with a lot of things... and i'm not sure that i'm handling it all very well... i know i'm praying a lot... and i know i'm taking it out on people... i can feel it... i feel like i'm living in peanut butter... like everything takes a crazy amount of effort including just taking air in and out of your lungs... one foot in front of the other... tripping over nothing... can't get out of my own way...
i need a sunrise... soon please and thank you!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Jamie's blog...
for those of you that don't check it out regularly... Jamie Tworkowski writes a blog for To Write Love on Her Arms... today's is especially relevant and I want to share it with you all as I love you more than you know...
As For Today / A Christmas Blog.
Hey Guys.
Sorry it's been a few days. i hope this finds you warm and with people you love.
At the heart of today is this idea that we've been given a gift, and the gift suggests that we are part of a bigger story. Gifts and stories are the same in that we get to choose what we do with them.
Someone hands you a present and then you get to choose:
Should i unwrap it?
Should i take it home?
Should i make it part of my life?
Someone tells you a story and you get to take it in and you get to reflect:
Do i believe this story to be true?
Is this story supposed to change me?
Should i carry this with me or should i let it go?
A new friend was asking me some questions about TWLOHA this week, and she asked what's surprised me the most over the last couple years. i thought for a minute because it's a good question, and because there's been a lot of surprises. i told her that the most surprising part has been to see the way people respond to things that are true. We didn't invent hope or help or community, or the idea that every person has a story and every story matters, but it's been amazing to see people respond to those ideas. It's been amazing to see those ideas begin to touch and move and change people.
So here's the thing with today:
There's a story and perhaps there's also a gift. The enormous bold claim of Christmas suggests that God loves us, and that he wants to know us. To say it a different way, it suggests that perhaps we were created to be loved, and created to be known. And the flip-side is that maybe we were made to love and to know as well. It's a wild mysterious story and if it's remotely true, then we're far-less alone and far-more loved than we could ever know.
In this life, we get to make a lot of choices. We don't get to choose the things that break or haunt or hurt us, but maybe we get to choose how we respond and what we choose to believe in the face of those things. We get to choose to go alone or to let people in. We choose our response to pain.
i was gonna write some other stuff, about redemption and the bigger story, but i think i'll keep it short instead.
In the face of today, this Christmas, wherever you are and whatever you see, things missing or perfect or broken, take a moment to look through a different lens: God loves you. And if that's too weird or too much, then i'll say it how we normally say it: Perhaps you're more loved than you'll ever know. And perhaps you are part of a bigger story.
In all of it, our hope is that you might feel encouraged today, that you might feel alive and less alone.
Merry Christmas.
jamie
PS: Go see Slumdog Millionaire. It's a beautiful film set in India, a love story in the midst of pain. It is an undeniable picture of someone driven by love, and someone refusing to give up on their story, no matter what happens. Go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button as well. i saw it a couple weeks ago and you would never believe me if i told you who i sat next to : )
PS2: Came across a great quote in the trailer for Synecdoche, New York: "There are millions of people in the world, and none of those people is an extra. They're all the leads in their own stories."
and again
Merry Christmas ~ laa
As For Today / A Christmas Blog.
Hey Guys.
Sorry it's been a few days. i hope this finds you warm and with people you love.
At the heart of today is this idea that we've been given a gift, and the gift suggests that we are part of a bigger story. Gifts and stories are the same in that we get to choose what we do with them.
Someone hands you a present and then you get to choose:
Should i unwrap it?
Should i take it home?
Should i make it part of my life?
Someone tells you a story and you get to take it in and you get to reflect:
Do i believe this story to be true?
Is this story supposed to change me?
Should i carry this with me or should i let it go?
A new friend was asking me some questions about TWLOHA this week, and she asked what's surprised me the most over the last couple years. i thought for a minute because it's a good question, and because there's been a lot of surprises. i told her that the most surprising part has been to see the way people respond to things that are true. We didn't invent hope or help or community, or the idea that every person has a story and every story matters, but it's been amazing to see people respond to those ideas. It's been amazing to see those ideas begin to touch and move and change people.
So here's the thing with today:
There's a story and perhaps there's also a gift. The enormous bold claim of Christmas suggests that God loves us, and that he wants to know us. To say it a different way, it suggests that perhaps we were created to be loved, and created to be known. And the flip-side is that maybe we were made to love and to know as well. It's a wild mysterious story and if it's remotely true, then we're far-less alone and far-more loved than we could ever know.
In this life, we get to make a lot of choices. We don't get to choose the things that break or haunt or hurt us, but maybe we get to choose how we respond and what we choose to believe in the face of those things. We get to choose to go alone or to let people in. We choose our response to pain.
i was gonna write some other stuff, about redemption and the bigger story, but i think i'll keep it short instead.
In the face of today, this Christmas, wherever you are and whatever you see, things missing or perfect or broken, take a moment to look through a different lens: God loves you. And if that's too weird or too much, then i'll say it how we normally say it: Perhaps you're more loved than you'll ever know. And perhaps you are part of a bigger story.
In all of it, our hope is that you might feel encouraged today, that you might feel alive and less alone.
Merry Christmas.
jamie
PS: Go see Slumdog Millionaire. It's a beautiful film set in India, a love story in the midst of pain. It is an undeniable picture of someone driven by love, and someone refusing to give up on their story, no matter what happens. Go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button as well. i saw it a couple weeks ago and you would never believe me if i told you who i sat next to : )
PS2: Came across a great quote in the trailer for Synecdoche, New York: "There are millions of people in the world, and none of those people is an extra. They're all the leads in their own stories."
and again
Merry Christmas ~ laa
Monday, December 22, 2008
my holiday wish for all of you...
is that someone asks you about something you fear the most... or that you are least proud of... or that you feel shame about ~ that someone asks you to tell them that story... you tell them and they look at you with the same love... or maybe even more... than they did before they knew... it will truly set you free i PROMISE!!!
Merry Christmas... Happy Hanukkah... Good Kwanzaa... Hope its the best Thursday of the year... whatever you are celebrating... or not if you don't.... if you read this i probably love you a lot... and am grateful that you love me back!!!
Merry Christmas... Happy Hanukkah... Good Kwanzaa... Hope its the best Thursday of the year... whatever you are celebrating... or not if you don't.... if you read this i probably love you a lot... and am grateful that you love me back!!!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
'Saint Theresa don't you worry...'
Saint Theresa's Prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
dance, praise and love.It is there for each and every one of us.
ha... who knew... ok well I didn't... but I do now...
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
dance, praise and love.It is there for each and every one of us.
ha... who knew... ok well I didn't... but I do now...
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
i truly want to believe in people...
but damn it... it's HARD some days!!
the saving grace here is that many are already hard at work trying to help right some wrongs that were done... you know i've said it here before... the thing is i want to help fix the things that are really hard to repair...
take away the fear of leaving your home again because well you don't know what will happen while you are away... ease his mind that he can still protect his family without doing what he once thought he would never do... mostly just help heal the part of the soul that has been damaged
again i'll say... it's been a crappy year.. ugh
the saving grace here is that many are already hard at work trying to help right some wrongs that were done... you know i've said it here before... the thing is i want to help fix the things that are really hard to repair...
take away the fear of leaving your home again because well you don't know what will happen while you are away... ease his mind that he can still protect his family without doing what he once thought he would never do... mostly just help heal the part of the soul that has been damaged
again i'll say... it's been a crappy year.. ugh
Monday, December 08, 2008
Five years ago today...
i stepped WAY out of my comfort zone and responded to some chatter that was going on in a 'Chat Room' on a website... i was so excited that they were actually talking about Pat Green and his music... shows they had just been to and ones they were looking forward to... i don't remember what specifically made me chime in but i did and after a small amount of sharing a very dear friend suggested that i check out another website... www.galleywinter.com and well that brought me a home... a family of the most amazing friends anyone could ever hope for!
Friday, December 05, 2008
'Your so pretty...your all so pretty'
and when Justin says that i know exactly what he means... and i LOVE being in that place most of all... at a Blue October show... don't get me wrong Stoney acoustic is right up there as being one of my most favorite places...
i realized something last night though... at a Blue October show... EVERYONE is equally paying attention... singing along... jumping around... just truly being present in the event at hand... all grateful for the honesty that they display with how they write... not afraid to be brutal or sensitive or angry or sad or joyful...
Justin smiled a dozen smiles last night... and the grace that he displays on stage is awe inspiring...
you know... so many of us live a broken life ~ and i don't mean that we are walking around feeling sorry for ourselves for the trials that we've endured... but that we wear our scars without shame from where they came from... last night we all just celebrated where we have been... delighted in where we are... and got excited about where we are going...
the setlist was impeccable... so much of what I love the most... and just enough of what's to come that we can't wait for March... and with the new album is the promise of many more nights like last night... and that makes me VERY happy
i have decided that for now... for ALWAYS... my favorite...
...an ounce of peace is all I want for you ~ will you never call again
and will you never say that you love me ~ just to put it in my face
and will you never try to reach me... it is I who wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
i realized something last night though... at a Blue October show... EVERYONE is equally paying attention... singing along... jumping around... just truly being present in the event at hand... all grateful for the honesty that they display with how they write... not afraid to be brutal or sensitive or angry or sad or joyful...
Justin smiled a dozen smiles last night... and the grace that he displays on stage is awe inspiring...
you know... so many of us live a broken life ~ and i don't mean that we are walking around feeling sorry for ourselves for the trials that we've endured... but that we wear our scars without shame from where they came from... last night we all just celebrated where we have been... delighted in where we are... and got excited about where we are going...
the setlist was impeccable... so much of what I love the most... and just enough of what's to come that we can't wait for March... and with the new album is the promise of many more nights like last night... and that makes me VERY happy
i have decided that for now... for ALWAYS... my favorite...
...an ounce of peace is all I want for you ~ will you never call again
and will you never say that you love me ~ just to put it in my face
and will you never try to reach me... it is I who wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
Thursday, December 04, 2008
2008 in review...
well i've successfully stayed smoke-free... for the most part the kids are really happy and doing well in school this year... Secondhand Serenade and Thriving Ivory woke me up in the middle of the night so that I could fall in love with their greatness... Edward came into my life... let's see i'm scraping the bottom and there isn't much... for the most part 2008 was a bust... i feel like i spent most of it counting my breaths... reminding myself how to put one foot in front of the other... head down... move forward... get through it...
i've made some solid decisions in the last six weeks... hopefully they will help turn the tide for 2009
i continue to be more than grateful for the love in my life... i get tired of my crap so i don't know how so many of you are able to have the patience to deal with it and still be by my side... i have learned what unconditional love is this year and i can't express how it feels to know that i'm loved like that!
I wish you all Peace and Love during the Holidays and always... I plan to actually SEE you all so much more in 2009!!!
i've made some solid decisions in the last six weeks... hopefully they will help turn the tide for 2009
i continue to be more than grateful for the love in my life... i get tired of my crap so i don't know how so many of you are able to have the patience to deal with it and still be by my side... i have learned what unconditional love is this year and i can't express how it feels to know that i'm loved like that!
I wish you all Peace and Love during the Holidays and always... I plan to actually SEE you all so much more in 2009!!!
Monday, December 01, 2008
A little piece of heaven…
Came down to visit here on earth last night in the form of Micky Braun, Willy Braun, Stoney Larue and Jeremy Watkins… for most that read this… I just typed a GINORMOUS mouthful.
As great as I knew it could be… it was better!!! First of all if you missed it somewhere ~ Stoney acoustic pretty much sets my world straight in about every way possible. So when he broke out into… 'I am a lineman from the county…' *sigh* ~ see THAT’s what I love about Stoney acoustic… sure we get Solid Gone… One Chord Song…Down in Flames… all the songs from Stoney that we love ~ but he never fails to throw in a little gem or two that he loves and wants to share with us… or remind us of the greatness that came before…. And for the second time in four days… ‘will you miss me in Carolina… will I miss you in Tennessee..’ brought just this overwhelming sense of peace… see I had put my iTunes on shuffle on Thanksgiving and it came on first ~ well the best part of that is it’s from a cd that I thought I had ‘lost’ so that was GREAT news!
Micky and Willie ~ where do I start… well okay first of all… they are my newest favorites… so many of you had said to me over the years… really why don’t you like Reckless Kelly or what do you mean you don’t get Micky and the Motorcars… I am pretty sure at this point it was just timing, see I’m still relatively new to all of this… I’ve only just been listening to Pat for well almost 6 years ~ so I just needed time to take it all in
Watching them last night… well ok they are brothers and you can just see that they are from the same cloth… it was during Oasis… Micky singing along… turned over his guitar to add a bit of percussion to the song… there was something going on during that song that was just awesome in the most real sense of the word.
I don’t get to nearly the number of shows that I would like too… life sometimes gets in my way but I believe… and I think many will agree… it’s hard to find someone that has a better time than I do truly enjoying the music that is giving to us during the show.
So the four hours of sleep that I didn’t get last night… the red eyes that I have today... it’s all worth it for the permagrin that I’m wearing. It was the beginning of a month of shows that well truly it’s like the music powers that be have said… you’ve had enough… leave it to us for awhile… Blue October this Thursday… Bleu on Saturday… 12 Man Jam Sunday… Josh Grider & Drew Kennedy on the 13th… PAT GREEN on the 20th…
And she’ll exhale… for real
As great as I knew it could be… it was better!!! First of all if you missed it somewhere ~ Stoney acoustic pretty much sets my world straight in about every way possible. So when he broke out into… 'I am a lineman from the county…' *sigh* ~ see THAT’s what I love about Stoney acoustic… sure we get Solid Gone… One Chord Song…Down in Flames… all the songs from Stoney that we love ~ but he never fails to throw in a little gem or two that he loves and wants to share with us… or remind us of the greatness that came before…. And for the second time in four days… ‘will you miss me in Carolina… will I miss you in Tennessee..’ brought just this overwhelming sense of peace… see I had put my iTunes on shuffle on Thanksgiving and it came on first ~ well the best part of that is it’s from a cd that I thought I had ‘lost’ so that was GREAT news!
Micky and Willie ~ where do I start… well okay first of all… they are my newest favorites… so many of you had said to me over the years… really why don’t you like Reckless Kelly or what do you mean you don’t get Micky and the Motorcars… I am pretty sure at this point it was just timing, see I’m still relatively new to all of this… I’ve only just been listening to Pat for well almost 6 years ~ so I just needed time to take it all in
Watching them last night… well ok they are brothers and you can just see that they are from the same cloth… it was during Oasis… Micky singing along… turned over his guitar to add a bit of percussion to the song… there was something going on during that song that was just awesome in the most real sense of the word.
I don’t get to nearly the number of shows that I would like too… life sometimes gets in my way but I believe… and I think many will agree… it’s hard to find someone that has a better time than I do truly enjoying the music that is giving to us during the show.
So the four hours of sleep that I didn’t get last night… the red eyes that I have today... it’s all worth it for the permagrin that I’m wearing. It was the beginning of a month of shows that well truly it’s like the music powers that be have said… you’ve had enough… leave it to us for awhile… Blue October this Thursday… Bleu on Saturday… 12 Man Jam Sunday… Josh Grider & Drew Kennedy on the 13th… PAT GREEN on the 20th…
And she’ll exhale… for real
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