'cause let me tell you what... i have been sad and whiny for about four days... the culmination of that being about the biggest temper tantrum and sulking an almost 34 year old should never even contemplate... which lead to mind spinning... heart racing... shortness of breath... skin too tight... but after 2hrs33min35seconds (and yes it's a numbers thing 'cause i found and 88 in there) i was taking slow... deep breaths... i could focus on one thing at a time... i could close my eyes and feel at peace and know that sleep would in fact come
so you check in and ask how i am my stranger friend... and in turn i go and read your heart... i totally agree and i'm blessed because more love was brought than i deserved 'cause i truly should have been scolded and put in time out for 34 minutes...
you may be reading and wondering why so sad... well mostly because if you are reading this... i miss you... and i realized recently that it's been almost a year in this place that i dreaded even coming too... was only going to stay a short while... and a year has passed... i fear sometimes in that year i lost more than i even realize... but i have gained a lot... the sadness came when trying to decided if it's all been worth it... i fear admiting that it has means that things that were once so very important to me aren't as much any more and i'm not sure i'm okay with that idea...
and THE final straw... which i was already in a bad place... but THE final straw... Talledega was rain delayed until today... i know... I KNOW... but it's my favorite race... we had food... we had beverages... we had a bunch of people... and i was looking forward to it... have been for a very VERY long time... so as silly as it sounds... it really was what pushed me over the edge... but when you live there as i do sometimes... it truly does take much of a push... sometimes a breath can do it
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