To be inside my head...

would truly terrify most people that I know. Thank the Lord that I have the ability to filter my thoughts from most of the world and only let out the parts that make me look like I'm not in fact 'miles from sane'.

I spent last weekend with those that keep me sane. They are the ones that have held me together during the hardest period of time in my life. I know they know ~ without words exchanged about the importance that they hold in my life.

Yet for me that's not enough and the quandry is that there are no words. Not the right ones, not the ones that feel like they truly encompass the gratitude, the importance and the love that I feel for them. So that means I usually end up trying too hard and looking needy ~ which I am but not at the same time. Just know if I came across that way, it's not because I don't believe in you..... I truly do, but it's because I doubt everything and second guess... and third and fourth even... everything. Yes I do in fact think too much. If I let you see this about me it because I do trust that you are with me forever no matter what....

my lyrics for you all... the whole song 'cause you can't break it up and it's all there...

Quiet Mind ~ Blue October....

A slow strangle with my feet on the floor
I've got 14 angels and we're sleeping alone
in the back of a cave where the rest of us go to feel normal

I call baby up leave me alone
I'm in pain but I won't let you band aid the wound
I'm mad at a stage where I can't even handle my own

Give me a quiet mind and I, I love you
You give me a quiet mind and I, I'll love you
Until the end

Give me strength to be kind
to combine all the good things in life
that were so hard to find but I have
and I won't let them go like I do with my friends

still hearing voices from front, from behind
they're the reason I choose when to live, how to die
when to cast, when to reel
when to buy, when to steal
and when to fiend for the friends
that taught me being inappropriate will...

Give me a quiet mind and I, I love you
you give me a quiet mind and I, I'll love you
until the end...

thank you for that...