i wonder if some wounds...

go so deep that they never really heal... and kind of like your funny bone if they are hit just right ~ the excruciating pain overwhelms you all over again ~ or maybe i just thought that four years would be enough time and i've changed so much and grown so much... but i find that old ways of thinkin' aren't so far off and that frightens me because it causes me to withdraw and hide ~ which is just really bad not just for the situation but for me in general

my anxiety has been in high gear for the last four days and it just isn't comfortable and it's unneccessary ~ what will eventually happen is that i will end up pushing away the one person that doesn't want to be pushed away and in my head it's because he is better off and deserves someone who is whole... someone with a lot less baggage ~ if i love him truly shouldn't i want that for him