Rewind...

We were at dinner… at an Italian restaurant that was only open for about a week… the food suk’d but it was close to where we were living at the time. Jordan was 18mos old and just starting to use words…and her favorite word was puppy and EVERYTHING was a puppy. Now is this the best reason to go get yourself a dog… so that your 18 mos old child might actually use the term appropriately, probably not but that is what we did. As spur of the moment as that… we always knew we wanted a German Shepherd… both her dad and myself grew up around them (my mom’s parents ALWAYS had one!)

She was four months old… and I remember sitting on the floor playing with her and saying to her… are you ever just going to lie down and chill. That was yesterday right?? That’s how it feels for SURE.

That was 12 years ago… we were in California… we have been back and forth across the country 3 times… no 4. She has flown 3 times… she has ridden ever so patiently in the car for days on end. She helped raise Jordan and Jake… never once did she growl or snap or did I worry about her in their presence EVER. She never met a stranger but if you were coming into her space she certainly let her presence known. She took care of me when I was sad… I took care of her through thunderstorms…

I’m not sure that I have the strength to do what I have to… I keep looking around me at everyone going about their day like it’s a regular day… and even worse its Friday so everyone is all ready for their weekend and the fun to be had. I just want to scream WAIT… STOP don’t you know my world is about to never be the same and I’m scared and how do I walk into my apartment with her not there and how do I dry the tears from the blue and brown eyes and help them see it will be ok… when I don’t know what ok means now.

I know its for the best… I know tomorrow we will start down the new path… but really if I could rewind for another 12 years… well I’d prefer that