Perfection...

my idea of perfection involves a dining room table and every chair has one of my most favorites in it... i had that last night and we laughed... had really great conversations about life... politics... where we came from... where we hope to go... the things we trip over... the things that make us soar...

it's exactly what i came to Houston for... to fuel the fire that drives me... to feel loved by these people that know the good, the bad, the ugly, the goofy and still call me friend...

THANK YOU.

a confession...

I like cake... I REALLY like frosting... and I'm really just done being ashamed of that. I don't need to eat the whole cake... in fact usually I can only eat a few bites but I think it's ok if I do decide to eat the whole piece.

I struggle always with the mirror... if anyone knew what I see when I look they would probably worry a lot... and the thing is I know I'm the healthiest I've probably ever been... but there is that part of my head.... that says it's not enough...

this is the my least favorite part of me

My Jake

so... he turned 8. I've got 10 more years to get it all in, even though he claims he will never leave me... well I'm not holding him to that.

I'm gonna share something here 'cause it's where I do that. This will maybe shock those of you that read this and are aware of how close my boy and I are...

I was SO mad when I found out I was pregnant with him... I was only going to parent one child... there were many rational reasons for that decision... I'm not going to get into the medical reasons as to why I found myself with child... but I wasn't thrilled.

To the point that I refused to talk about it... got irritated with others when they did... finally asked for permission to grieve the life I thought I was going to have and please PLEASE contain your enthusiasm.

Thinking about all those feelings today... well let's just say I can't imagine life without my boy... he has brought so much joy and a fresh perspective to every thing in life... he truly is a special little guy with the way that he thinks... I'm taking him to meet some of my friends that... well quite frankly the fact that he hasn't met them is shameful...

I hope they like him too!

so its over...

that which i believed would not end... i did all i could and still never enough... well its all i got... and i truly am sorry

to the president elect...

a thought... the opposite of war isn't peace it's creation

we are currently CREATING a safe environment for the Iraqi people to start anew after too many years under the govern of a tyrannical dictator

we are currently CREATING a barrier of protection for those people from many that would like to inflict further terror on a people that have already endured more than their fair share

we are currently CREATING a sense of hope where once there was only fear

please don't be hasty in using the new power you are about to have to destroy all that has been CREATED...

there are many that have a very real prospective of the situation... heed what they have to say... choose your advisors wisely let them be knowledgeable and not just people that agree with you...

above all else... do NOT let all that has been sacrificed already be in vain...

this is my prayer this evening

so here we go...

i'm not going to lie... i'm very fearful of this 'change' that has been promised... all historic significance aside... i don't support a lot of the ideas that he has said he will bring to fruition... and the fear i have in my heart right now... well its why i choose my bubble...

i feel a great sadness for the one that i have for so long admired and believe in... he will forever be in my mind the purest of patriots and i believe it should have been his time...

i also am sad for the families out there that had hoped their voices would be heard... too long now families of children with special needs have been not even on the stove let alone the back burner... there was a very clear beckon of hope for a moment... my heart hurts for them too...

I have the best friends in the world.

Period... I've had a lot of reflection the last few days... trying to make the right choices... wallowing in self pity for a minute. You know whatever... I'm blessed.

So I missed Bleu and Adam on Thursday night... that sux but they will be back and I will still be here!!!

I think because I brought my life to Texas I forgot what a minute what all that would mean exactly. So every once in awhile I get down when I miss a show. That's just silly and I need to not do that anymore because you know what... I still get to have lunch with Deidre and see her everyday... I have a roadtrip to Houston in two weeks... I'll be in OK at somepoint over Thanksgiving to play with my favorites...

I'm really thankful that I got a reminder!!!