so i saw the vampires today...

not exactly a rational term... but my experiences are awful at best and i am not at all a fan... so nothing personal... but yeah... that's what i call them

and now the waiting... see what well pretty much no one that is currently in my life knows... about four years ago... wait... five... i had a big 'C' scare... and when it was over... and i got a clean bill of health i said i wouldn't go back ever

i believe that i'm healthy... i believe that until someone tells you your sick... your not sick... i know too many people who were fine until... and then because someone said so they were... no offense to anyone out there that truly subscribes to modern science and believes... i just happen to be one that it hasn't worked for and i choose to live my life as far away from it as i can... and when my time comes... then there you go...

the earliest memory i have... well it's probably tied... but the most vivid... is the dr holding me down... while one of them attempted a vein... AGAIN... ugh... them makin' my mother leave... not sure why i guess they thought she couldn't handle it... i'd knock 'em out to get to one of my kids in the state i was in that day before i'd leave the room... times have changed... i'm a different kind of parent than my mom... anyway... i was a really sick kid up until i was about 10... and then... the diagnosis... food allergies... and a bunch of odd ones at that ~ might this be why my eating habits are as HORRENDOUS as they are today... probably ~ among other things...

anyway so now i'll wait to hear back ~ knowing that all is fine... believing that my mind is greater than anything they can through at me... knowing that each day... we make anew what was once old therefore... shedding any potential disease with it... it is a visualization thing for me... and the important part is that i TRULY believe it... which is why i went in and this all started in the first place... a seven day headache that i truly could not make go away... so far... they haven't disproved my theories that well they haven't got a clue... it's the nature of science after all right...

anyway... so my anxiety is up because of it... and well i do this alone... 'cause it's not fair to anyone else... i'm sure they will come back with something related to a) my age or b) my gender... 'cause well that's typical... and i'll eat more soy.. drink more water... walk more... sleep more... it'll be fine... but today... yeah... too many memories... that could potentially interfere so needed to get rid of them...