that's what i was told today... okay... let's give you just a little background... first of all there is the whole MESS that has been my life since January (which if you read my blog you know already)... then last week was Michigan... four auctions a day... 900 properties... ugh
at 5:10pm on Friday... the president of a brokerage in IN called to talk to the president of my company... bottomline... this lady is trying to buy a house... she is havin' a mental issue... tried to kill herself... blah blah blah... (for the record doesn't sound like a good risk for a mortgage if you ask me) anyway... i'm SO not the person in my office to handle this kind of stuff yet it fell on me 'cause well it's who i am... after that however... i was completely SPENT
so it was Greenfest this weekend... friends... music... road trip... we head out on Saturday morning... and all of a sudden four hours later... we chatted our way to San Antonio and it felt like five minutes...
i just have to say... i needed a place... a safe place to just cut loose and know that i would be taken care of... i found it... and i'll tell you what i say it all the time... i am blessed with the best friends in the world... i drank a beer or two... i laughed... i hugged... i listened to my favorite music... there were tears... but the happiest ones!!! i made a fool of myself in front of dktx but i believe he'll forgive me... in fact that's why it was ok because they ALL will forgive me and understand that it was just necessary.
Sunday home was PERFECT, at least i thought so, we took our time... we stopped and sat by the pool... had a beer... listened to Dave Mason... again perfect
i missed some of my favorites and i wish they were there... but can i just say... this weekend did so much to heal what was broken... and so yes today i felt whole... and rested... and LOVED
THANK. YOU.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Our Horoscope
i say our 'cause A LOT of Geminis read my blog...
Is something just not working out in one of your newer relationships? Miscommunication, misunderstandings, and inconsiderate actions have helped build up quite a wall between you two, and you need to address the situation today. Do not dwell on what has happened -- focus more on the reason you have chosen to be in each other's lives to begin with. Has that reason changed? If so, it might be time for you to move on. Friendships don't always have to last forever.
very interesting... we'll see how this works out.
Is something just not working out in one of your newer relationships? Miscommunication, misunderstandings, and inconsiderate actions have helped build up quite a wall between you two, and you need to address the situation today. Do not dwell on what has happened -- focus more on the reason you have chosen to be in each other's lives to begin with. Has that reason changed? If so, it might be time for you to move on. Friendships don't always have to last forever.
very interesting... we'll see how this works out.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
The reality of swaddling…
they teach you in the hospital when you have a baby… ok at least they did 12 years ago… anyway they teach you how to swaddle you baby. They explain that when you do this they feel safe… the idea being it resembles the confinement they felt in the womb and that’s familiar to them.
So what they don’t teach you is that you will always be trying to recreate that feeling… the rest of your life… you’ll go through phases as to what you use… when I was really little it was this pillow that I literally just relinquished about five years ago… it got so threadbare at one point that I sewed a pillowcase shut to keep it together a bit longer… then it was my grandfather’s army jacket from Korea… I wore that big ‘ol jacket daily with everything… and it was FUGLY no question… but I felt both safe from and ready for battle in it ~ you know during those angst filled teen years when the ENTIRE world is against you and yours for the conquering all at the same time…it still hangs in the closet at my parents home… I pull it out every now and again when I’m there just ‘cause
In the most recent years it’s my light blue old navy hoodie… nothing special about it really but i wear it when I’m just in need of feeling safe… protected… comfortable ~ it’s also my charms… i am not often without them… it’s funny because when I share them with people who are curious they tend to comment (faith ~ you do have a lot of faith… courage ~ oh I agree I’ve known few with the kind of courage you have…) what they are missing is that I wear the charms I wear because they are things I feel I am lacking and need…
Finally it’s always music… l will drive with it as loud as I can trying to bathe myself in the peacekeeper of the moment (Secondhand Serenade…OAR… that’s what’s doing it for me right now)… I walk around with my iPod in my pocket and an earbud in one ear the other left for the world…
So the lesson learned here is this… if you see me… in my light blue old navy hoodie… iPod in one ear… it’s probably not a good day
Shiny Moment of the Day ~
Jake ~ ‘mama… what’s this?’
Me ~ ‘it’s mascara’
Jake ~ ‘what’s that for?’
Me ~ ‘your eyelashes…’
Jake ~ ‘ok… where’s the stuff that makes your lips sparkly… I like it when you sparkle’
So what they don’t teach you is that you will always be trying to recreate that feeling… the rest of your life… you’ll go through phases as to what you use… when I was really little it was this pillow that I literally just relinquished about five years ago… it got so threadbare at one point that I sewed a pillowcase shut to keep it together a bit longer… then it was my grandfather’s army jacket from Korea… I wore that big ‘ol jacket daily with everything… and it was FUGLY no question… but I felt both safe from and ready for battle in it ~ you know during those angst filled teen years when the ENTIRE world is against you and yours for the conquering all at the same time…it still hangs in the closet at my parents home… I pull it out every now and again when I’m there just ‘cause
In the most recent years it’s my light blue old navy hoodie… nothing special about it really but i wear it when I’m just in need of feeling safe… protected… comfortable ~ it’s also my charms… i am not often without them… it’s funny because when I share them with people who are curious they tend to comment (faith ~ you do have a lot of faith… courage ~ oh I agree I’ve known few with the kind of courage you have…) what they are missing is that I wear the charms I wear because they are things I feel I am lacking and need…
Finally it’s always music… l will drive with it as loud as I can trying to bathe myself in the peacekeeper of the moment (Secondhand Serenade…OAR… that’s what’s doing it for me right now)… I walk around with my iPod in my pocket and an earbud in one ear the other left for the world…
So the lesson learned here is this… if you see me… in my light blue old navy hoodie… iPod in one ear… it’s probably not a good day
Shiny Moment of the Day ~
Jake ~ ‘mama… what’s this?’
Me ~ ‘it’s mascara’
Jake ~ ‘what’s that for?’
Me ~ ‘your eyelashes…’
Jake ~ ‘ok… where’s the stuff that makes your lips sparkly… I like it when you sparkle’
Sunday, March 23, 2008
i have so many thoughts these days...
depending on the minute and name in my last call list...
so i'm going to try and put some of them here in the hopes that i can start to sort through them...
first of all... i'm fearful that too much time with something that brings out the worst in me... is going to devour who i am until i become that person that i don't like even a little again
however... the one that loves me... i mean truly loves me... says it and i believe it... says it first even and if he forgets calls me back to say i'm sorry i forgot something... that one... my completely perfect imperfect love... he promises that it won't ever happen and i believe that he won't let it happen... how great is that feeling...
ok so many of you will be wondering about that... the thing is i choose to keep this for me... with very few exceptions... i know it won't ever be more than what it is right now... and right now it's exactly what i need... someone who knows EVERY detail of my life... and i mean everything... and still loves me not in spite of my weaknesses but accepting them and holding my hand when they are exposed
so the weeks since i've last posted have been filled these two things... too much time and then not nearly enough... i think one balances out the other... that's what i'm hoping anyway
so i'm going to try and put some of them here in the hopes that i can start to sort through them...
first of all... i'm fearful that too much time with something that brings out the worst in me... is going to devour who i am until i become that person that i don't like even a little again
however... the one that loves me... i mean truly loves me... says it and i believe it... says it first even and if he forgets calls me back to say i'm sorry i forgot something... that one... my completely perfect imperfect love... he promises that it won't ever happen and i believe that he won't let it happen... how great is that feeling...
ok so many of you will be wondering about that... the thing is i choose to keep this for me... with very few exceptions... i know it won't ever be more than what it is right now... and right now it's exactly what i need... someone who knows EVERY detail of my life... and i mean everything... and still loves me not in spite of my weaknesses but accepting them and holding my hand when they are exposed
so the weeks since i've last posted have been filled these two things... too much time and then not nearly enough... i think one balances out the other... that's what i'm hoping anyway
Sunday, March 02, 2008
week 2...
so there are two songs... that regardless of everything... will always bring the tears... and today in church the choir beautifully sang one of them... the other is Ave Maria...
amazing grace... how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me....
i once was lost but now am found...
was blind but now i see...
t'was grace that taught...
my heart to fear...
and Grace my fears relieved...
how precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed
through many dangers toils and snares
we have already come
t'was grace that brought us safe thus far
and grace will lead us home.
the Lord has promised good to me...
his word my hope secures
he will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures
when we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun
we've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun
amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me....
i once was lost but now am found,
was blind but now I see...
the tears were happy... peaceful ones
amazing grace... how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me....
i once was lost but now am found...
was blind but now i see...
t'was grace that taught...
my heart to fear...
and Grace my fears relieved...
how precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed
through many dangers toils and snares
we have already come
t'was grace that brought us safe thus far
and grace will lead us home.
the Lord has promised good to me...
his word my hope secures
he will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures
when we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun
we've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun
amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me....
i once was lost but now am found,
was blind but now I see...
the tears were happy... peaceful ones
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