my favorite smiles...

stealing Renee's idea ~ no sense in trying to improve on a good one!

my Jordan....



my Jake...


Gage and Meg...


Joc and Me...


Brandon and Meg...


My Meg and Me...


My Gage and Me...


*sigh* just love those... and the memories are all still very clear ~ someday not far from now they won't be....

Photograph by Charlie Robison


Though you won't remember it still makes me laugh
When you see us together in a photograph

I am truly loved...

to the point that my heart is so swollen that it hurts... my wish today is that every sad and lonely person could feel even a small fraction of what I receive in abundance from so many there would then be no more sad and lonely.

my song for all of you that made me feel so much...

Wrapped by Walt Wilkins

Summer gold and winter blue
wherever I am... whatever I do
I'm wrapped in you

Today you didn't have to ask...

and it was cheek busting even...

my lyrics for today... Soulshine by the Allman Brothers 'cause mine is about to be REALLY bright...

Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.

Going back to ignoring...

it all together 'cause yeah it's just a bad idea. HOWEVER... my aha moment ~ I realized that I'm in a better place than I was 8 months ago when none of this would have matter'd.

And I found out I can in fact slow my own world from spinning out of control ~ that's a good gift...

So three more wake ups 'til friends... fun... and carni-food

Birthday ~ The Beatles...

You say it’s your birthday
It’s my birthday too – yeah

nuff said

the measure of a woman's strength...

is found on the otherside of I'm not strong enough...

that is for my pink lady today...

18 Wheeler ~ Pink

Hey hey girl, are you ready for today
you got your shield and your sword
'cause it's time to play the games
you are beautiful
even though your not for sure
don't let 'em pull you by the skirt
gonna get your feeling hurt....

'and I've been out there searching...

for a place where I belong and on my way I heard my song ~ let it sing me home...' ~ have no idea who Wayne Kirkpatrick and Gordon Kennedy are but they got that right, and Tim does it justice in my opinion.

What a freakin' week ~ but at the end of it all, I feel like I took something back that I was sharing with too many. I was also reminded that this is IN FACT my world, I'm not just visiting someone elses. I have spent so much time on the backburner for so many others. Well I don't want that anymore. So, if you want to walk with me lines are forming to the right and the left... boys on one side girls on the other... if you are holding Jake or Jordan's other hand please handle with care ~ HERE WE GO

Sing Me Home ~ Tim Mcgraw

the sun on my shoulders
and the wind at my back
I'm bound and determined
to get back on track....

III....

it lived up too the hype... surpassed it even. Talk about full circle, I got to share it with my daughter ~ very VERY cool!

and they may be my new favorite band... well for today they are anyway...

Blue and Grey by SouthFM ~

but everyday I try
to remember I'm alive
though parts of me maybe dead
I've lived all this life...

Dug a hole...

on that hill previously mentioned... poured a foundation... building a house... moving in....

and because I have many and it just works right now... my lyrics today...

Texas Angel by Honeybrowne

Wont you smile for me my Texas angel?
It'll be all right.
You just lay your head beside me, baby just hold me tight.
And I promise I'll watch over you till the morning light...

to my Texas Angels that helped me through today... y'all ROK

Not sure...

if I miss him or the way I felt about music when he was it for me. Either way it was really REALLY good to see that smile and those eyes again.

so in his honor from a group we both love... i'm sure it's not what was intended when written... but it works... my lyrics today ~ Hard Luck Woman by KISS

If never I met you
I'd never have seen you cry
If not for our first "Hello"
We'd never have to say goodbye
If never I held you
My feelin's would never show

Sometimes what I need to say...

has already been said perfectly by others...

Time for Me to Fly ~ REO Speedwagon

I’ve been around for you
I’ve been up and down for you
But I just can’t get any relief
I’ve swallowed my pride for you
I’ve lived and lied for you
But you still make me feel like a thief

You got me stealin’ your love away
’cause you never give it
Peeling the years away
And we can’t relive it
I make you laugh
And you make me cry
I believe it’s time for me to fly

Another learning experience...

I don't ever want to become so desensitized that the sound of gunshots doesn't terrify me... and along those lines what goes up must come down ~ i'm just saying

I am blessed to have friends that will stay on the line with me all night to talk me out of that terror

Apparently I'm really really attractive to the over 70 crowd

It really doesn't matter on the phone or in person I freeze so seriously just don't put them on the phone

I can't dance BUT if I'm with the right people it doesn't matter

Text messages and alcohol don't mix

If you go to hell with a friend... the road back bonds you for life no question

My lyrics today are for that friend thanks for playing this weekend I needed it ~ Brown Eye'd Girl ~ Van Morrison

Standing in the sunlight laughing,
Hiding behind a rainbow's wall,
Slipping and sliding
All along the water fall, with you
My brown eyed girl,
You my brown eyed girl

Proof I'm doing something right...

'I don't much care what other people think mama, I have my own style. I just like what I like'

My nine year old said that to me. And if she can just keep that attitude, she will be just fine forever.

I miss Creed... but Alterbridge is amazing too ~ my lyrics are from Broken Wings

Mend the broken homes
Care for them they are our brothers
Save the fading light in our souls

After too much lemonade...

you have a day that you wake up after having just enough sleep to feel rested but not so much that you feel lethargic, OH and you fell asleep smiling 'cause someone you care about is on the verge of realizing their dream.

You get an unexpected early morning 'hi' from the one that keeps you sane and connected BUT is never up before say 10ish.

Your work assignment is to walk up and down the beautiful coastline... in the warm sunshine with just enough breeze that you don't overheat. Oh and there are Firefighters for your viewing pleasure...fighting mock fires for training.

And to balance it out ~ migrant workers shouting their prayers for a days wage to passing by pickup trucks... Gods Grace today at its best... enough to keep me smiling yet grounded in reality.

and yup just as promised... Ice Cream by Sarah McLachlan

Your love
is better than ice cream.
Better than anything else that I've tried
and your love
is better than ice cream
everyone here knows how to fight

I don't fit in a box...

at all so just stop trying to put me in one.

I do not judge you for buying what they are selling.... in bulk at places like Costco. So please, don't judge me because I prefer the eclectic shop on the corner. I've found that I've grown out of rhinestones and just appreciate pearls.

There was a time when you'd say Garth who? Now it's Stoney who? See one grew out of needing the likes of me while the other still does so I'll help sing his song... and he'll help feed my soul which is always hungry and has a palate that craves variety.

Now with that said I am living in a cookie cutter house... in a cookie cutter world... that applauds and awards uniformity ~ no I don't fit here either ~ but for the first time since I can remember, I am comfortable in my own skin.

Is this the greatest song ever written... hmmm well to someone it is and I happen to love it too so for today ~ Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel

I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart was going boom boom boom
Hey, he said, grab your things, I’ve come to take you home.

Tripped and fell...

into YELLOW! Oh lord how I have missed her... certainly a gone but not forgotten one for me.

I always felt as if she were my missing link, that older sister I had always wanted. We shared so much, a wall of flesh fearful of the pain that letting it go would bring, a compassion for humanity that borders on terrifying to those around us because we truly do care about the forgotten one on the street corner as if they were our closest friend, our passions for all that we love and want to share with the world is similar... her stage is larger than mine and I remember watching and recognizing the frustration in always feeling like you aren't quite getting through.

Reading her archives today made me realize even more that we are similar souls on a quest for that ever elusive peace...

to Ro from Lo with wishes that you find your peace and continue always to speak only your truth... today's lyrics Both Sides Now ~ Joni Mitchell


Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way

The exception to the rule...

I made a few rules for myself when I started this blog... and one was that I was going to chose a different artist to post lyrics from everyday.

Well today, I'm posting the exception because I think that this song is needed by well EVERYONE, but in particular by a friend who reads my blog and needs all I can give...

In my opinion Walt Wilkins is an artistic genius... I had heard this live via cell... and am very happy that I have now been able to hear the whole thing in its entirety. Walt has truly taken the low out of lonely with this...

Angel's Share by Walt Wilkins ~

When you walk between the barrels
That sweet smell is everywhere
The oak is soaking up the whiskey
But there’s just so much that old wood can bare
You can almost taste it
The way it’s hanging in the air
But it ain’t being wasted
It’s going somewhere

It’s headed straight to heaven
That’s the angel’s share

Oh mercy, think of all the things they see
Why wouldn’t they need a shot or two?
Just like you and me

Cause’ they’ve seen your heart get broken
At least a thousand times
They’ve felt the sting of every tear
Even those tears you couldn’t cry
So when you keep ‘em to yourself
Cause’ you think nobody cares
Your pain ain’t being wasted
It’s going somewhere

Yea it’s headed straight for heaven
And that’s the angel share

Oh mercy, think of all the things they’ve seen
Still they’re not afraid to cry the tears
That we just can’t set free

So when you think nobody’s listening
To your silent midnight prayers
Well not one is being wasted
No, they’re going somewhere

They’re headed straight to heaven
And that’s the angel share

Oh mercy, think of all the things they’ve seen
They’ve got every right to give up
On the likes of you and me
With all they hope and prayers and pain and whiskey
We send sailing through the air
We must keep ‘em awful busy
With all these crosses that we bare

So God bless them for taking
Yea, God bless them for taking
The angel’s share
That’s the angel’s share…..

Through another's eyes...

'normal' suddenly seems ~ ummm not so much. I am not at all complaining, because what works for one may not always work for another.

I love my 2am phone calls. Either way you look at it, I'm ending the day or starting it with tons of laughter.

Yes, I'm just listening to the show via cell and not really talking to anyone. I love that I am included and that a song triggered a thought of me.

The radio is always up, maybe just a little too loud. Absolutely I'll dance with you son. Yes Jordan, all good music is 'Green' ~ Pat Green or Green Day.

It is hard, but the one guarantee in life is that it is in fact difficult. It's all in your prospective. Mine is not perfect but it's unique, fun, energetic, loud and full of love... I'm okay with all of that.

so my lyrics today are for the one's that make everyday a Happy Mother's Day ~ and because I try everyday to make sure that I'm showing them...

That 'they' can take this life
and hold it by the hand
and 'they' can greet the world
with arms wide open....

With Arms Wide Open ~ by Creed

From 16 to 33...

in a blink of an eye I swear... The friend I have had through that entire time is on her way to spend the weekend with me. Between us we have four kids and we are all going to play hard all weekend!

She made another comment the other night asking me when I was going to 'feel' 33 'cause she does. Her wish for me is that I find a place to feel settled ~ I have a tendency to get the itch to move every three years.

I don't know that I will ever feel that way, and I'm not really sure I want to. I mean finding a place to put down my roots and for my babies to grow up that we can call home, I am all for that. But, I don't like the idea of feeling settled at all.
I want to always feel a bit on the edge, ready for a new adventure. I never want my couch to be more comfortable than my truck.

She dedicated Wind Beneath My Wings to me at her wedding ~ so why not and it fit us she was the star of the school play and I was in charge of props...

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name -- for so long,
a beautiful smile to hide the pain.

A few things I learned today...

walking on air is better than tripping over it...

the powers of persuasion are astounding...

skip the tingle ~ its just weird and you've got to wonder what the hell they put in it to get it to do that anyway...

going against your character can strengthen it...

I'm in for one crazy bus ride in three weeks!!!

The lyrics for the day are from The Masterplan by Oasis ~

The answer's in the looking glass
There's four and twenty million doors
Down life's endless corridor

"An enthusiastic devotee"

is the definition of Fan in Webster's Dictionary. My mind was working overtime today. One of the things that plagues me a bit is 'what am I going to be when I grow up' ~ because I just don't really have a clue what my "calling" is. I think that being a fan just might be it.

So, I was talking to my 'forever' friend ~ we have been friends for almost 20 years. We don't see each other all the time but we do our best to keep in touch. She made the comment that "...everyone that you 'touch' wants to be around you as much as they can ~ it has always been that way." Well that was running around in my head all morning along with everything else and all of a sudden it hit me...

I'm really good a being a 'fan' whether it is my favorite artist at the moment... my favorite movie... favorite food... or my favorite people. I think I'm really good at showing that I do truly care about the things that I think are good and positive. If I call you friend, I try really hard to make sure you know how special you are in my life. If I enjoy your music... I share that with as many people as I can all the time. A movie ~ I encourage all to see it... I send books I love to others that I think will too after I've finished them... you get the point.

I'm not going to cure cancer or build a better mousetrap. But I can already see that I do spread smiles and make people happy ~ thats a fine accomplishment and if I can do that for the rest of my life well I will have left this world a better place in the end.

so new favorite song is called Collide by Howie Day and this is my favorite part...

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

"Shake the wall...

you've got to make it bend" ~ the genius of Blue October. The thing is I love that line. I think it's the key to life. People being able to compromise for each other. People willing to not be rigid but to be open minded about all the possibilites that life has to offer.

However, my wall ~ the thought of letting it down, about letting someone 'in' to see me frightens me more than anything. I try but my cynicism steps in and I am reminded of all the pain that has come before and how well protected I am right now. It took a long time to build, it is very strong and I'm very comfortable behind it.

But lately I have been peeking over the top and the promise of what could be definetly intrigues me. The question is do I trust myself enough to take it down?

I was going to use this song for a different reason but it fits for well just about everything today ~ I'm Like a Bird by Nelly Furtado

It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey I'm just scared
That we may fall through

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is...

WOO HOO....

insert SERIOUS Happy Dance here!!! I am going to Texas ~ and I am going to see Stoney... Brandon Jones (maybe that is a bit up in the air on his performance, but regardless... I'll see him)... The Lost Trailers... Randy Rogers... Jack Ingram... Charlie Robison... Jason Boland... and WALT WILKINS *sigh* ~ I'm sure I'm leaving some out. It's gonna be a GREAT WEEKEND!!! I get to have Fuddruckers... maybe milk some cows which I AM excited about.

And it was seriously easy... no babysitter issues... flight was CHEAP... which is the point of my blog today ~ if you gotta work too hard, it's probably not meant to be.

I tell you what, Joc and I bored on a Saturday night. We have THE BEST IDEAS!!!!

ok... my song ~ Texas on My Mind ~ Django Walker

I woke up this morning
Texas on my mind
thinking about my friends there
and the girl I left behind

and not in the 'traditional' way you leave a girl behind... she knows who she is and she knows she wants to come play with us too!!!!

Just over a year ago...

I lost my mind.

Well sort of... just over a year ago I had the worst panic/anxiety attack ever. This resulted in a friend offering to help me through a situation that I was truly terrified to even contemplate. It had a benefit to her as well as she would get to see someone she hadn't seen in a long time. It's a really long story and not a very good one.

Today however, I realized what the impact of situation has been on my life. It's just more proof that sometimes really amazing things can come from just terrible circumstances.

I know without question that everything happens for a reason. It may take years sometimes to understand something, but if you are like me and overthink everything, it will all eventually make sense ~ and if it doesn't you can make it make sense.

I feel better now than I did a year ago. I am no longer medicated. I haven't had an anxiety attack in weeks ~ which is a good thing. I am getting healthy again ~ lost 8 lbs in the last month. I have more good days than bad ones. I have more smiles than tears. I'm getting back on the right track again. Taking a very deep breath and exhaling slowly...


another song I love ~ Sitting on Top of the World ~ The Lost Trailers

Looking out on these back streets that you brought me
all I see has been bought kept for safety
trade the rift of the change for the landing
save the light for the few that's left standing

I tried to tell you... these are the good times
guess we'll find out... down the line

Walkin out used to be so easy
close the door while the light was still fading
but those times seem to fade into memories
and bring us here while those streets are left sleeping

You tried to tell me... these are the good times
guess we'll find out... down the line

It's what we left behind
it's what we find inside
so what is on your mind
now that we're wasted...

sitting on top of the world

ok yeah ~ just LOVE that song *sigh*