I have not explained it well in conversation ~ I would not… have not… will NOT ever betray you ~ it’s not who I am or what I do… especially not with you ok ~ good can we be done with it now?
ok... definetly forgot an important addition to my iPod...
Shower the People... James Taylor
'You can play the game and you can act out the part,
even though you know it wasn't written for you.
Tell me, how can you stand there with your broken heart ashamed of playing the fool?
One thing can lead to another; it doesn't take any sacrifice.
Oh, father and mother, sister and brother, if it feels nice, don't think twice,
just shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will do as I say, just
shower the people you love with love, show them the way you feel.
Things are gonna be much better if you only will.'
Sunday, July 03, 2005
not one thing about me is cultured...
sorry can't even fake it ~ just have a beer and get over yourself... i have NO clue which vodka is potatoe based... huh? much too tired to go on with anything more ~ i enjoy most of the patrons... haven't tried a dang thing on the menu and not because anything in the prep stages has said 'ummm don't eat here' to me ~ just NOT hungry when it's time to eat... the bar situation IS in fact what will bring me down if something does ~ way too many vodkas and too many choices on what to do with it... the drink order takes the longest to enter into the dang computer ~ but for the most part i did well my first holiday weekend as a waitperson/bartender... look the owner still wants me back and the dining room manager decided to 'tip me out' for training which i have been told he never does ~ so i must not suck at this
ok... hope none of your fireworks were duds ~ Peace Love and Stoney...
Happy Independence Weekend ~ my fave patriotic verse...
This Land is Your Land ~ Woody Guthrie
'as I was walkin' - I saw a sign there
and that sign said - no tres passin'
but on the other side .... it didn't say nothin
now that side was made for you and me...
this land is your land
this land is my land
from California to the New York highlands
from the redwood forest to the gulfstream waters
this land was made for you and me...'
ok... hope none of your fireworks were duds ~ Peace Love and Stoney...
Happy Independence Weekend ~ my fave patriotic verse...
This Land is Your Land ~ Woody Guthrie
'as I was walkin' - I saw a sign there
and that sign said - no tres passin'
but on the other side .... it didn't say nothin
now that side was made for you and me...
this land is your land
this land is my land
from California to the New York highlands
from the redwood forest to the gulfstream waters
this land was made for you and me...'
Friday, July 01, 2005
'cause you keep...
keep bringing it up ~ so now i'm flooded with memories and need to put them somewhere so here you go ~ and BLAH on your i told you so stuff later... u love it an u know it!
my reaction when they said...we had to wait for you ~ not a good one I'll admit it... i've told you before i was scared of you ~ well the way you were posting and all back then ~ i was looking for a happy, funfilled weekend and from what i had read that was just not at all in your life at that time well that changed in about five seconds ~ i don't think i even believed you were the same person ~ and i called you on it after we had that awkward moment of mexicans with no pants... i don't think you knew what to do standing there with me... although after the intial awkward moment we laughed so freakin' hard everyone else thought we were insane... i told you that night that if you ever tried to pull that sad crap ever again i was gonna do all i could to remind you how much fun life can be I have been successful in that area if NONE other ~ YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THAT
without a doubt you have been the biggest surprise ever in my life and it was a year ago that you walked in that door ~ oh yeah and left 'we all KNOW why you are leaving'... i've never laughed at a meal as hard as we did at Hill's and sorry a year later watched the video AGAIN this morning even ~ it does in fact suk we will be 85 debating that fact i can see it now, actually you know when i saw it was at the Clubhouse show when you sat in your plate of food and i was wiping it up... totally had a flashforward moment... we were on an old farmhouse front porch a bunch of family and friends around us and we were still taking care of each other in the elderly state that we were in best of friends forever to the end that's what we have promised and i believe it ~ you held my hand my friend through the darkest hours before an even darker dawn, you helped me see the error of my actions and even stood up for me when I couldn't any more
and as far as the rest of that weekend... and the friends... the circles (and circular objects that were discussed at RRIH ;) ) and the queso and the dream come true 'tacos & beer' ~ chubbies... to tears through Wave on Wave and the best fireworks to Stevie Ray and Ray Charles... Jack signatures on bandana's... Bud guyin' knowing I was the GW girl from CA my face on that one was classic i'm sure... Austin Koozies... press spots on TV....
i couldn't have painted or scripted it better and i still reap the rewards of it all each and everyday... thank you all for taking this quirky yankee into your lives and your hearts
and for my love... 'cause you are
'By the way... by your side i'll stay... if that's ok... then by your side i'll stay FOREVER...'
Clumsy Card House... Blue October
my reaction when they said...we had to wait for you ~ not a good one I'll admit it... i've told you before i was scared of you ~ well the way you were posting and all back then ~ i was looking for a happy, funfilled weekend and from what i had read that was just not at all in your life at that time well that changed in about five seconds ~ i don't think i even believed you were the same person ~ and i called you on it after we had that awkward moment of mexicans with no pants... i don't think you knew what to do standing there with me... although after the intial awkward moment we laughed so freakin' hard everyone else thought we were insane... i told you that night that if you ever tried to pull that sad crap ever again i was gonna do all i could to remind you how much fun life can be I have been successful in that area if NONE other ~ YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THAT
without a doubt you have been the biggest surprise ever in my life and it was a year ago that you walked in that door ~ oh yeah and left 'we all KNOW why you are leaving'... i've never laughed at a meal as hard as we did at Hill's and sorry a year later watched the video AGAIN this morning even ~ it does in fact suk we will be 85 debating that fact i can see it now, actually you know when i saw it was at the Clubhouse show when you sat in your plate of food and i was wiping it up... totally had a flashforward moment... we were on an old farmhouse front porch a bunch of family and friends around us and we were still taking care of each other in the elderly state that we were in best of friends forever to the end that's what we have promised and i believe it ~ you held my hand my friend through the darkest hours before an even darker dawn, you helped me see the error of my actions and even stood up for me when I couldn't any more
and as far as the rest of that weekend... and the friends... the circles (and circular objects that were discussed at RRIH ;) ) and the queso and the dream come true 'tacos & beer' ~ chubbies... to tears through Wave on Wave and the best fireworks to Stevie Ray and Ray Charles... Jack signatures on bandana's... Bud guyin' knowing I was the GW girl from CA my face on that one was classic i'm sure... Austin Koozies... press spots on TV....
i couldn't have painted or scripted it better and i still reap the rewards of it all each and everyday... thank you all for taking this quirky yankee into your lives and your hearts
and for my love... 'cause you are
'By the way... by your side i'll stay... if that's ok... then by your side i'll stay FOREVER...'
Clumsy Card House... Blue October
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