it sounds so cliche...

the whole 'they grow up so fast' ~ but good lord something happens when you go from being a child/adult to being a parent... time goes into fast forward instantly... i remember sitting in Advanced Math when i was a senior in high school and an 80 minute class seemed to take days... now hell six years just went by in a blink

and this year i have been highly sensitive to the fact that my baby boy is growing up ~ well the parallel to the year of his birth was pointed out to me today ~ it was a Wednesday that year also after a BIG election Tuesday... it was when George W. was elected the first time

i was scheduled to be induced on the 8th at 8am ~ yes the number thing... but look it up 88 ~ love in Morse Code... so anyway i got up early so i could eat a little something before the 'cut off' time and sat in terror watching the returns... the results would define the kind of world i was bringing this child into... as i was getting in the shower my son's father asked if i was ok... and i replied i'm terrified ~ he was shocked at that because i was two weeks overdue... i was READY... and i replied ~ 'We don't have an official result in the election yet. i just want to know so i can relax about all that.' ~ well yeah maybe only i would worry about such a thing ~ my guess is no... other mother's would have a similar fear

we we go to the hospital ~ Jordan was sure she would stay for the birth... my sister... their dad ~ i was being attached to the iv when i asked my sister if she noticed if Travis and Christie's car was in the lot as she was as overdue as i was... another nurse comes in at that moment to confirm that Christie was in fact in the next room about to deliver ~ that was pretty perfect as Christie was and has continued to be one of my dearest friends

so yeah... time passes... Jordan is bored ~ my grandparents show up... they all decide that the baby is taking too long... they will come back after his arrival is confirmed... my sister sat with me... never left my side... held my hand... changed the tv channel... fixed my blankets... she was there for me

the moment came when it was time to push and i tell her... that her hand isn't strong enough... i'll break it if i squeeze like i need to... please find his dad... she does... and he almost missed it... once... twice... three pushes and my boy is born

the rest is a blur ~ what memory i have is strictly because of what others have told me... he was blue... collapsed lung... weak pulse... no you can't hold him... we have to take him... oh wait... she's losing blood too ~ it was a mess ~ time stood still then... waiting to hear ~ how bad is he... what's wrong... what can we do... my pregnancy was perfect what do you mean he has a hole in his heart ~ are you sure he'll grow out of it

ugh ~ i kept saying i should be ok i've done this before ~ well no two are alike ~ in ANY WAY let me tell you

so here we are six years later ~ he is beautiful ~ he is strong ~ he is healthy ~ somedays he's my pride... others my joy ~ always half of my heart... am i too easy on him... sometimes... do i panic when he is running around with his little friends playing whatever the game of the day is ~ ABSOLUTELY ~ but only on the inside... i just don't want to be that mom that watches in horror as her son collapses because of a heart condition ~ we have all heard that story and i live in fear of it everyday

he has the most perfect smile and his eyes could light an entire country they are so bright... his laugh is perfect and infectious... his wit is matched only by his sister's ~ everyone tells me i should take notes because they both come up with some truly original ideas sometimes

so the tears came today... when i was reading birthday cards trying to pick the right one ~ a lot of love mixed with a little sadness that there is just not enough time... the cupcakes for snack at school tomorrow are in the oven... we will celebrate tomorrow evening with his birthday pal and my dear friends... there will probably be more tears 'cause Christie and i well we laugh AND cry together and that's ok

i'm blessed to have this amazing son... Happy 6th Birthday to my Jake...