is an understatement ~ i did something i never thought i would do ~ shut my phone off... i just needed to be alone... well wait... left alone... with my thoughts to try and figure out some crazy shit that's been going on and i needed to not be distracted by other things because this is all so big for me...
so i have figured a damn thing out ~ well i won't have sex with brandon for a million dollars...lol that's more for his benefit than anything else 'cause my view on money frustrates the hell out of him and the fact that he figured that out before even finishing the question was quite hilarious at 2:30 this morning...
i've been told twice in the last 24 hours that there is a saddness in my voice that was never there before... it might be permanent 'cause i've been hurt this time really bad ~ well it's not the worst but i think one of the benefits of a scar is that it's tougher to get through so perhaps it won't hurt as much... something to think about anyway ~ it still hurts though and worse i feel foolish ~ and again alone... which is really not a good thing for me... i know i'm not... but once again the ones that i need the most are the fartest away... i hate that about my life...
one will be back next week ~ she's at my beach and there is a promise of a shoulder upon her return... and i'm gonna use it if i don't totally break between now and then... so i have to ~ what is it they say '... put on my big girl panties and deal with it...' ~ well so at about 4:30 today i really have to deal with it... and i have no idea how any of this is really going to pan out
here's what i know ~ Pat Green's new album today is where i found my smile... 'To all who listen: Thanks for the chance to have our musi be a part of your lives. I hope it was time well spent. It is a tiny, very distant star that we who make music look at for direction. But it is real to us. Maybe it is just our imagination. You know what, pondering on that little star got me here. What a mess....' ~ that's beautiful
i know my kids are happy and healthy... and will continue to thrive 'cause its the only thing that i am kind of good at these days
i know that i am loved by a select few that will never let me down and never leave me to my crazy head and will continue to keep me sane and help me on my quest for that ever elusive PEACE...
i know that i am just going to keep breathin... keep puttin one foot in front of the other.... find random smiles from random moments and hold onto them for some healing... and in between all that ~ i'm gonna hide again for awhile 'cause it doesn't hurt so much
my song today... 'There's a spot on earth a man can go.. to find himself and free his soul... a place somewhere between heaven and hell... where no one hurts and all is forgiven... a door that leads to light and grace... but the keys are in the darkest place... though it feels like i've been there before... though i don't know what i'm looking for... and i'm trying to find it...' ~ I'm Trying to Find It ~ written by Hambridgel/Steele ~ performed by Pat Green
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i don't think you would walk down the street for a million dollars and if you did it would be to hand it to someone else.
ReplyDeleteyou may have a point
ReplyDeleteKeep strong Lori.. we may not talk everyday, but I do think about you everyday... The moments we shared together will always be memorable in my heart.. from the trueness of your heart to the honesty of your smile... to your passion for music and friends... No one could ask for a more greater caring friend... and with that, Im forever yours... Faithfully
ReplyDeleteD.
I love you, near or far.
ReplyDelete(((((HUGS)))))