'...my mind it kind of goes fast...'

'... i'll try to slow it down for you'

good lord were truer words ever spoken or in this case sung... and that doesn't look right... maybe it's not a word

ok see... ADD in HIGH gear of late and maybe i need to reconsider meds again... 'cause i'm feelin' a bit out of control which for me isn't abnormal but i'm a bit past the limit that i like to let myself be out of control ~ you know there is a line... just enough to be spontaneous... fun... not bored... but not so much that you make a wreck of everything in your path ~ i haven't wrecked anything that i care too much about yet... and i even think some of what has gone bad lately isn't my fault but i guess the control freak in me thinks that maybe i could have done something different

someone asked me if i believe in love the other day... and as i was answering the question i realized that i still don't... i tried for awhile... and thought i could but... truly ~ i know my gram loves me... i know my babies love me... and i know my friends love me... but that love... the for better... for worse... forever... fat and lazy... strong and happy... would carry you when you can't walk... would sing your praises upon a crowd that isn't listening... sees everything beautiful and ugly and doesn't run... that love... i don't know... don't think so... it's the forever part that gets me the most as in our world of bigger... better... faster... prettier... the heart got lost ~ symbolically the heart is perfect... symetrical... two halves... that come together to make a point right...

well the human heart... it's ugly... it looks unfinished... it's fragile... it hurts... it just doesn't fit in our world that's become plastic and fake right down to teeth whitener for crying out loud... i'm not cynical in most aspects of my life... it's creeping in from time to time... but i'm truly a half full glass person... until this subject and then there is no glass

having said all of that... take nothing away from the fact that if i tell you i love you.. i do in fact mean it... because of all your perfect flaws not in spite of them... the people that i am blessed to have in my life... they all have walked through fire with me... not for me or because of me or whatever... but with me... grabbing my hand if i slipped... sometimes i went down too hard or too fast... and they all helped to pick me back up and find my path again... and for me that's ALL i want... so to those that know... well you know...