safe to say my stress level is off the charts... i adore you all... i will update you about mid-january when i land... kidding ~ ish ~ but i can't sit still right now ~ i'm not sure i was thinkin' clearly when i decided this might be a good idea... ok... much love.... Happy Holidays!
'... cause when you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with
you want to start... the rest of your life... as soon as you can' ~ Dierks Bentley
i'm guessin' not exactly why it was written... but it fits!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
never gonna be mother of the year...
don't even want to be in the running... i just want them to be respectable... decent... loving... independent... thinking... caring... compassionate... honest... contributing members of this world... that's the goal
so i get a call today from jake's teacher... there was an incident a few days ago... i call the home number ~ which ok yeah it's a small town but still freaks me out... leave a message 'cause she's not home... pace the house for two hours... comment to my dad that 'She has to call back she's a mom she has to know what this is doing to me.'
the phone rings... the long and short of it... jake and another little boy cause a disruption... they are told they need to come up with an apology for the class... apparently my son was not happy with the other little boy involved in the situation because this is what he was overheard as saying... 'I really don't like you right now. I really want to hit you but that is not allowed.'
OK ~ i don't want a bully... i'm totally against violence... having said that... i like the fact that at six my son has the self control to not just act on his feelings of rage and anger... AND i like that he isn't shy to say what he feels... these are all going to be very valuable traits later in life... he needs to learn to steer clear of the people that provoke these kinds of feelings ~ so that's what we'll work on
so i get a call today from jake's teacher... there was an incident a few days ago... i call the home number ~ which ok yeah it's a small town but still freaks me out... leave a message 'cause she's not home... pace the house for two hours... comment to my dad that 'She has to call back she's a mom she has to know what this is doing to me.'
the phone rings... the long and short of it... jake and another little boy cause a disruption... they are told they need to come up with an apology for the class... apparently my son was not happy with the other little boy involved in the situation because this is what he was overheard as saying... 'I really don't like you right now. I really want to hit you but that is not allowed.'
OK ~ i don't want a bully... i'm totally against violence... having said that... i like the fact that at six my son has the self control to not just act on his feelings of rage and anger... AND i like that he isn't shy to say what he feels... these are all going to be very valuable traits later in life... he needs to learn to steer clear of the people that provoke these kinds of feelings ~ so that's what we'll work on
Monday, December 11, 2006
'and i would have stayed up with you all night'
'... if i'd known how to save a life' ~ the fray
this is my new obsession... my new favorite website
www.howtosavealife.com
check THAT out
the rest...
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong,
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life ~ The Fray
this is my new obsession... my new favorite website
www.howtosavealife.com
check THAT out
the rest...
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong,
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong
I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life ~ The Fray
Saturday, December 09, 2006
there are some people...
that come into your life ever so briefly but leave a lasting impression... you hear that all the time and it's so true ~ the first time i was at my Sidecar Pub... this beautiful lady came up to me... 'hi i'm Jodie... i'm not on GW much but i know who you are and i wanted to introduce myself...' and the conversation continued from there... she has a spirit about her that just makes you smile... real and true from way inside... and she pointed her husband out to me... he was in the sound area... and you could just tell from watching him that he truly loves what i am most passionate about
i was only around them one other time and it was on of the top five nights of my life... one of those that i will never forget and truly believe that all the people that should be there... were... i got another hug... and we laughed and chatted... and listened to the one that we love most
through the years we keep in touch every few months... checking in making sure that we know we are thinking about each other... but life takes us on the paths it does and sometimes they don't cross as often as you might like them too
so that is why i sit here with a heavy heart... sending my love and prayers and strength to these two beautiful people... they need it tonight more than anyone and i would ask anyone that might come across this little rambling... to say a prayer for Jodie and Harry... thank you
i was only around them one other time and it was on of the top five nights of my life... one of those that i will never forget and truly believe that all the people that should be there... were... i got another hug... and we laughed and chatted... and listened to the one that we love most
through the years we keep in touch every few months... checking in making sure that we know we are thinking about each other... but life takes us on the paths it does and sometimes they don't cross as often as you might like them too
so that is why i sit here with a heavy heart... sending my love and prayers and strength to these two beautiful people... they need it tonight more than anyone and i would ask anyone that might come across this little rambling... to say a prayer for Jodie and Harry... thank you
Friday, December 08, 2006
because they heard a song...
that's it... that simple... they called me ~ 'cause they love me... that's how my day ended yesterday
this is how it started... i was here on the internet doing some necessary moving stuff... and logged off... went to the kitchen my house phone rang ~ a little background here in the woods we have no high speed internet... our dial up goes out through my parents phone line... so if people get a busy signal they automatically call on my line ~ ok so i answer my house line and it's my sister...
me ~ 'hi... mom's in the shower and i'm not sure where dad is...'
j ~ 'that's ok... are you working today?'
me ~ 'yeah but not until fourish... do you need me to watch KC?'
j ~ 'no i'm off today getting ready for the weekend'
me ~ 'oh do you need me to go to the bank for you'
j ~ 'no'
me ~ 'oh... ok then'
alright at this point in the conversation ~ i'm just baffled 'cause she never calls me just to chat with me... ever... we used to be close ~ well closer but i don't know apparently she doesn't get that i don't now... never have... will never... judge her for anything it's not my place ~ we had a pleasant conversation and while i'm glad for that i'm not sure if the point is that she has realized all the time she has missed being bitter with me about whatever it is ~ and hey i'm telling you people have met her ~ i'm not exagerrating i was completely ashamed of the way she treated... Brandon and Gage ~ heck i don't even think she took the time to come to the house when Jocelyn was here...
and the thing is because of the phone calls i got last evening... and the little emails i get... the text messages i get... the myspace comments i get... i don't even really think about it anymore ~ i'm blessed to be loved and the fact that blood is not the connection between all of us ~ well sometimes families are made not born
so to my sisters... thank you... for loving me...
this is how it started... i was here on the internet doing some necessary moving stuff... and logged off... went to the kitchen my house phone rang ~ a little background here in the woods we have no high speed internet... our dial up goes out through my parents phone line... so if people get a busy signal they automatically call on my line ~ ok so i answer my house line and it's my sister...
me ~ 'hi... mom's in the shower and i'm not sure where dad is...'
j ~ 'that's ok... are you working today?'
me ~ 'yeah but not until fourish... do you need me to watch KC?'
j ~ 'no i'm off today getting ready for the weekend'
me ~ 'oh do you need me to go to the bank for you'
j ~ 'no'
me ~ 'oh... ok then'
alright at this point in the conversation ~ i'm just baffled 'cause she never calls me just to chat with me... ever... we used to be close ~ well closer but i don't know apparently she doesn't get that i don't now... never have... will never... judge her for anything it's not my place ~ we had a pleasant conversation and while i'm glad for that i'm not sure if the point is that she has realized all the time she has missed being bitter with me about whatever it is ~ and hey i'm telling you people have met her ~ i'm not exagerrating i was completely ashamed of the way she treated... Brandon and Gage ~ heck i don't even think she took the time to come to the house when Jocelyn was here...
and the thing is because of the phone calls i got last evening... and the little emails i get... the text messages i get... the myspace comments i get... i don't even really think about it anymore ~ i'm blessed to be loved and the fact that blood is not the connection between all of us ~ well sometimes families are made not born
so to my sisters... thank you... for loving me...
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
two years ago today...
he was beautiful... inside and out... loving... caring... forgiving... genuine... eccentric...
he loved me as his own... and i loved him back so very much... i hope he is proud... i KNOW he is watching over me
he loved me as his own... and i loved him back so very much... i hope he is proud... i KNOW he is watching over me
Sunday, December 03, 2006
random stuff...
so i had a moment when i wondered if i could actually do all this... and the one who tells me my truth told me that in everyway that matters i have done it a long time ago ~ and she's right... good thing i'll be able to be around her a lot more ~ so my son asked me to smell something for him last night... when i said no... he said please i'll take you to see the band if you do it... so he has his mama all figured out already!... i want a mirror that will allow me to put on my make up... do my hair... make sure my jeans are zipped my shirt is straight... BUT DOES NOT show my figure... i know i'm not fat... yet... i look in the mirror and UGH... i look huge... there needs to be a way to fix my head on that too... i hate that i get so damn intense over football ~ it's just a game life as we know it will not cease to exist... explain to me how i can watch a U2 concert... a Dave Matthews Concert... Lindsey Buckingham and Little Big Town on Crossroads... a James Taylor Tribute... not to mention listen to a few cd's yesterday ~ i know all the words to every song on these shows... some i've known for my whole life ~ yet i hear all the time how artists forget the words to songs even they wrote... baffles the mind ~ oh and could i take some of that memory and apply it to something that would be beneficial like remembering to grab my purse and my cell phone... keys or whatever as i'm leaving the house so i don't have to do the back in three times before actually leaving... it hit me last night ~ my dog is nine and a half... not sure how that happened but i don't like what that means... oh wait she's gonna live forever nevermind i forgot for a second... ok done now... thanks...
Friday, December 01, 2006
'well it's friday...'
'... and i got tore up' ~ and not in the way that those unfamiliar with the defintion of 'tore up' would think
i spent the day yesterday in NYC... that alone was just amazing ~ the tree in Rockefeller Center is all you would hope it to be and then some
but the high point of the day was getting to see The Bleu Edmondson Band in NEW YORK CITY! first of all... Bleu wrote my song ~ he may not know that he wrote it but he did as i have said here before the first time i ever heard
'and if you asked me I would smile
we could sit and talk awhile
but there's just too much to hide
and I got nothin' left inside
i'm just a little bit crazy... '
well like all the things that have been placed in my path in the last three and a half years just made me feel like even though up until that point i had not found my place in this world ~ there was still in fact hope... fast forward to today well yeah safe to say MORE THAN HOPE even...
so it was a small intimate venue... couches... ottomans... candles... unfortunately for this band that i just love the crowd seemed to leave after the second act... but they didn't seem to notice 'cause this band took the stage and OH MY HECK... well let's just say they rocked it HARD... some of the members have changed since i first saw them but i'm thinking these four guys have found a synchronicity that just works for them and i was literally the happiest girl in NYC last evening...
i talked with three of the four members and they were truly appreciative to have someone in the club that knew their music... and even understood where they come from and what they are about... i liked being that person for them last evening and since the plans are in motion to where i'll be seeing them more regularly on their home turf... i'm really glad to have had the opportunity to be able see them bringing what we love to the world and hoping to draw more like me in
i spent the day yesterday in NYC... that alone was just amazing ~ the tree in Rockefeller Center is all you would hope it to be and then some
but the high point of the day was getting to see The Bleu Edmondson Band in NEW YORK CITY! first of all... Bleu wrote my song ~ he may not know that he wrote it but he did as i have said here before the first time i ever heard
'and if you asked me I would smile
we could sit and talk awhile
but there's just too much to hide
and I got nothin' left inside
i'm just a little bit crazy... '
well like all the things that have been placed in my path in the last three and a half years just made me feel like even though up until that point i had not found my place in this world ~ there was still in fact hope... fast forward to today well yeah safe to say MORE THAN HOPE even...
so it was a small intimate venue... couches... ottomans... candles... unfortunately for this band that i just love the crowd seemed to leave after the second act... but they didn't seem to notice 'cause this band took the stage and OH MY HECK... well let's just say they rocked it HARD... some of the members have changed since i first saw them but i'm thinking these four guys have found a synchronicity that just works for them and i was literally the happiest girl in NYC last evening...
i talked with three of the four members and they were truly appreciative to have someone in the club that knew their music... and even understood where they come from and what they are about... i liked being that person for them last evening and since the plans are in motion to where i'll be seeing them more regularly on their home turf... i'm really glad to have had the opportunity to be able see them bringing what we love to the world and hoping to draw more like me in
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