11-0

is a B~E~A~utiful thing... HOWEVER... was the field goal truly necessary 'cause had you not gone for that i'd have won $100 and that would not have suk'd at all... lol

oh well football is a glorious thing and i've been a very happy girl so far this season!

oh and my song for today... not at all football related

Toy Store ~ O.A.R

'Hoping to find something better
at least better than what ya thought
so many aisles to venture down
so many choices you thought...'

i know i'm on a movie kick lately...

but finally again there are things worth watching and the lastest is not only no exception BUT the epitome of them all...

'Hi... I'm Johnny Cash' ~ and half an hour or so into I Walk The Line chill bumps and tears... oh my LORD... right for the second time... what a PHENOMEMAL movie

yes my dear Christy you are right... she loved him 'enough'


I Walk the Line ~ Johnny Cash

'As sure as night is dark and day is light
i keep you on my mind both day and night
and happiness i've known proves that it's right
because you're mine, i walk the line'

another thing i just LOVE...

Thanksgiving... may yours be blessed, may you be surrounded by peace, love and warmth...

i couldn't have predicted the events of the last year had i even attempted to last Thanksgiving... however looking back today ~ i think i've come out of it all a bit better than ok and to those that listened to me and held my hand through it all ~ Gage, Jocelyn, Heather, Eric, Brandon, Christy, Renee, Meg... i can NOT express to you enough the love that i have for you all or the strength that you gave me... i am truly blessed to be loved by each of you

i'm not at all sure why but this Folk song has always felt like Thanksgiving to me...

It's In Everyone of Us ~ David Pomerantz (best performed by John Denver and the Muppets)

It's in everyone of us
to be wise
find your heart
open up both your eyes,
we can all know everything
without ever knowing why,
it's in everyone of us
by and by ...

it's in everyone of us
i just remembered
it's like i been sleeping for years,
i'm not awake as i can be
but my seeing is better,
i can see ...
through the tears,
i've been realizing that,
i bought this ticket
and watching only half of the show,
there is scenery and lights
and a cast of thousands,
who all know
what I know,
and it's good
that it's so ..

it's in everyone of us
to be wise
find your heart
open up both your eyes,
we can all know everything
without ever knowing why,
it's in everyone of us
by and by,
it's in everyone of us
by and by..

a few reasons i just love LOTR...

'I was there the day the strength of men failed.' ~ Elrond

'I made a promise, Mr Frodo. A promise. Don't you leave him Samwise Gamgee. And I don't mean to. I don't mean to. ' ~ Sam

'Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.' ~ Galadriel

'The Quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains while the Company is true.' ~ Galadriel

'Come on Sam... Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to... ' ~ Frodo

'I can't do this Sam.' ~ Frodo
'I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.' ~ Sam
'What are we holding on to Sam?' ~ Frodo
'That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo and it's worth fighting for.' ~ Sam

'I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs or tales.' ~ Sam
'What?' ~ Frodo
'I wonder if people will ever say, 'let's hear about Frodo and the Ring.' And they'll say 'yes, that's one of my favorite stories. Frodo was really courageous, wasn't he, Dad?' 'Yes, my boy, the most famousest of hobbits. And that's saying alot.' ~ Sam
' You left out one of the chief characters - Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam. Frodo wouldn't got far without Sam.' ~ Frodo
'Now Mr. Frodo, you shouldn't make fun; I was being serious.' ~ Sam
'So was I.' ~ Frodo
'Samwise the Brave...' ~ Sam

'I bring word from Lord Elrond of Rivendell. An Alliance once existed between Elves and Men. Long ago we fought and died together. We come to honor that allegiance.' ~ Haldir
'Mae govannen, Haldir. You are most welcome.' ~ Aragorn
'We are proud to fight alongside Men once more.' ~ Haldir

'Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers. I see in your eyes the same fear that will take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails. When we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields and when the age of me comes crashing down, but it is not this day. This day we fight. For all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you, stand Men of the West.' ~ Aragorn

'I never thought I'd die side by side with an Elf.' ~ Gimli
'What about side by side with a friend?' ~ Legolas
'Aye. I could do that.' ~ Gimli

'You can't help me anymore.' ~ Frodo
'You can't mean that.' ~ Sam
'Go home.' ~ Frodo

'Don't go where I can't follow.' ~ Sam

'It's me. It's your Sam. Don't you know your Sam?' ~ Sam

'I will not say, "Do not weep," for not all tears are evil.' ~ Gandalf

'No my friends... you bow to no one' ~ Aragorn

'I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee... here, at the end of all things' ~ Frodo



ok i could watch those three movies over and over... for always... we all should be so lucky to have our very own Sam

'Dark and difficult times lie ahead....'

'... Soon we must all face the choice between what is right... and what is easy. ' Albus Dumbledore

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is FANTASTIC and that doesn't even come close to describing it... edge of your seat... holding your breath... amazed... aweinspired...

i keep waiting for them to mess it all up ~ well i'll say this i still believe the Prisoner of Azkaban could have been done a bit better... but i'm not budgeting or storyboarding or any of that... i know nothing about movie making perhaps it wasn't possible i don't know... i doubt it but anyway ~ if you were at all disappointed or concerned that the movies were taking a turn ~ rest assured this one was handled perfectly

the next one ~ i say it every time... not sure how they will be able to do the next one and make it as fabulous... and i love sharing these with my daughter especially now she's almost growing with Harry and with each year as the subject gets darker she also has matured so her appreciation for all the trials this young man faces and overcomes is right on task

what a great way to spend the day...

Someday I want...

to be picked last for the team... and asked first to the prom by someone who wants to go with me ~ sophomore year i was asked to the prom BUT it was only because the girl he wanted to go with had a boyfriend and there was a plot of ditching dates... etc very VERY high school b.s ~ i said yes then when i realized what was going on... cancelled and went to the beach

slightly juvenile analogy but the question of who i was in high school... 'bring your yearbook' has been tossed around at work... UMM NO not gonna do that but in the context of the rest of my life this fits

i have never had a problem fitting in... always been 'one of the guys' and can hold my own on any kind of playing field... i just can't dance

but that doesn't mean i don't want to be asked and i'm even gonna be this particular ~ i want to be the first choice and not a backup plan

People, Places and Things... I Love

i'm borrowing this...

People ~

my Jordan and my Jake... without them i would not truly understand what it means to love

my parents... they don't like me very much but through it all they do love me

heather... my forever friend ~ the fact that any one person has bothered to make sure they know where i am for the last 19 years or so, well that in itself is a blessing and has been a task

my grandparents... i'm a constant source of entertainment for them and they are an education for me... i'm truly blessed

joe, shannon and becca... the three who called me 'mom' first and taught me how to be one to my babies

tina... for sharing her three babies with me and for holding my hand through growing pains

gage... for not ever leaving me alone and always making sure that i'm alright

i have a family of people that i share no blood with... but we have proven to each other that no matter what and through it all... we are solid and i love them very much

Places...

the rock in the back yard

the middle of the hill

in front of the fireplace

the right side of the front window at 1156 Buena Vista

any venue where an artist i adore is playing

Austin

Virginia Beach

in a strong hug

Things...

my truck

guitars

MUSIC

kolaches

cigarettes

fuzzy socks

Football

text messages

Ok... probably not a complete list... but the most important things for sure

Everything is all right...

with the world for now...let's hope this lasts for awhile 'cause i was feeling a bit like someone overturned NYC Landfill on top of me and asked me to sort through it

i love my job... my kids enjoy school, are doing well, are excited for snow and winter... i've made some new friends and we've had some fun... more good times to be had i'm sure

those i love the most are starting to feel like their worlds are finding peace and order as well... so my level of worry and concern is diminishing ~ i don't feel guilty for laughing or smiling anymore...

i don't by any means have it all figured out yet... but i'm comfortable again with the direction and i can feel the footing ~ i'm still loved truly for me... what a blessing that is

thank the Lord for the Talents of Mr. Pat Green and Blue October without which i would have stayed lost and never found my way

Wave On Wave ~ Pat Green

'i wondered out into the water
and i thought that i might drown
i dunno what i was after
i just know i was going down

that's when she found me
i'm not afraid anymore
she said ~ you know I always had you baby,
just waitin for you to find what you were looking for

you came upon me wave on wave,
you're the reason i'm still here
am i the one you were sent to save,
you came upon me wave on wave....'

Independently Happy ~ Blue October

'i wipe the slate clean
i kick the daydream
and remain independently happy...'

'Does he recognize you?'

'Because you chase him all over the country so you would think he probably does'

i don't chase him... however if he is in close proximity to me ~ five hour car ride each way being the outer limits to date ~ then i'm there and happy... you don't have to ask me to smile ~ getting me to stop might be a problem

and last night i was in the Green Glow with my beautiful daughter and my meg ~ dream come true stuff (that's the second dream this year for me to realize... as taking Jordan with Maureen was dream number one ~ when the opportunity to see the man with both my children in Texas with those i love the most... well that just about be the pinnacle of my existence)

and he just has this way of making me believe that through every single trial and tear... i am in fact going to be ok 'cause... "If you live your life up on a shelf you got no one to blame but your own damn self..." and "Who are you to judge me anyway" and "Damn right I sure am happy... this crazy piece of life that i found..."

i introduced a new friend to Pat's music last night and during 'Texas On My Mind' she said to me... 'Ok he makes me want to just pick it all up and move to Texas!'

UH~HUH... see that's what i'm talking about and exactly what i've been saying... all in good time my friends all in good time

Electoral College vs. Popular Vote...

i sat and ate a bowl of cereal and watched the coverage regarding this important but slightly confusing issue... it was important five years ago today as there was some confusion as to who exactly was elected the next President of these United States...

i went and took a shower... while in the shower my ex-husband came in the bathroom and asked how i was feeling ~ my response was i'm sick to my stomach terrifed ~ more so than with Jordan he asked... oh no not about the baby... this election thing is freaking me out... only you would be concerned with that more than being induced to have your son he said

i don't know how true that was but i was more concerned that morning with who would take over the leadership of our nation than i was about bringing my son into this world ~ i knew that no matter what there would just be more love in my life

and so we went to the hospital and at 8am they hooked up the iv and almost 11 hours later my beloved baby boy was placed on my chest for about a second then rushed off to the nursery as he wasn't breathing properly and there was some concern about his heart...

you spend nine months doing everything they tell you ~ you give up your body to this little being... making sure that only good, healthy things go into it... rest all that you can... regular check ups and reassurances that all is progessing as it should and then in less than an instant you are given the worst possible news and you slowly feel your own heart start to break...

fortunately it was just a minor issue that time and oxygen healed... although it's why i am much more careful with him now that i ever was with his sister and why i have nightmares of him passing out on the soccer field or basketball court and leaving me ~ irrational i'm sure but the fear was placed in me that morning

so Happy Birthday to my baby boy ~ i'm blessed to be your mom and to be loved by you

Beautiful Baby Boy ~ Yoko Ono and John Lennon

'out on the ocean, sailing away,
i can hardly wait to see you come of age
but I guess we'll both just have to be patient.
'cause it's a long way to go,
a hard row to hoe,
yes, it's a long way to go but in the meantime.

before you cross the street, take my hand,
life is what happens to you
while you're busy making other plans

beautiful... beautiful... beautiful... beautiful boy'

So day 1...

and the kids came home with me 'cause they missed me after less than 24 hours away from me... maybe that should make me feel good ~ i feel like a failure... i've wanted so much for them to know that their dad loves them and yet they still choose me

he loves them so much in the way that he knows how ~ i wish i knew how to explain that to them so that maybe they could help him out of the dark place that he lives... their light could shine for him and help him heal maybe

i need noise...

and light ~ it can be artificial light but it truly is something i need...

apparently this isn't something that everyone needs... some people prefer quiet and darkness ~ i can't relate to that at all

my kids and i are loud and playful and me asking them to keep the noise down ~ ok obviously there are times when it's not appropriate... we differentiate and that is not at all what i'm referring too ~ anyway our time is supposed to be from 4ish until they get ready for bed to be loud and silly and have fun...

this environment is a bit stifling and i'm starting to feel claustrophobic ~ i can't do anything about it at all but just getting it out ~ well that helps

oh and warmth... yes i enjoy being warm ~ it's going to be a long winter but i've got a really cute jacket and my truck has seat heaters

i'm gonna see Pat in seven wake ups... that will be loud... and he sheds so much light on my life and warms my heart so that doesn't suk at all

he could sing this... that would make me really REALLY happy

You Gotta Know ~ Pat Green

'... you gotta know
there ain't nothing about money
that's ever gonna save your soul
and the dreams of the young
have never been nothing
but the last requests of the old
heaven is a fiddle on a late night radio
you can't find redemption
brother if you got no soul...
you gotta know...'

'...and i'll try to sleep...'

'... to keep you in my dreams so i can bring you home with me ~ and i'll try to sleep and keeping you in my dreams...'

that gets me every single time ~ seriously the most beautiful song in my opinion...

18th Floor Balcony ~ Blue October

'i close my eyes
and i smile knowing that everything's alright
to the core close that door
is this happening...

my breath is on your hair i'm unaware
that you opened the blinds and let the city in
dark... you held my hand
as we stand taking in everything

and i knew it from the start
so my arms are opened wide
and your head is on my stomach
and we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
but here we are on this 18th floor balcony
we're both flying away...

we talked about moms and dads
about family pasts
getting to know where we came from
our hearts were on display
for all to see
i can't believe this is happening to me

i raised my hands as if to show you that i was yours
that i was so yours for the taking
and i'm still so yours for the taking
that's when i felt the wind pick up
i grabbed the rail while choking up
these words to say, and then you kissed me....

yeah i knew it from the start
so my arms are open wide
your head is on my stomach and we're
we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
here we are on this 18th floor balcony

i knew it from the start
my arms are open wide
your head is on my stomach
and we're trying to hard not to fall asleep
on this 18th floor balcony
we're both flying away...

and i'll try to sleep
to keep you in my dreams
so i can bring you home with me ~
and i'll try to sleep and keeping you in my dreams

i knew it from the start
my arms are open wide
your head is on my stomach
we're not going to sleep
here we are ~ on this 18th Floor Balcony

Ryan... make it snow'

*sigh*

'thank you for sharing this heart with us... thank you for sharing this heart with us'

i just love Love LOVE... Blue October right now more than ever even

Because he liked me…

not to get all 'Sally Field' ~ but truly… I’ve always known that those that are legally required to do so… love me ~ however I’m not very well liked or understood by any of them and that’s understandable I’m not like them at all and never have been…

then came this man that asked me very specfically ‘Lori, besides your kids… what are you passionate about?’ and when I told him he listened… he more than listened actually he wanted me to share my passion with him ~ this isn’t sexual just for the record…

anyway ~ I made him a cd… I told him my stories of the shows that I would go to… and again he listened and shared in my enthusiasm and encouraged me to always follow my passions with extreme fervor as life is short and should be lived

he did live ~ truly lived his life and he was taken from us much too soon and I miss him everyday and I want him back because too much was left unsaid, unrepaired, unforgiven, unthanked…

it’s quite possible that in his passing he may again give me the gift to be able to follow my dreams with a clean slate ~ I’ve been told that I should in fact allow this to happen and I’m probably going to… and I only hope that he will always look down and be proud of how I’m living my life…