a few things i believe...

The Secret may just change my life... do you know about this... google it... Law of Attraction..... you get what you believe... positivity brings positivity... i always hoped... and knew that certain things happened to me that just couldn't be coincidental.... no ~ it is the energy i put out... that's coming back... not that i needed a book to define that for me just it's nice to have some validation

2007 may just have the best 'new' music of any year in my life... we got Drew and Jack's new albums today... we get Adam Hood's in May... Bleu is due VERY soon ~ date to be announced... EYB in the fall... and those are just the ones i know about... there will be surprises 'cause there always is for me in music ~ and see this is special 'cause for the first time in a long time i'm looking forward to new like not just new to me but actual NEW albums...

anticipation is fantastic ~ memories are the best however... the feelin' of emptiness that accompanies those two things is sometimes too much to bear

i am finally being the best me i can be... yeah my skin feels pretty good

and i still and forever will believe in '... second star to the right and straight on 'til morning'

and that was just friday!!!

i got to spend my favorite holiday... in my new favorite place in the world... with my favorite people... it was beautiful... the sun was shining the wind was blowing enough to make it comfortable... there were actually fish this time which made the young one smile and squeal... there was long overdue introductions ~ and the young ones didn't embarrass too badly... we had YUMMMY Mexican food... there was a bonfire... and singing... and S'MORES!!!!!

there was only one thing missing... which i guess is why it was perfect 'cause well in all that seems perfect... there is a flaw

oh well there will be other times... more memories... but in case you missed it in the million texts... i missed you

at 2pm i had changed my mind...

i wasn't even gonna go ~ too much stress... work was NUTZ... i was feeling like i was letting down the world... i hadn't even considered another option until it was presented... but it was too late... and it was friday of spring break... i would have needed to arrange a sitter so much earlier than the night before... anyway... i felt so BAD... 'cause i miss him SO much ~ ugh anyway

so 'get off work... get the kids... get your ass up here' ~ PERIOD... there was no wiggle room in that... and so i did

thank the LORD in HEAVEN... and nothing helps clear my mind like a drive.. in my truck... with my music... it's the best for me...

so good news #1... we pull in and immediately my girls are there... but wait 'who's the dude with them' ~ YAYAYAYAYAYA!!!! that was awesome!!! and such a BIG surprise

the place was packed... and hot ~ yeah the sweatshirt was not the best idea i'm sure... but anyway... there comes a point in every night like this one where everything make sense and all is how it should be for me..

so they take the stage... oh my heck... i can't even help it... how much i love this artist... i had thought at one point that i might make the legendary trifecta out of this week... well that wasn't happening... we'll see what the summer brings perhaps when the kids are away... it will be easier for these kinds of things but first ALWAYS first are my babies and it wasn't the right time for that

anway... song after song... i can feel my smile... it's just the best... and there was so many times 'i can't believe he's playin' this' ~ Downtown... Texas Moon... Satisfied... SPIRIT IN THE freakin SKY... everytime i see him i don't think it will ever get any better than the last show... and it always does... just better and better

and have you ever truly watched them on stage.... not the show ~ that's not what i mean... but their faces... 'cause see they are looking out into a mirror and you can TELL they love what they see when the crowd is responding to them doing what they love the most ~ it's BEAUTIFUL one of my favorite things to witness if they are the type of artist that truly recognizes how great it can be... and he truly is ONE of those

then after ~ oh the after... 'come on let's go talk to him' ~ 'no i really don't want or need to do that' ~ 'yes you do... he needs to talk to the ones like you' ~ safe to say i walked away from that exchange... feelin' pretty great ~ and apparently we were the cool kids... 'cause they were all hangin' out with us after ~ i love that!!! and i'm gettin' better at it...

k ~ stoney's face when i told him 'oh no my daughter's name is jordan...' and that laugh that he has... PRICELESS

my friends ~ *sigh* ~ MY FRIENDS... thank you for sharing that with me ~ i truly am BLESSED to know you and to get to spend time with you and well you know...

'Let me tell you... that I love you... one more time...' ~ Oklahoma Breakdown... Stoney rox that song FOR REAL!!!

the thing about motherhood for me...

is that everyday with these amazing people is a blessing ~ i will whine about them... i will speak angrily about choices they make that frustrate me... i will be silent in frustrated contemplation about how do i help them see why things need to be this way... i smile because their wisdom is not jaded or guarded... we sing... we dance... we laugh... we argue... we talk ~ we are solid the three of us

my children saved my life ~ because when it came down to looking at the whole picture and makin' a decision about who i needed to be and the kind of role model i was being... i knew changes had to be made to be someone they could be proud of... someone that would demand their respect... someone they could trust and rely upon... during the hard stuff forever ~ deciding to be that person for them... put me back on the path of being who i truly am and breathed life back into a spirit that was almost gone

so what does all that mean ~ well for me given the fact that we've been extremely lucky in the last eleven years to not have too many trips to the dr for ear infections... no chicken pox... very few bouts of strep or toncillitis... between the two of them... i have more than enough fingers for the non well child dr visits we have had... and i do believe every single time i have had to take them in when they are sick... i hold them on my lap... with tears running down my face... in sheer terror of their mortality starin' at me ~ crazy i get that... and the tears are almost silent so they aren't frightened but it still shakes my core the waiting...

and today i sat with my boy on my lap... and i thought about the joy he brings to my life... and i have a few friends in my life right now that are about to understand that ~ and they are stronger than i have ever thought about being... so i know they will handle the fevers... the coughs... all the yuckies so much better than i do... that's why people get excited because until you have your own... there are just no real words to explain it... so when you know someone you care about is gonna 'get it' ~ the exuberance is OVERWHELMING

anyway... no real point other than... part of that lifesaving they did for me... leaves me at the end of days like today ~ alone with too many feelings... and that's why i have this mostly... for a place to put all that...

friday night...

Fuddrucker's and quite possibly one of the umm yeah not best movies i've ever seen... AND Dolly karoke... which was HILARIOUS and red neck home videos that were pretty freakin' funny all of this with my jocelyn....

saturday... laundry and life...

sunday... a surprise mini anniversary party for my mornin' glory...

i love that i'm living the life i want to LIVE!!!

to have this said...

'hey... she's not my ex anything... she's my future everythin'

k... that right there will keep me going always and forever

and in other news... i have plans with my favorites... my favorite HOLIDAY... my favorite ladies... and my favorite STONEY!!!

so a new thing...

i haven't listened to the radio in well YEARS now... which is not to say there isn't music in my life CONSTANTLY... but i like to choose what i hear... 'cause mostly well they just suk!

well i've been listening to the radio the last oh week or so on my drive to and from work.... and i LOVE it... yeah there is still the junk there always was... like ok this Joe Nichols song this morning... i'll wait for you or something like that i don't remember the exact name... and it's not really junk i suppose but yeah i was in TEARS 'cause well it's just you want to be loved like that... who doesn't and if you say its you ~ your LYIN' ;)

but what i've loved well let's see i believe it was Friday... Radney and Pat sang Texas in 1880 to me... not from my cd no... just randomly on the radio... oh my favorite part of that song and the way we sing it... 'they'll be those nights when Lori comes round... we'll tip our hats and wave to the crowd ' ~ lol yes i'm a DORK... please i know this

and then there has been Carry On ~ yes CARRY ON... and all of this after my little rant.... geesh... k so i'm not mad anymore... if my junebug isn't mad well i sure have no right to be 'cause if you know anything about her well SHE was THE ONE first... PERIOD ~ glad she rang in on this 'cause i've wondered a bit! thanks my lovely...

there are still too many commercials... and the DJs love to hear themselves talk and try to be funny ~ i'm sure they are... i just LIKE MUSIC... and too much that i would just rather not hear... k ~ my biggest issue Life is a Highway was already done PERFECTLY... why those flat boys thought they needed too and i love CARS... but pull out the other version... it rox on its own... but i love that i get to hear well i heard Stoney ask Joc... she was on the phone... i got giddy

i promise.. i'll stop soon... but for so long... it was just so BLAH... i'm really loving all my beautiful moments each and everyday

k....

all that i said in the last post.... well the meat of it... nevermind ~ i just need to relax 'cause i know whats real and sometimes i let silliness affect my judgement 'cause it seems real

what a freakin' day...

yes... see what makes it perfect is that there are still bad days... k ~ it wasn't bad ~ but i am strugglin' with trying to figure out how to let something go that needs to well i guess just go... i'm not sure how to do this 'cause i TRULY believed... and the pain that would come well i'm strong enough i know this now... but i don't want to test it... one of those that know my truths told me what i should do... but the answer to the question scares me... another puts up with so much more than she should... so i'm BLESSED... i need to stop... take stock... and make. a. decision.

because at the end of it all... i truly do deserve to be so much more important than i'm feelin' right now ~ see i write that and hear the voice saying 'do i have to tell you everyday' ~ well NO but maybe every other or every third wouldn't hurt

i hate that i just wrote all that... but i'm leaving it 'cause it's necessary...

oh on a lighter note... there is the possiblity of a boy that makes me smile... good lord... k.. nevermind ~ this is too much to think anyone might consider... k ~ thanks for listening... Carry On

"So do you like living in Texas?"

my dear friend asked me tonight... the one that i didn't want to tell... the one that watches over my beach... the one that taught me how to be a mother... i just had to be honest 'cause this weekend had a plan ~ well then life intervened.. SO even after that... my answer was still a resounding YES.. and then all the reasons why... and all the things that are so great about my life right now...

that's so hard for me to do 'cause i know how much she didn't want to hear that... i know how much she has wanted me to move back to my beach...

so i had a plan... and it got thwarted early on in the weekend... but still i sit here feeling pretty great 'cause you know... i go up to OK ~ and i sit and we just LAUGH... we laugh at goofy things on tv... we laugh at the kids... we laugh at me... i'm so FORTUNATE to be loved by her

and she loved me first when i was the most broken... they both did... OH yeah 'k... he tunes out when i talk about Pat... and i'm supposed to be mad at Pat.... SO why then was i crying in Blockbuster you might wonder... well cause i answered my cell... and live from SoundCheck in Chicago... i have Pat singin' "Tryin' to Find It" ~ i'm never surprised... NEVER yeah ok... never minus twice now...

i LOVE my life...