here ~ life that is... tried to push away all that i felt to be real and true... make 'lemonade'... the whole deal... it turned out badly... horrible accusations... impossible situations... and when i looked around i realized that what i was doing that was the worst of it all was betraying myself ~ trying to accept anything less than the best life i can have ~ and for what exactly?
so i'm done with that because at the end of it all when my story is read... i want it to be long... full... true... happy...
i was asked tonight if i would consider a compromise ~ well i've been living a compromise for the better part of my life... following someone else to help make what they thought was their dream come true... believing that at some point it would be my turn ~ sadly realizing no in that situation i wouldn't get a turn... taking that step that i did NOT want to believe in and taking it not so that i could do some great thing for me... taking it just so that i could start to put the pieces of me back together and find who i am again
well here i am... feeling the most whole i have felt in a really REALLY long time... and because i am just me... feeling the guilt that comes along with wanting anything for myself but you know what... i'm not going to let that consume me this time because it will pass and with time the ones that truly care and truly matter... they will be proud
and at the real end of it all... the ones that will fill that final room where they pay tribute to your life... they won't be sad... they won't be crying... they will be laughing and if i get a vote singing... there will be fairy tales... and they will all ring true
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I love you...thats all.
ReplyDeleteI get that, and just like a I told a friend on Saturday, "you do what you need to do for yourself, and once you've done that, your happiness will fall into place, just as it was intended to. As long as you are unhappy, no one else can change that but YOU" I'm glad you're taking that step.. it's the most liberating thing you can do for you AND your babies!
ReplyDeleteLove you!
~C